"…Boteach misses a crucial point: the alleged objects of Freundel’s gratification were women who did not consent. In fact, voyeurism is not so much about finding “new flesh,” but about autonomy and control. The “object” of a voyeur’s gratification has no autonomy, for she is unaware that she is being observed. This lack of awareness serves to increase voyeurs’ sense of power and control. The man who “makes his wife his Web cam girl” without her consent would be just as guilty.…"
Above: Rabbi Shmuley Boteach
Talli Rosenbaum, MSc., an individual and couples therapist and a certified sex therapist who lectures in both the Bar-Ilan and Tel Aviv University sex therapy programs and who also is an associate editor of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, has written a very incisive article in Ha’aretz on the Rabbi Barry Freundel voyeurism scandal.
Rosenbaum's article was written to respond to a typically self-serving and idiotic article by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach on the scandal, in which he argues – largely to promote his new book on sex – that wives should be their husband’s very own personal web cam girl, and that allowing and encouraging that and similar sexual play between married couple’s may have prevented Freundel’s horrible alleged ethical lapses.
Rosenbaum notes that Boteach is confusing consensual and non-consensual behavior. The first is almost always (for want of better term) kosher while the latter never is.
Paraphilia, non-standard sexual tendencies, used to be classified as a mental illness, but they no longer are. Instead, she notes, in the new, fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (the manual of mental health disorders used by mental health professionals) paraphilia is divided into two parts: paraphilia and paraphilic disorders. The former refers to atypical sexual practices like bondage and cross-dressing. As long as they do not cause distress, there is “no psychological pathology or problem associated with them,” Rosenbaum wrote. But paraphilic disorders do cause distress and/or impairment in functioning, “primarily because they involve individuals who are non-consenting and who have been used to gratify the paraphilia in real life, not just in fantasy.”
Boteach wrote that while he was shocked and pained by what Freundel allegedly did, he is also “filled with pity” for him.
Rosenbaum goes on to dismantle Boteach’s argument piece by piece:
…Boteach misses a crucial point: the alleged objects of Freundel’s gratification were women who did not consent. In fact, voyeurism is not so much about finding “new flesh,” but about autonomy and control. The “object” of a voyeur’s gratification has no autonomy, for she is unaware that she is being observed. This lack of awareness serves to increase voyeurs’ sense of power and control. The man who “makes his wife his Web cam girl” without her consent would be just as guilty.
Moreover, while the offense is considered a “sex crime,” it is not necessarily about sexual desire or pleasure as is understood in the conventional sense. The adrenaline rush is often provided by the violation of rules, social norms and laws, rather than sexual stimulation per se. While each case is different, individuals who engage in voyeurism may seek the gratification involved in violating those norms, or they may be acting out their feelings of gender or sexual inadequacy, seeking, again, to feel power and control. Therefore, putting non-consensual voyeurism on the same but other side of the spectrum as naughty sexual pleasures with one’s wife is erroneous.
There are various psychological explanations for the causes of non-consensual sexual behavior. Often they reflect social skills or empathy deficits, or feelings of inadequacy. Some non-consensual sexual behaviors result from obsessions and compulsions.…
[W]e must clearly distinguish between sexual desires, fetishes and paraphilia on the one hand and non-consensual voyeurism, which is a crime that has victims, on the other. Under no circumstances should we consider non-consensual voyeurism on a spectrum of normative sexual behavior gone awry.
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