I think, just as today's Orthodox world was ready for Rabbi Nosson Kamentsky's banned book, The Making of a Gadol, it is ready for a companion book – The Making of a Kanoi. And so, here begins a sporatic series of posts that will, God willing, form the heart of that book. We shall start with a definition, an answer to the question, "What is a kanoi?"
A kanoi is one who appears very pious and learned, and who is always very careful to keep only the "highest" standard of mitzvot between man and God. He will eat only in his own house or in the homes of some leading rabbis. He will raise questions about the kashrut of almost every kosher item avilable in your supermarket – unless he is paid by that company. Any rabbi who deviates from the kanoi's perception of proper interpretation of Jewish law will be harassed. If that does not bring about the desired result, the rabbi's children and grandchildren will be harassed.
The kanoi will fast the longest, daven the earliest, and wear his black hat whenever outdoors, even while cutting the lawn in 90º weather. The kanoi will "misrepresent" facts to achieve his goals, all the time being able to quote an obscure sefer that allows such behavior in a time of pressing need. Who determines if this is a time of pressing need? The kanoi, of course!
The kanoi is also a fixer. His word can open the doors of gedolim or have them slammed in your face. He can fix your parking tickets or have your car towed for non-payment of same. He is beloved by few and feared by all. He is a Pinchas without a Moshe Rabbaynu, a sicarri without a dagger, a self-appointed guardian of yiddishkeit.
And he is watching you.