A New Jersey-based Conservative rabbi resigned his pulpit, became Orthodox, took an online semicha program, passed and is now looking for work as an Orthodox rabbi:
… Rabbi Friedman was helpful. He spent time with me and kept insisting, ‘I guarantee you’ll get through this course.’ I didn’t even understand the course material.…
The course was Pirchei Shoshanim, a Lakewood-based distance learning program run by the Shema Yisrael Torah Network. It provides studies culminating in an exam taken in Israel for smiha, rabbinic ordination, issued through the Pirchei Shoshanim Rabbanim.
“I had known about this program for some time. I had a tremendous amount of self-doubt I’d be able to do it…,” Zell said, adding that he thought he would be taking the test in Israel “with a bunch of 20-year-olds.”
In fact the lawyers, doctors, and other professionals in the class, who had come from all over the world, were like him — men in their middle years interested in Jewish learning. The course was based on The Code of Jewish Law and focused on laws of kashrut. The difficult part, Zell said, wasn’t the original text but understanding all the centuries-old commentaries on the laws.…
In November 2004, Zell took his first test toward the Orthodox rabbinate — and scored a 67. He did no better on the second test a few months later, despite studying several hours a day. “The year was a roller coaster,” Zell said. “One day I was convinced I didn’t do it and the next day I’d be okay. I used an old Jewish grandmother trick. I’d say to myself, ‘Okay, spend an hour studying and then you can freak out.’”
By the third test, this past July, Zell had been driving to Monsey, NY, to study with rabbinical experts. His score on the 70-page, seven-and-a-half-hour test was 58.
It turned out that 58 percent on the test was an average grade. Zell had never appreciated the bell curve more. All three tests were part of the one class, and his scores were the minimum he needed for his smiha.…
This JTS graduate had no diffculty with Tanakh, Talmud or Yosef Caro, but he could not understand the arcane bilbul that is the language of most (Ashkenazi) rabbinic literature from 1600 onward. But that's okay. Much of this literature is made up of rabbis arguing over what other rabbis meant to say, the deciphering of a language so obtuse and imprecise that it confuses even those who grow up studying it. Made up of Aramaic, Biblical, Mishnaic and Talmudic Hebrew, Yiddish, arcane abbreviations (each abbreviation can have several conflicting meanings), and an occasional Slavic, Russian or Polish term, all strung together in long, Falkner-like sentences lacking any punctuation, Rabbinic Hebrew is less a language than a code. Semicha today is largely about breaking that code. The actual knowledge that code is meant to convey is decidedly secondary.