By Shmarya Rosenberg http://www.shpoof.com
November 3, 2004 – In a hotly disputed election that threatens to throw the country into turmoil while heightening the divisiveness that has characterized American politics in the new millennium, Democrat John Forbes Kerry has won decisive victories in much of Europe, handily winning France and Belgium while maintaining seemingly insurmountable leads in Luxembourg and Monaco.
“When Monaco comes in, we’ll have it,” a jubilant Mr. Kerry said. “We’ll have won Europe!”
In other election news, Hollywood and Beverly Hills have both gone to Mr. Kerry in a landslide. With all precincts reporting, Mr. Kerry had garnered 99.9% of the vote, .01% less than predicted.
Democrats were quick to point out that the small drop in votes was not the start of a trend.
“Arnold just voted here instead of Sacramento,” actress Cameron Diaz said, referring to Republican governor and former Hollywood actor Arnold Schwarzenegger. “In reality, Hollywood’s unanimity of moral vision has remained intact.”
©2004 Shmarya Rosenberg
