By Shmarya Rosenberg http://www.shpoof.com
A combined poll taken by Gallup, Associated Press, Zogby, CNN, PBS, Pew, ABC, NBC and CBS News predicts a landslide November 2nd victory for Democrat John Forbes Kerry. The poll, which has a margin of error of plus or minus two percentage points, showed 98% for Mr. Kerry, 0% for President George W. Bush, and 2% undecided.
Pollsters spent much of yesterday afternoon at the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel ballroom taking their representative sample – which consisted of anchors, reporters and producers at ABC, CBS, CNN, PBS and NBC news divisions and the Associated Press, university professors whose Ph.D.’s are in the arts and humanities, trial lawyers, and employees of the Gallup, Pew and Zogby organizations. All were attending a party thrown in honor of filmmaker Michael Moore by billionaire financier George Soros.
Reached today in his office, CBS News chief anchor Dan Rather – who missed yesterday’s poll due to a preexisting meeting with a typewriter document expert – was upbeat.
“I don’t want to count the goats before the hens come home, but it looks very good for Senator Kerry,” Mr. Rather said. “The eggs will be runny and the bacon crisp.”
John Edwards, Mr. Kerry’s running mate who has of late been serving as Mr. Rather’s interpreter, said Mr. Rather expected Mr. Kerry to be victorious.
“He means we’re going to win,” a grinning Mr. Edwards said after several moments of consulting a phrase book. “And we’re not even going to have to file an appeal!”
In other campaign news, Mr. Kerry spent much of the day wandering his Pennsylvania estate dressed in camouflage apparel and carrying a shotgun. Aides pointed out that Mr. Kerry’s strong support of gun rights, his fondness for uniforms, his service in Viet Nam and the presence of large numbers of photographers explained Mr. Kerry’s actions.
Barbra Streisand and one Dixie Chick contributed to this report.
©2004 Shmarya Rosenberg
