Report: Ex-Haredim Often Lose Custody Of Children When Divorcing Still-Haredi Spouse

When Shloime Fisher started his divorce process three years ago, he found the proceedings to be "very civilized." Now, Mr. Fisher said, he faces an uphill battle to broaden his paternity rights. What has made his situation different from the average soured divorce is that he wasn't only unwinding a marriage—he was divorcing the whole Orthodox Jewish community.

 

The Wall Street Journal reports on a sad phenomenon FailedMessiah.com readers are all too familiar with – ex-haredim losing contact with their children after being forced into divorce settlements that heavily favor the still-haredi spouse, whether that spouse is female or male:

When Shloime Fisher started his divorce process three years ago, he found the proceedings to be "very civilized." Now, Mr. Fisher said, he faces an uphill battle to broaden his paternity rights.

What has made his situation different from the average soured divorce is that he wasn't only unwinding a marriage—he was divorcing the whole Orthodox Jewish community.

Most New Yorkers reach a divorce agreement through mediators or civil court—usually over several months, with an attorney's help. But those who leave the Orthodox Jewish faith, as Mr. Fisher did, must mediate their divorces through religious leaders, facing agreements that heavily favor the still-devout parent, experts say.

"From a religious perspective, certainly, there is a sense among Orthodox Jews that Jews are born with a special mission as God's chosen people," said Rabbi David Zwiebel, an attorney and executive vice president of Agudath Israel of America, an organization representing devoutly Orthodox Jews. "When a person who has been raised in that tradition walks away, it is considered a tragic outcome."

Mr. Fisher's custody agreement allows him just a few hours with his five children on alternating Sundays.

"People who leave the religious community end up signing away their rights," said the 32-year-old Brooklyn-based accountant.

Such a scenario isn't unusual in the ultraorthodox world, said Chani Getter, program coordinator at Footsteps, a New York-based social-services group serving former ultra-Orthodox Jews. She helps parents navigate custody agreements in a newly launched program that offers case-management help, advice on parental rights, family support and legal advice through a partnership with the New York Legal Assistance Group.

Today, the program helps more than a dozen parents, but leaders say that number is growing as Footsteps does. In the last decade, some 900 former ultra-Orthodox Jews have participated in the group's educational, career, family and social programs.…

Read it all here.

[Hat Tips: Dr. Gershon Mendel; JTF.]

Comments

[Yahoshua David]

Not a fan of Footsteps or any organizations of the likes.

And also, how is it that these people are forced to go through religious moderation? Cant you deny and chose civil?

[Anti-kike]

The hypocritical left-wing court system shows it's two faces again. You would imagine that the courts would lean towards ruling for the secular parent as religion is often despised by the liberal "open minded" ones, a subset of the socialist, Bolsheveks nature of our American society today.

In case anyone missed it---go on, look it up---our justices discriminate against men, in general, when it comes to divorce, alimony, child support, custody, etc. Thus, this report is nothing new.

I will say, however, I would be concerned that a person leaving a religion like Orthodox Judaism (especially the right of center version) may need time to adjust to a more liberal form of the religion and even more time to acclimate to a secular life style. In this sense, the parent leaving the religion may be of concern in terms of custody. You know that such a person can not likely return to their communities for any reason and most dreadful of all, to their families who might go as far as disowning them. It will literally and figuratively be like moving to a new country without knowing the language, customs, culture and having no supports.

So playing the tyevel's advocate, perhaps it is best for the newly unreligious parent be given time to adjust to the, eh hum, the real world before being given custody.

[gevezener chusid]

I agree with Anti-kike.
(And I speak from experience. Been there, done that.) My children, now all adults, still choose to have very little to do with me.

[yehuda fulda]

how does this stuff go on...this menuval "educated thousands of tayra kinderlach and it took this long for something to be done? if this would happen to my son there would be no trial for him..just a body bag

[SkepticalYid]

Posted by: Anti-kike | August 12, 2014 at 10:28 AM

Bolsheviks were anti-liberal. Many religious people have liberal politics. So please, continue to spew ignorant shtuss.

[Mefoar]

A marriage is like a contract.Two frum people getting married is understood they both plan to stay frum and to raise a frum family.If one spouse decided to become secular they broke a contract.
Plus,which sane loyal person who decided to become secular would want their kids to be messed up by see one weekend strict observances and the other weekend the opposite.

[jancsibacsi]

Mefoar--Talk is easy to make a good living and getting of sec.8 food stamps and all other goodies a person needs to go out and struggle for a living not like many many of youre beloved spoiled hassidim do in my block here in bp next to me and on my block i hear almost everyone is those goodies it became a hefker velt where anything goes working of the books and getting food stamps sec.8 vouchers everyday is purim for many hassidim.

[Jim Rogerstein]

Hey Jancsibasi! Don't you realize that your bigoted and mean spirited generalizations are just as bad as the stifling religious community you dropped out of? All you did was trade one group for another.I doubt you understand but perhaps one day you will.....

And I'm not haredi....

[soso]

I'm against renegotiating custody agreements (except on the explicit whish of the child(ren)). And I am even more against going to court once a divorce was made.

In fact, this guy had all the cards in his hand, both in rabbinical and in civil court, since men have a strong bias in their favor in beith din.

[WoolSilkCotton; I must be seen to be believed]

"...bigoted and mean spirited generalizations..." are what frumkeit is all about.

Is there anyone or anything the frumma don't hate?

[Anti-kike]

@gevezenerchusid. I am so sorry that you had to go through such torture. May Hashem grant you peace.

@skepticalid. Yid, the Bolsheviks were communists. You can't get further left than that. http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bolsheviks

Vladimir Lenin (part jew) and approximately 40% of the communist party were jews. The NKVD (secret police) was headed by a jew. Jews like these were relnsible either directly or indirectly for the Holomodor during which tens of million's of ethnic Ukrainians were starved to death. So f the left wing.

[Anti-kike]

Responsible that is. Damn auto-correct

[alan ash]

According to the wall street journal and rabbi zweibel . they would rather have a divorce with all the trauma and hardships than to go to college . certainly not am chacham venavon.

[SkepticalYid]

Posted by: Anti-kike | August 13, 2014 at 01:17 PM

Moron, you claimed that liberalism is a subset of Bolshevism. That's absolutely stupid. If you equate liberalism with Bolshevism, you have no idea what you're talking about.

You're sympathetic to the Ukrainians? The same lovely folks who massacred Jews during the pogroms and the holocaust? F-you.

[Anti-kike]

Do not call me a moron or the F word. Do I make myself clear? Your behavior is inappropriate and quite inconsistent with Judaism but very consistent with open minded liberalism. I hope you did not intend it that way. As the Talmudists state, I will give my fellow Jew the benefit of the doubt. Okay? I extend an olive branch to you.

Revolutionaries, Communists (Bolsheviks), Socialists, Left Wing, liberals, Democrats. Anarchists, Nazis, Right Wing, Libertarians, Conservatives, Republicans. That's the political order of things. What is liberalism closer to, communism or nazism? Isn't liberalism left of center? What am I missing here?

The communists (Bolsheviks) in greater Russia, including Ukraine, were greatly influenced by Jewish founders such as Lenin and Trotsky (sp?). The founder and head of the NKVD was a Jew. The government policies led to the Holomodor and serious crimes against ALL Russians, Ukrainian's, et. al., both Jew AND Gentile.

All these events occurred PRIOR to Hitler. Some Non-Jewish Ukrainian's most certainly supported the nazi's. Others died fighting the nazi's. Here is just one reference I found in a split second of an internet search:

http://www.jta.org/1943/02/19/archive/ukrainians-saving-jews-from-extermination-by-retreating-nazi-armies

Could there have been a reason for Ukrainian nazi sympathizes? Of course there was. Did it make the Ukrainians actions during WWII valid? Of course not. I just do not subscribe to the pervasive (mostly) Orthodox Jewish notion that Jews are always victims. The Torah makes clear that that is not always the case

In the USA, which ethnic group established (or heavily comprised) the Socialist Party which made massive gains especially in New York City politics during the 1920's? What was the Frankfurt School In Deutschland? Why did it relocate here in the USA where its intelligentsia penetrated our universities? Wasn't FDR's New Deal/Progressivism (liberalism) heavily influenced by socialists? Check out the excellent book "City of Ambition" by Mason Williams to gain an insight of the politics molding early 20th century America.

I do not condone the Ukrainians or Hitler. My distaste for liberalism isn't a statement of sympathy for the Ukrainians but rather of devastating affect the left side of politics has had on both Jews and Gentiles. Liberal media outlets such as the New York Times and NBC and CNN and BBC attack Israel on a daily basis. everyday. Liberal universities feed the the minds of our youth a steady diet of Israel bashing. Lliberalism is no friend of the Jews. Worst yet, Jews are largely responsible for this travesty. THIS IS ONLY AN OPINION NOT TO BE TAKEN AS ABSOLUTE TRUTH.

(By the way, Skeptical Yid, in case you are not aware, "Yid" is considered offensive to some people. Those same Ukranians and Russians loved calling us Jids. I explained in several posts what my moniker symbolizes. I refuse to repeat. Can you explain why you call yourself "Yid?")

Peace to you my fellow Jew.