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June 19, 2013

Secrets Don't Get Better With Age

Haredi kids eyes covered cropped"But after mustering up the courage to disclose the facts behind closed door meetings with rabbis, I -- like so many others -- was hurt by the lack of results. With a breath of authority -- and without any investigation -- one leader in Detroit's rabbinical court exclaimed that the accusations were "My word vs. The perpetrators' word" and that there was nothing that he was going to do about it. In a further attempt to muffle my cries, he took out a large volume of the Talmud and encouraged me to read the words in a pathetic attempt to comfort my pain and revitalize my Spirit.…I still feel betrayed by their lack of sympathy and action."

 

David M. Gordon writes:

The boy closes his bright blue eyes as he climbs the stairs to the front door of his house. Silently, he enters the internal solitude where he cannot be harmed by his gruesome memories. He's been there before; blocking out his pain has become second nature. It's his only option, his only way to survive. The boy's family cautiously greets him as he walks through the door. They sense he is consumed by something, they can see it on his face. Yet, they fear another explosive outbreak if they press too much. So, as much as it hurts to watch, they give the boy his space. "He'll grow out of it," they say.

The steps leading up to the boy's second floor bedroom seem to go on for eternity. He just wants to be alone. He just wants to sleep. As long as he doesn't have to consciously face the brutal reality. He wishes he had the courage to stop them, to say no. He is trapped. Unable to disclose his mortifying secret, the boy can only fantasize revenge on those vile men whose twisted lustful current raged through their veins. He couldn't escape their eager clutch or their intimidating remarks. The boy was told to be silent. He was always told to be silent. They told him it was immodest to speak up or draw attention to oneself. But what did they know about modesty?

The boy sits silently in seclusion, sweating as waves of fury and nausea wash over him. He feels paralyzed as the repulsive images of his molestation, rape and sexual manipulation replay over and over in his young mind bringing along fresh doses of shame and horror. He dreams of an escape from his Hell. Bright and creative, the boy naturally finds ways to achieve his goal. But the numbing effects of his chemically induced bliss are only short lived. The poison could never quite fully break the shackles of his trauma. As much as he tried, he could not ignore the scattered scars that sexual abuse left on his Soul.

Everybody who cares only hurts him more. When they ask him what is wrong it forces him to confront what he so eagerly tries to suppress. Not wanting to be further harmed, the boy isolates. He just wants the horrors to end and secretly wishes to be forgotten forever.

But the boy is not forgotten. The boy survives. The boy thrives.

The boy is ME. This is my story.

I kept my secret for eight years. For eight years I suffered in silence through the horrors of my own personal Hell. I endured close to a decade of rage, tears and ultimately self-destruction. The memories are nauseating, the shame unparalleled.

As a victim of recurrent sexual abuse by numerous perpetrators within Michigan's Jewish communities, those eight years of secrecy were horrific. Synagogues and other Jewish institutions in the Oak Park and Southfield areas of Detroit provided the secret hideout where I endured multiple forms of molestation, sexual manipulation, and rape from the ages of 8 to 11. But the trauma didn't stop when my abuse did.

Although, the fact that my painful secret was out proved greatly beneficial. It was like taking off a pair of really tight shoes. The pressure eased and although I was far from serenity the expression itself altered the course of my life. Forcing self-honesty and expression was like splitting an atom, but the more I told my secret, the farther it became removed from my psyche. I told trusted teachers, therapists, mentors and friends but, most frequently, I spilled my secret on paper. Writing became my unique and effective form of expression and it enabled me to have a bold voice without excessive public exposure.

If you are a victim of any type of abuse, wherever you are, I beg you for your own sake: Reach out! Secrets don't get better with age so don't keep them boiling inside any longer. Sigmund Freud, the father of modern psychology, said "Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways." Trust me, they do.

Years of group meetings and private therapy enabled me to face my reality and find the strength to survive. Did it work? It helped. It would be foolish to think that years of sexual abuse would be reversed in an instant. But along the road I realized that I was not "damaged goods" or another "case-study" or any of the other cliches that so many insensitively label victims. Past the pain, shame, flashbacks and emotional setbacks linked with my abuse, a spark of hope glowed and illuminated my venomous darkness. I wanted to be a positive influence on a global level. I wanted to lift up the downtrodden who shared my pains of abuse and lack of expression and voice. I wanted justice.

But after mustering up the courage to disclose the facts behind closed door meetings with rabbis, I -- like so many others -- was hurt by the lack of results. With a breath of authority -- and without any investigation -- one leader in Detroit's rabbinical court exclaimed that the accusations were "My word vs. The perpetrators' word" and that there was nothing that he was going to do about it. In a further attempt to muffle my cries, he took out a large volume of the Talmud and encouraged me to read the words in a pathetic attempt to comfort my pain and revitalize my Spirit. Simply studying the Bible and its commentaries did nothing to help me or the other victims in the community. I still feel betrayed by their lack of sympathy and action.

The insular Jewish communities of Detroit, Baltimore, New York, and countless other religious, academic and athletic circles throughout North America and beyond can no longer hide their secrets. Huge advances have been made in the pursuit of justice for victims of all types of abuse in areas traditionally shrouded in social stigma and secrecy. Change is coming and justice is thundering in. Lawsuits are being filed and an increasing number of perpetrators are being exposed. More and more victims are getting help, sharing their story and empowering others. More lives are being saved.

But justice is yet to be served.…

Keep reading here.

Comments

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I wonder who the rabbis are. I'm familiar with that community and always suspected certain people there

sad story, but why no names of the perpetrators and the rebbies who protected them

Dear Shmarya,

You are one of the few honest individuals whom I fully trust in this twisted pedophilic era. Vicki Polin was bribed by the Baltimore rabbinical Mafia, and Paul Mendlowitz closed and deleted the comments section at UOJ site. Only you stayed strong, Shmarya! This is perhaps a bit dated info, but take a look at this advertisement that appeared in the Baltimore’s Orthodox journal “Where What When” (wherewhatwhen.com) in April 2013 (Pesach 5773) issue, volume 28, issue 9, p. 47.

http://i42.tinypic.com/v49xzs.jpg

>>>>>>>>>>>

THOUGHTFUL COVERAGE • ACCURATE REPORTING • STRENGTHENING & BUILDING JEWISH BALTIMORE

The Baltimore Jewish Times has changed

This is an invitation for you to come back to the Baltimore Jewish Times. We missed you. While you were away, many things have changed at the JT. For example, our paper is now under new ownership and new management, with a new managing editor and a staff of new reporters. And the content of our publication has changed, as well. We believe that we will engage you, interest you and satisfy your need for information focused on Jewish life and activities in our wonderful Baltimore community.

SPECIAL FOR PESACH 5773
26 ISSUES FOR $18
(less than 70 cents per issue; includes NEW digital magazine)

Subscribe at jewishtimes.com/pesach or call 410-902-2300 and mention this ad.

Baltimore Jewish Times — News may break elsewhere. Stories come to life in the JT.

>>>>>>>>>>>

What is this? The betrayal of everything Phil Jacobs stood for? The guy in the right corner of the picture is rabbi Ariel Sadwin, the notorious mouthpiece of the Ner Israel Rabbinical College in Baltimore that covers up for pedophiles! Please help me understand what has happened!

Yours,
Avi

A question that needs answering: are there many (any) frumma in positions of religious authority who aren't rapists and pedophiles? I can think of a good use for that armory in Williamsburg: round up all these creeps, lock them in there and let them prey on each other to their hearts' content.

SHMARYA, PLEASE DON’T DELETE THIS COMMENT. I ADDED AN EXPLANATION AFTER THE ADVERTISEMENT. PLEASE SEE IT!

-----------------

Dear Shmarya,

This is a new ad that just appeared in THE ADVERTISER, another Baltimore Orthodox publication run by pedophile enablers. As you can see, folks at the Jewish Times keep licking the boots of local Orthodox perverts. How could this happen?!

Image (p. 33): http://i43.tinypic.com/33vc3u1.jpg (Text is below:)

>>>>>>>>>>>

JT ON THE GO

We get it.

You don’t want to put all the latest news in Jewish Baltimore on your coffee table.

Now, you can satisfy your need for information on Jewish life and activities on your own terms.

JT DIGITAL MAGAZINE
Digital.jewishtimes.com
1-year subscription, digital only $18

► Engaging Videos
► Brilliant Photo Slideshows
► Engrossing Audio Interviews
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► And Much More!

◄---------------------------------------------------------►

NEW WEBSITE
jewishtimes.com

99¢ per month; $10 per year
► Breaking News
► Cutting-edge Analysis
► Multimedia Imagery

To subscribe, call 410-902-2300
or visit jewishtimes.com/subscribe

News may break elsewhere. Stories come to life in the JT.

Next Issue: 7/12/13 Deadline: 7/3/13 Reserve Now! 33 410-764-3787 THE ADVERTISER™ June 28, 2013

>>>>>>>>>>>

For those who do not know details. The Baltimore Jewish Times (jewishtimes.com) was the first magazine that in August 2007 had a courage to publish the truth about a pedophile Orthodox rabbi by the name Moshe M. Eisemann who for decades taught Torah in America and molested children (http://jewishtimes.com/scripts/edition.pl?stay=1&SubSectionID=48&ID=3241).

Today, if you follow the bracketed link, you’ll get a “Page Not Found” notification with the text: “This is somewhat embarrassing, isn’t it? It seems we can’t find what you’re looking for. Perhaps searching can help.” Phil Jacobs, the editor of the old Baltimore Jewish Times, wrote that famous article. Six years down the road — Phil got thrown out of BJT, the new management deleted his blog and removed that article. But you can still read it at FailedMessiah.com: http://failedmessiah.typepad.com/failed_messiahcom/files/rabbi_eisemann_expos_baltimore_jewish_times.pdf

Shmarya Rosenberg prudently predicted, “And here it is in PDF, just in case the Baltimore Jewish Times site is hacked” (http://failedmessiah.typepad.com/failed_messiahcom/2007/08/abuse-allegatio.html).

One thing Shmarya did not realize at that time was that BJT would go a complete face transplant. The disgusting pedophile Moshe M. Eisemann together with his thugs of the Ner Israel Rabbinical College where every other guy is a homosexual have won...

This young man has unfortunately been found dead- was he killed, what happened to him? He was doing so well.

This was the IDF soldier who was killed in drive by terror attack yesterday. So sad.

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