Trailer: The Hen That Crows

A brief, difficult (coerced) marriage, a long custody battle and being ostracized by her entire family didn't stop Fraidy Reiss from getting on with her life – outside the haredi community.

 

Related Post: Fleeing To Freedom: Escaping Haredi Arranged Marriages.

Comments

[a. secret admirer of fraidy]

Same old lakewood with its shenanigans. Lakewood ortho big wigs love to control everything from dress to food to resteraunts to schooling to stores. Its truly getting out of hand but people are simply scared to speak up. Just take alook at the rav of a shul who was thrown out by these big wigs for sticking up for his son who was molested. He first went to the local baisdin and they did not do a damn thing about it so he had no choice but to go to the cops which is when he was ostracized and eventually left to detroit. The lakewood community is sick and tired of these bulvans but they are way too controlling. We need more of these reisses who actually speak up. I wish nuchum and shmarya rosenberg whould come here for a while and put some of these hooligns in his place.

[Wool Silk Cotton, sports star and rock superstar]

This is why it is so important for the frumma to keep women under control. More tznius, more tznius, more tznius. Longer and longer dresses, and full head and face coverings. And make them cross the street if a man is walking on the same sidewalk.

And now, let the trolls emerge from the woodwork to bash this woman.

[S M L]

Good for her. What surprises me is her excellent American English. I'd have expected the usual Yiddish-inflected not-quite-English but then I suppose she isn't Hasidic, 'just' Orthodox.

This needs to happen more often. I sent a link to this to my adult daughters one of whom is active in CJP; she can share with her CJP peers. Something for them to learn from, not that this is a problem of a kind either of them have had or ever will have.

[Robert J. Barron, Attorney-at-Law]

I salute her courage. Watching that trailer tells me AGAIN that I did the right thing when, several months ago, I contacted her and told her that I was available to assist (Immigrant) Jewish women fleeing abusive husbands.

[z l]

I love how they show these run down streets to make you pity poor fraidy. sorry girl, we all saw your beautiful big home on white street nestled on 2 acres. your not chasidish, you went out on regular shidduch dates like everyone else in the yeshivishe community- no forced marriages here. if you couldnt stand him you could have said "no" to him.
if you no longer wanted to be religious you could have simply walked away. Its not your husbands or your families fault that you had a difficult time leaving your comfort zone. your not living under any threat of harm whatsoever.
what a pity that you still cant let go of all the hate. move on.

[mmz]

i agree with z l i also know her ex husband very well he wouldnt hurt a fly fraidy was a rebel before she got married i guess she never changed i really feel bad for her he is obviously still not happy with herself good luck

[AztecQueen2000]

I see the trolls have emerged.
A truly courageous woman. Kudos to her.

[Nigritude Ultramarine]

@WSC "This is why it is so important for the frumma to keep women under control."

It's reminiscent of that movie Logan's Run in which humans are tracked thanks to a Lifeclock that is implanted into the palm of their hand at birth.

The clock changes color as the citizen approaches his Last Day. On that day, each citizen is required to participate in the ritual of Carrousel with the promise that they will be "renewed" and come back reborn. Those who don't accept this premise become Runners and try to outrun the Sandmen -- state-sanctioned executioners -- in a bid for freedom at a place called Sanctuary.

We've got a runner in Sector G!

Hah! I loved that movie!

[Steven]

At least three sides to every story, his, hers and the truth.

[MosheCohen]

I don't mean to be harsh, but she was a lot more attractive before she de-Haredicised.

[z's friend]

Your not a troll because you have a different opinion. You guys are so sickly one sided and close minded. I thought when you leave frumkeit you become open minded. Clearly this is not the case. Shame on on you all. Shmarya at the head

[david]

@ all the hareidi haters

Let's chant together: good for her! Good for her! Hareidim are bad! Hareidim are trolls!

Look in the mirror and you'll see how stupid you sound.

[shoshy]

I don't know Fraidy and I don't care how big her house is. I have no idea whether her version of her abusive marriage is true. But in her community (Litvish yeshivish) nobody is forced to marry someone they despise. Nobody is forced to go on a second date with someone they despise. That aspect of the story is pure fiction.

[----]

posted by Shoshi and others:
While it may be true in theory, the pressure to be married by a certain age (or risk shaming the family and ruinng the shidduchim of all remaining siblings) and the pressue to conform is so great that saying no to a hand-picked match esp if there have been rejections before, renders these kinds of marriages a different sort - of forced. You have ro be very very strong to overcome that without any exposure to anything else at such a young age. I know, I did and it wasnt easy and I could only contain the guilt because all my sibs were married.

[jancsibacsi]

I would love to hear his side of the story, she looks to me a little unstable.

[Yochanan Lavie]

She was not afraidy.

[Lubavitchers Are Christians]

I would love to hear his side of the story, she looks to me a little unstable.

Posted by: jancsibacsi | February 11, 2013 at 09:27 AM

Here come the haredi apologist trolls. You hate the women that see the light.

[Bli Yaa'el]

So now that shes "FRREEEEEE" she can move or hang out in the west side and the likes, bang every guy and say " I'm FRREEEEEE!".

She can club EVERY night (7 days) and say " I'm FRREEEEEE!".

Lets just leave it there even though the "FREE" list goes on.

[Devorah]

Looks like the ex husband's family came out to bash this very courageous woman.

Will this movie be shown in local theatres? I can't find any mention on Google.

[jancsibacsi]

Lubavitchers Are Christians -Who me a hareidi are you insane,yes i would like to hear what he says just curious,also would like to know how she manages her expenses is she working or what?.

[Fraidy aint no Chaya Suri!!]

Its truly a shame that Fraidy continues to stand on her soap box and lie. She was never a typical yeshiva girl. She was never forced into any marriage. They were boyfriend and girlfriend before they got married. Her family , aside for one sister, didnt speak to her for many years BEFORE she got married. He never punched any walls or threatened her. She used to make out with him all the time, before and after the wedding. Doesn't sound like someone who "despised" her husband!! She lived in a beautiful home on White Road, drove a Infiniti, went to the movies and went to clubs with her husband!!! She just makes up stories so she can get attention. You can verify it with anyone. Trust me, she was a regular girl who had everything going for her. She chose to become irreligious, which shes entitled to do!! Her husband didnt say one word when she started wearing pants and stopped covering her hair. Just imagine for a moment if she was actually honest... She would say " Hi, my name is Fraidy...I grew up as a little rebel, my husband treated me like a queen and I decided I had enough of the religion and wanted to leave town" That wouldnt sell too many books, movies etc... She also never fought for custody of her children as her husband NEVER fought it. Have her show you the court documents and you will see what a blatant liar she is. She spits in the face of journalism by professing to be a journalist and continuing her string of lies and web of deceit. Bottom line is..... Fraidy ain't no Chaya Suri!!

[Alter Kocker]

Give up on the Beth Din, it is a losing battle. Fuck orthodoxy-leave it as it is a rotting carcass that infects everything with a growing cancer.

Women need to find methods by which the males in the population will first respect and then fear the repercussions of abuse. Abuse thrives in the ultra-orthodox world because men control it all and women are sperm receptacles. One client let her husband know that she wanted a get. She let him know that he should start taking meals outside the home as she was going to either poison him, or render him unconscious...and then use various kitchen implements on whatever part of him she saw fit. He did consult me, at which time I told him that he could give the get, or he could be singing soprano for the rest of his life.

[fred]

I sympathize with the woman in these stories. I really do. However there is always two sides to a divorce and claims of "abuse" in divorce cases are very common, the husbands in these cases of woman who go to the press deserve the benefit of the doubt and frankly the only people who are definitely wronged are the woman's ex and children.

You can't really be worried about your children's welfare over your own when you got to the press, while you know your children are going to be brought up in THE community that you are taking a public stand against.

As far as courts taking away their children. That only happens were psychologists (in many of these cases secular ones) decide that it is in the best interest of the children to continue being brought up the way they always have. There is NO WAY for a Beit Din to enforce any type of custody arrangement they may decide. The determination is up to secular courts to decide what they feel is in the best interest of the children were the couples cannot come to an agreement. What the parents want is irrelevant if the court decides it is in the best interest of the children to do something.

[Better than you]

Another miserable person; mazel tov FM.

[dh]

Some article described her as a private investigator. What's up with that?

[jancsibacsi]

Better than you -She is the opposite of what you just wrote about her,the reason she is this way is that she always got what she wanted a typical american spoiled brat that what she is,she has it too good so she wnats always more and more,she never really had a truly miserable day in her life you can see it on her the way she talks better the no one is what you are you cant see reality if it hit you in the face di shoite vus di bist.

[anchell]

. . . quite a creative mind, dripping with irony and sarcasm. . . on her wedding day happily walking to her execution with a big smile on her face and an ugly gown. . . is this what is meant by women maturing faster than men. It seems to me that writing and the excape that it provides will be perfect for Fraidy.
All that creativity now to be channeled onto to a computer screen rather than an unsuspecting man who just happens to share the same bed with her. What must it be like to close your eyes to someone who despises you but still took on that marriage vow. I will never condone any man abusing his wife, girlfriend or otherwise. But I also do believe firmly that are far too many cases of excapism occuring where some how the man is to blame. And often this is happening with some of the most eloquent speaking women one could ever encounter. That alone is a red flag for me. The drama of the day. Blame him and be elevated by his demise. The good news is that she will have a chance to be on her own long enough to find out that all that pain and darkness are her own unresolved issues. Many possibly triggered by him. But all uniquely her's!

[anchell]

sometime i wish i'd just take a moments to edit what i write for spelling, grammer and yah yah . . . in any case my thoughts stand.

[jancsibacsi]

anchell--Beutifully written piece.

[get me out of the five towns]

hey 'shoshy'.. where do you get YOUR information from? just because YOU, in all of your brilliance and experience, dont know people that were forced into marriage doesnt mean a whole lot,now does it. because guess what!!! THERE ARE GIRLS THAT ARE!!. OH. and btw? to the guy who said 'i know her husband he woudlnt hurt a fly'... you, too, bigshot? you live in their house? gues what. everyone thought MY tzadik was the most amazing sweet quiet man.
he was an animal, physically, mentally and emotionally abusive animal. oh i know the story,,shuckle in shul and be a baal tzedaka and you have all the chevra eating out of his hands. and heaven forbid a woman wants to take off that crap she wears on her head. oh dear, she MUST BE A REBEL'. . feh, to the whole lot of garbage out there. im not a rebel, im a survivor. and NO one in the 'frum world' even gave me a god damned cup of coffee, or asked me if i had a meal for shabbos. oh. sorry, i must be a 'rebel' because id had enough. oh well then let the rebellion begin. because what the 'frum' world has become is despicable

[get me out of the five towns]

to 'z'. hmmm, so your a maven on walking away from marriages, or from being frum. amazing.. what's your background? whats your empirical research an commentary?
heres the way it really is
you have kids. your in a community. you want out, you dont get out because if you rock the boat, whats the first thing the lovely spiritual men do? refuse to give a get. demand complete custody of your kids. defame you publicly. usually, make sure the 'b' is impoverished.
walk away? what are you, a ten year old?

[You can put lipstick on a pig...]

Perhaps someone forced her to wear the "ugly gown" too?
You can put lipstick on a pig...

[fraidy you are welcome to come back]

she is my cousin and i know her very well she is a blatant liar seeking attention she wasnt force into anything

[You can put lipstick on a pig...]

She is right...I just double checked. That is a friggin ugly gown.
I guess she bought her fashion degree from the same place she bought her sensationalism degree.

[anon]

SHMARYA. She make be a good match for you.

[anchell]

jancsibasci . . . blessings. But to all others do not think i'm siding with your out an out attack on Fraidy. Again there is far more here than you have seen but not enough for you to judge her in such vile and contemptous ways. What triggers me is her systemic path to liberation. On the back of a man who can never defend himself but for the sympathy of those who simply are sympathetic. To refer to her as a "pig" is misogynistic. Do not heap hate on her but know that her's is symptomatic of a greater ill.

[shoshy]

get me out of the five towns,
I'm sorry for your experience. My information comes from my close haredi relatives who live and date in communities such as Lakewood, Har Nof, Telzstone and Flatbush/Boropark. I know quite a bit about their dating histories and I know that they are always free to turn down any prospective date. There are what you could call coerced marriages, but those are usually in the more extreme Hasidic communities, not Lakewood.

It's interesting that you bring up the refusal to give a get and impoverishment after divorce. Other articles she has written or been interviewed for indicate that he offered her a get which SHE refused and that he is providing adequate financial support to her after the divorce. Allegations of abuse aside, he actually sounds like a mentsch in terms of the divorce.

Are there horror stories out there? I know there are, and I believe that yours falls in that category. I just don't believe her.

http://forward.com/articles/140780/strict-divorce-rules-leave-women-chained-to-husban/

[jancsibacsi]

anchell--You are mistaking me for someone else i never mention pig in my writing and i dont catagorize her in a vile manner,i wrote that she is spoiled never wrote that she is a pig please dont put words into my mouth.

[anchell]

janscibacsi . . . blessings. I was directing my last comment at all the others whom i wanted to distance myself from. The potty mouth bloggers who can't resist piling on their crap with out much restraint. None of this is directed at you in the smallest. take care!

[WoolSilkCotton]

Shmarya, exactly when and where will this movie be shown?

[Barney]

Can we hear his side of the story?!

[Rose]

She was definitely not the first woman to enter the police station for a restraining order against her husband!!I know of plenty!

[Yoel Mechanic]

Some more info:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/25/fraidy-reiss-breaking-the_n_1450708.html

http://www.njjewishnews.com/article/9783/helping-wives-when-religious-tradition-is-a-trap#.URmuGh2YuvY

[Roley Poley Yoiley]

Her Ex Husband is producing a video to tell his side of the story.

In response to

"The Hen That Crows"

will be

"The Cock That Knows"...

[Shoshanna]

I am amazed at the lack of critical reading of most people on this blog. They seem to accept all of Fraidy's statements as absolute truth.If one reads all of Fraidy's articles and statements, one can see she slightly changes wjhat she says which leads to different meanings and can be interpreted differently. Perhaps her statements are accepted so uncritically since they are in consonance with the pre-conceived notions of the readers of this blog.
I have known Fraidy and her family since she was a small child. I know nothing of her ex-husband's anger management issues. They may very well have existed.
I do know that Fraidy was always a sad, angry, troubled person. Her family did not break off contact with her. She broke off con tact with her family. Her family desperately tried to be in contact with her to no avail. She refused to speak to any of them or to any of her old friends.She reminds me of the person who kills his parents and asks the court for mercy since he is an orphan.

[jancsibacsi]

A relative of hers tells me her parents are divorced her father used to beat her mother,so the apple doesnt fall far from its tree

[Fred]

In the article below she says she refused a Get unless she was paid 25 million!!! She admits that Her husband offered her one and she refused to take it. http://forward.com/articles/140780/strict-divorce-rules-leave-women-chained-to-husban/

[uninspired by your tale]

I thought the idea was to forge a new identity, why then the constant desire of these women to gain recognizance and fame solely by virtue of having been raised orthodox? Do something with your life that creates real interest other than the fact that you dont like the culture you were raised in.

[Shoshanna]

If one peruses the comments on this story and video in Failed Messiah and The Jewish Daily Forward, one sees that people who do not know Fraidy but have a pre-conceived notion of her former community, laud the article (in The Jewish Daily Forward) and laud Fraidy and her courage.
IOne further sees that comments from people who actually know Fraidy, or knew her when the events described in her video and articles took place, all strongly dispute her description of both the community she purports to have been a part of and her version of events.

When Fraidy left her religious upbringing, she also spat on her community and villified her family and (former)community.

It is my hope that Fraidy will ultimately receive the psychological and other help she requires so that she can live a happy,fulfilled liufed and so that she will be able to look at past events in her life in a clear, truthful and unjaundiced mannner.

[spacedout BT]

There are holes all over her story. See CircusTent. My personal jury is still out on this one.

[concession stand trailer]

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