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February 28, 2013

Orthodox Women's College Attacks Child Sex Abuse Victim For Publicizing Abuse

Alleged victim“I received an anonymous phone call last night with a message from one of your "friends" on Facebook, who expressed great consternation and concern that you have chosen to publicize to "friends" (regardless of their age, sincerity and level of intimacy) your history of sexual abuse.  Your public Facebook page is troubling enough, as is your Google history [which are open to the whole world].  It is troubling primarily because you have chosen to identify yourself by your pathology.  You no longer appear as a full human - but rather as "case study" of a young woman warped by her childhood experiences, and is thus identified wholly by that past.…I am asking you to exercise a measure of discretion, and develop a plan to go beyond your past  towards healing. You seem too intent on wallowing in the past, and drawing sick attention to yourself for all of the wrong reasons. At the same, you identify yourself as a student of Hebrew Theological College, and by association besmirch your peers as well as yourself."

 

Chaim Levin reports that an 18-year-old student at the Blidstein Institute, Hebrew Theological College of Skokie, Illinois (Skokie Yeshiva) women’s school, posted a note on her public Facebook page outing herself as a survivor of child sexual abuse.

Based on the premise that you find out who your real friends are when you go public as a survivor of child sexual abuse, her note reads:

“I'm a survivor of sexual abuse.

This is not a new thing. I've been a survivor as long as you've known me.

Are you going to change your opinion of me just because three evil people took advantage of me?

Are you embarrassed of me? Are you willing to share our story?

Let's see who my real friends are.”
Earlier today, the student got the following email from the Institute’s dean Ester Shkop (which Shkop also cc’d to several Institute administrators), proving that the student’s premise was, sadly, spot on:
“I received an anonymous phone call last night with a message from one of your "friends" on Facebook, who expressed great consternation and concern that you have chosen to publicize to "friends" (regardless of their age, sincerity and level of intimacy) your history of sexual abuse.  Your public Facebook page is troubling enough, as is your Google history [which are open to the whole world].  It is troubling primarily because you have chosen to identify yourself by your pathology.  You no longer appear as a full human - but rather as "case study" of a young woman warped by her childhood experiences, and is thus identified wholly by that past.

“I am not asking you to deny your pain.  I am asking you to exercise a measure of discretion, and develop a plan to go beyond your past  towards healing.  You seem too intent on wallowing in the past, and drawing sick attention to yourself for all of the wrong reasons.

“At the same, you identify yourself as a student of Hebrew Theological College, and by association besmirch your peers as well as yourself.

“This misuse of social media is definitely a violation of the HTC Personal Conduct Policy (see page 17 in the Student Handbook). Consequently, the HTC Administration is putting you on formal notice that all inappropriate materials should be removed from your Facebook page forthwith - both on the front page and the back pages.

“If you have questions about what is and is not appropriate, feel free to come to speak to me or Mrs. Lipshitz.

“Sincerely,
Ester Shkop

“Esther M. Shkop, Ph.D.
Dean, Machon Torani L'Banot
Blitstein Institute of Hebrew Theological College
2606 West Touhy Avenue
Chicago, IL  60645”

Note that Shkop did not:

1. Offer to help the student find appropriate counseling.
2. Express any sympathy for the student.
3. Ask the student how she feels or try to ascertain the student’s emotional state.
4. Show any empathy at all.

Note that Shkop did:

1. Blame the student for “besmirch[ing]” other Institute students and herself by publicizing the abuse.
2. Accuse the student of appearing to be less than fully human.
3. Accuse the student of “wallowing in the past” and “drawing sick attention” to herself.
4. Order the student to remove all mention of her sexual abuse from her Facebook page.

Is Shkop qualified to teach students or to head a school?

No, she most certainly is not.

One of the common effects of child sexual abuse is depression and despair. From that often all-pervasive sadness can come substance abuse, self-mutilation and even suicide.

Even if Shkop had been correct in wanting the student’s child sexual abuse information removed from Facebook (and, again, she was not), to treat a survivor of child sexual abuse in the brusk, cold and uncaring way that Shkop did is unforgivable.

Every moment HTC allows Shkop to teach or work there endangers the health and safety of HTC students.

The only proper response to Shkop’s offensive, irresponsible email is to fire her.

Will HTC do that?

Almost certainly not.

In fact, it is highly unlikely that HTC will do anything other than persecute the student.

Hebrew Theological College, the Blidstein Institute's parent, is a beneficiary of the Jewish Federation of Metropolitan Chicago.

Comments

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This is a revelation. The frum women are almost as unfeeling and unenlightened as their men.

Frumma women deserve frumma men.

You have no clue if this is after hours of trying to councler her and sending her to therapy. It is very possible she refused to go.... And this is just a tactic to have her go. I know mrs Shkop and she is very worldly and understanding. I am sure this is not the first conversation she is having with this depressed victim.

I don’t know the fact of the case nevertheless; I just cannot wrap my arms around this immoral behavior. Why persistently when a victim speaks the leadership always blames the victim. I am not sure Esther M. Shkop, Ph.D. is for, but definitely in my view she would sell out her mother to side with the school position. I know people like Shkop will never change, but, where are the alumni, why are they quit thereby being part of the cover-up.

There are nights that I have trepidations clicking on this site, as I know some new story about molestation will come to the surface.

Mrs. Lipshitz? Well your name says it all.

This is to me, the most disgusting line:
"At the same, you identify yourself as a student of Hebrew Theological College, and by association besmirch your peers as well as yourself "

Didn't we learn from mannis friedman that the victims of CSA have done nothing wrong?!

But seriously, a survivor willing to publicly talk about their experience does not besmirch anyone, if anything it is a sign of courage that should be lauded.

"At the same, you identify yourself as a student of Hebrew Theological College, and by association besmirch your peers as well as yourself "

That's really quite appaling... as well as the expulsion (or threat thereof)....

Code of silence still reigns sovereign.

This is disgusting and should not be tolerated! I applaud Kaylie for her strength in coming out about what she went through. I know her personally and she is a special and strong person who has put her painful past behind her. She is someone who is looked up to by her many friends for her strength of character and indomitable spirit and has used her experiences to grow and help others. Seeing this woman's hurtful and insensitive comments puts our society to shame. They are unethical, illegal, illogical and completely untrue. The more we hide what is going on in our communities, the more power we are giving to abusers. This is aside from the glaring violation of freedom of speech presented. Please do not just pass this by, as silence is consent.
And Mm I know for a fact that she did not try to counsel her or reach out to her in any way, nor did she try and get her to therapy.
Please write to the addresses posted

Chicago covers up many abuses. Isn't Shopf also a psychologist?

FYI...from page 17 that Esther Schkop referenced...pretty vague.
STUDENT RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES
Personal Conduct Policy
As members of a Torah
-
observant community and institution, students are expected to
comport themselves in full accordance with the laws and ethos of tznius as delineated in the
Shulchan Aruch (Code of Jewish Law). Tznius, generally defined as modesty, implies
much more. It connotes humility, concealment, reserve, privacy, and inwardness.
Most significantly, tznius is a way of life

the choice of garb is merely its most visibl
e
manifestation. It encompasses behavior, speech, and even thoughts. Tznius means an
awareness of being in G
-
d's presence at all times. Tznius applies to men no less than to
women. Clothes do more than reflect one’s fashion sensibility; they can create a m
ood and
an impression

with or without intention. Tznius allows us to communicate rather than
obscure the deepest level of selfhood.
Questions concerning appropriateness or acceptability of specific behaviors or apparel
within the Hebrew Theological Col
lege community should be directed to the Mashgiach
Ruchani, the Menahel Ruchani or the Rosh HaYeshiva

http://www.htc.edu/images/pdf/Academic%20Catalog%20and%20Handbook/student%20handbook%2012-14%20v09.pdf

Dear Ms. Shkop, you are an intensive, sick, vile piece of garbage. I hope that the back lash you receive from your sickening email causes you to resign or be forced from your position at Machon Torani L'Banot.

Here is the header of the email as posted in Levin's article. It contains Shkop's email and the other at HTC that she cc"d. I plan to send her an email expressing my disgust.

From: Esther Shkop
Date: Thu, Feb 28, 2013 at 12:11 PM
Subject: Breaking all Boundaries
To: [REDACTED]
Cc: "olstein@htc.edu" , "lipshitz@htc.edu"

Here is the rest of the iHTC contact info from Levin's article.

Esther M. Shkop, Ph.D.
Dean, Machon Torani L'Banot
Blitstein Institute of Hebrew Theological College
2606 West Touhy Avenue
Chicago, IL 60645
773-973-0241

Hebrew Theological College’s actions would reduce free speech to misconduct and Kaylie* and her courage to nothing. The school’s actions are the only misconduct, and it is utterly horrendous.

If you believe the school should rescind its notice of misconduct and issue an apology to Kyalie* and other survivors, please contact:

Chancellor, Dr. Jerold Rabbi Isenberg
isenberg@htc.edu

Dean Shkop
shkop@htc.edu

Assitant Dean, Rita Lipshitz
lipshitz@htc.edu

Posted by: ThinkTwice | February 28, 2013

Are you saying that Kaylie shouldn't have posted to her Facebook or that the school shouldn't have emailed its response. Because of you think this will "bite" Kaylie in her "ass", I have new for you. This is going to bite Shkop not Kaylie.

You'd think the school and its supposed resources of educators, counselors, and clergy would rally to help this young person. Instead, they're concerned only with what they perceive to be a threat to their reputation. Talk about a shonda!

I recall a dvar torah about the procedure when a stranger is found dead between two cities. I believe that a sacrifice of atonement is required because the residents of the city did not exercise enough concern for the safety of the traveler. (The technical details may not be 100% accurate - my attention span for this stuff is pretty limited) Almost every explanation of something in the Torah ends up being a parable or analogy to direct people to be more sensitive to others. Obviously the people who run this school are worse students of religion than I am.

It seems that this school has absolutely no concern for what this person has endured and has no interest at all in helping her. The school's standing would be immeasurably enhanced if it showed an ounce of compassion. Instead, it has "besmirched" itself. T'shuva, anyone???

What hypocrisy. As a religious institution, it serves no purpose.

Note to Shmarya - I have at times questioned the usefulness of some of your critical reporting. Revealing this does a GREAT service and will hopefully lead more institutions to stop blaming the victims and instead give them the support they need. Good job!

Sorry for the long rant. I just hate to see someone's hurt get compounded by hypocrites who are able to help - but don't.

If t his woman is a counselor or psychologist, SHE is bound to comport herself within the rules and guidelines of her profession. She could very well (and should) lose her license for this.

According to this she has a PHD in bullshit. She's got the following degrees, Bull Shit, More Shit and its Piled Up High and Deep!


"Dr. Shkop is Dean of the Blitstein Institute of Hebrew Theological College, and Associate Professor of Bible.She has a Ph.D. in Public Policy Analysis, a Masters in Biblical Studies and a B.A. in English Lit and Philosophy." http://www.zoominfo.com/#!search/profile/person?personId=40108800&targetid=profile

As a long time reader of your blog, I’d like to share something with you about Dr. Shkop.

When the leadership of the Chicago Jewish Orthodox educational community closed ranks against us when our daughter experienced verbal / emotional abuse from a teacher in a different school, Dr. Shkop was one of a small handful who believed our story and helped us. We didn’t even have to elaborate; she immediately understood the situation when we mentioned the name of the teacher. She had more insight than the principal of our daughter’s former school. We will forever be grateful to her for her understanding.

I agree that Dr. Shkop’s email could and should have shown more warmth. But time was of the essence, as this young lady’s decision to use Facebook therapy is something she may come to regret. It’s easy to be Monday morning quarterback and find faults now.

Posted by: BK | February 28, 2013 at 11:09 PM

She shouldn't have sent an email at all! It was an extremely insensitive and inappropriate way to respond. There are so many problems with this email, that to focus on the value or not of the advice or the sincerity of Shkop is just clouding the real issues.

To Mm:

I am the survivor in question, 'Kaylie'.

Dr. Shkop never had to try to get me to therapy as I have been in therapy since I was 13. In fact, it was my therapist who encouraged me to come out about my abuse. Dr. Shkop is a wonderful woman and an incredible educator, and I greatly admire and respect her. However, her ultimatum was that either I go back into silence about my abuse or lose my position as a student at HTC. I would have dropped this and removed my post from Facebook. But I was reminded of any other girl or boy in HTC who would want to come out about their abuse in public, to inspire others, and would be silenced... because I took down my post from Facebook and the school's policy in dealing with such cases was left as is.

I did not come out to receive any form of attention. I did not mention any details about my abuse, but merely the fact that it happened. I would have 'come out' by working with Project Shield or any other group, but they can only help the ones they know about. What about the ones they do not know about? Who will help them? They can only be helped once they reached out... and they can only reach out when they know it is possible to. I came out because I was one of the girls who was under Project Shield's radar. They had no way of knowing about me. They have no way about knowing about so many. That's why I came out... not because I was looking for attention. Had I been looking for attention, I would go on and on about the gory details of my abuse ad nauseum to anyone and everyone I meet, which I do not and will not.

Depressed, as well, is something I am not. I've been in treatment, like I said. And yes, I have been depressed in the past. If I had not been, after being raped for years, I would then fear for my sanity. Depression, anxiety and trauma are all normal reactions that normal people have to abnormal situations.

Suffice it to say, Dr. Shkop's agenda was not to get me to therapy. I have no idea what it was... and perhaps it was all with good intentions. However, she dealt with it in a completely inappropriate fashion and that must be rectified for any future dealings in this matter.

I will be posting a public statement on Chaim Levin's blog, http://gottagivemhope.blogspot.com, tomorrow Iy''h. You can read everything I really have to say then. I'm sorry if the wait is too much for you... Since receiving this email at noon and everything in between... it's been a long, long day.

-Kaylie

What a brave, thoughtful, wonderful person. I wish Kylie only the best in her future. Her actions will help many people who think they can only suffer in silence.

Thank you Kaylie for your courage. You are an inspiration. Please know that we, strangers of the world, support you. You are a brave young woman. May you find healing and peace. Thank you for taking this brave step towards helping heal the shame that survivors live with. Yasher Koach.

Shkop never heard of Penn State?

I admire Kaylie for her bravery and eloquence. I wish her the very best.

As for Shkop, her actions were wrong and unprofessional in this instance, but we have testimony from BK and Kaylie herself that Shkop has been helpful in the past. I suspect Shkop is an example of a basically good, well-intentioned person who has been co-opted by a self-serving institution. Both history and the latest news are filled with such individuals. They are not evil, but they unintentionally allow evil to flourish. Why? Emotional investment in the institution, overt or covert coercion, denial, subconscious motivations. When the institution becomes more important than the individuals it serves, this kind of thing happens repeatedly. Examples, of course, are Hassidic courts, yeshivot, the Catholic Church, Penn State, and various governments throughout history.

Human beings need the resources and structure that only institutions can provide. But noble goals can never justify means such as abuse, cover-ups of abuse, and blaming the victims.

Posted by: ca | February 28, 2013 at 09:38

Based on YL observations, I would edit my above comment to read:

Dear Ms. Shkop, your email and the manner you are dealing with Kaylee isinsensitive, demeaning and steeped in ignorance. I hope you come to this realization and proceed in a more prudent way in the future. Perhaps you should read this article as a start http://www.edmontonjournal.com/news/OpEd+Sexual+violence+survivors+gain+strength+going+public/8027319/story.html

Dear Dr. Shkop
Aside from being an unfeeling and insensitive cult follower, I have but one thing to say to you: HOW DARE YOU!. This is someone's child. This woman has experienced a violation of the highest degree. You, on the other hand must find it strange that people actually experience emotion, since you clearly have no empathy. Is it possible you suffer from Aspbergers Syndrome. Your responses show that you may be suffering from the effects of mild autism, as you are incapable of understanding the devastation that child sexual abuse leaves on the victim. My suggestion is that you try to imagine this young woman as your child.

As the parent of a daughter, I would not encourage her to be quiet, instead I would be hunting the perpetrator with a rusty knife in hand and an army of like minded individuals behind me to liberate his shvantz from the rest of him. I leave with this one thought-your community has been associated with support of the perpetrator rather than the victim. You are propagating a crime against humanity and hashem. How will you answer for this when you meet him. Will you say you were acting in the best interest of the victim? I think not.

Haha so the problem does not start by the frum hasid's that are just too naive and unaware of the outside world, for example they don't know that a NON-Jew raped -2 days ago- a 22 year old girl in daylight in Manhattan!

The bright not-naive-not-Hasid licensed collage studied Dean Mrs. schkup thinks the same about attention seeking victims!
Okay so the OTD's need a new road how to attack the hasid's from now on...

Shkop and HTC fear that Kaylie will reveal on Facebook the identity of her rapist and encourage other victims to do the same.

Kaylie wisely chose to seek help outside the community offered services. Good for her! Shkop does not want her to influence others to do the same.

Shkop reflects community opinions: keep abuse private and within the community.

Posted by: Charles | March 01, 2013 at 09:31 AM

Charles... that may have made sense in your head. But once typed out on a keyboard and broadcasted to the world, your message reads like retarded gibberish.

Please try again. WTF are you trying to say.

Posted by: Yochanan Lavie | March 01, 2013 at 07:15 AM

Your points is very well thought out and written, nevertheless, from my prospect the issue herein is not that much the individual Dr. Shkop, it’s the collective kneejerk respond by people in power to any situation that might have a negative impact on their institution.

The Jewish community is just at the infancy of tackling this problem. What must be taught to the leadership that, it would be monetary painful or jail time, as Pen State is currently learning.

How dare they say this to her?! The best way to shame the college administrators is to get this story out to the general media so they are shamed in public. Yes, a shandah for the goyim. Sunlight is the best disinfectant. The administrators' feeble effort to quote the handbook serves only as a way for them to muzzle the student in this case.

The second way would be for the local Federation to call the college on the carpet. Federation dollars, raised from the general Jewish public, shouldn't be supporting such misogyny.

Haha so the problem does not start by the frum hasid's
Posted by: Charles | March 01, 2013 at 09:31 AM

You are an ignoramus, everybody but your community knows, that there is a problem and that abusers will lurk were there are children. Even the Church albeit under financial and legal duress decided that in the long run, covering up will only compound the eventual pain. That is what needs to happen to your community, bankrupted your intuitions incarcerate of few Rebbe’s and I bet you will see them run over each other to inform on the molester.

Finally, trying to make a point using an example of a rape by an adult on adult, tell me enough about your intellectual prowess, no need to explain to the differences, you are a lost case.

Alter Kocker: I "suffer" from Aspergers Syndrome and I empathize. That is a pernicious stereotype based on bad science. Sociopaths can't empathize; Aspies misread social cues and therefore seem not to care but do empathize deeply when they get it right, or when their miscues are pointed out to them. I have been mortified by misreading people, or not knowing how to respond in a conventional manner, and then being accused of being insensitive. If I really didn't empathize, I would have been able to read the cues, pretend to react in an expected manner, while secretly not giving a fuck (and possible manipulating the situation to my own advantage). That's what sociopaths do very well, and Aspies can't do at all. You have unintentionally offended me.

In the religious community the mantra spoken or unspoken is:
If we didn't see it happen then it couldn't have happened and
if it did ,
get over it and keep quiet because it will be a chilul hashem to annouce who what where and when...
The audacity of some of the self rightious self centered and holier then thou individuals is so cold and unfeeling ans so unlike what Judaism promotes and teaches.
The dean shoes she doesn't have to empathize with this young woman according to the group she is apart of. Their interest isn't in helping the victim but in shutting her up and intimdating anyone else from getting any bright ideas.
Bullying is promoting in the religious community, unfortunately and it starts in the home and schools and is encouraged in many ways.

This form of bullying is to threaten and keep control within the group.
Yes, this Dean should be ashamed of falling in line with whomever she has to answer to in the administration in order I presume to keep her job. But like I question whenever I see people do insensitve and nasty disgracefull things to one another and encourage others to do as well,
HOW DO THEY SLEEP AT NIGHT? HOW DO THEY LIVE WITH THEMSELVES? WILL THEY BE ABLE TO SAY EXTRA TEHILLIM OR GIVE TZEDAKA???
and think that this will attone for crushing anothers spirit and for chasing her from the community and persecuting her when she is the victim?
Fear is a big motivator.
The deans fear and others of learning who might be the abuser and that there are other victims out there or other abusers, motivates them to bury their heads in the sand and stick their fingers in their ears pretending that everything is alright and nothing has happened.
Its not a good way to live your life.
Dealing with the reality takes real courage and a heart.
I hope that this woman and the others encouraging victims to silence themselves will have a change of heart and not just because she fears for reprecusions but because she realizes the a young woman has been hurt terribly in a way that no human being should suffer and she is asking for our compassion and understanding and is showing a courage in coming out and hoping that she can make a difference and possibly stop the one that hurt her and others from doing it again .


I went back and read what the dean who claims to have a phd wrote to a victim

"you no longer appear as a full human"
what kind of educator writes something that cruel and destructive to another human especially someone who is hurt already?
Her words were vicious and nasty and meant to be cruel and to hurt.
That should alone should get
her fired and not allowed to "teach" , or educate"
I would never send a child of mine to a place that condones that kind of desgusting behavior and she calls herself religious.
Its subhumans like this that remind me of the nazi behavior of exploiting the wounded and sick and hurting them where they were wounded.
Your children and family should be ashamed of you and your parents that raised such a subhuman.
shame on you esther
you are the chilul hashem speaking to another human in such a way.
You are nothing like the original esther who had bravery and courage to stand up for what she was and her people.

Well, that Dean has an interest in protecting a (particular) perpetrator, or her source did. That was a character attack on a witness, not a mere reprimand.

Call me captain obvious...

A. Abuse is not a joke, and should always be handled delicately.
B. The school took her in when noone else would.
C.If the school is so dreadful, why is she still enrolled. Should she not have up and left? Even more why would she still reside in the dorm?
D. The letter that the dean wrote was NOT THE FIRST CONVERSATION SHE HAD WITH THE SCHOOL ABOUT HER ABUSE. In fact the school had been arranging therapy for her!
E. This school has helped out tens of abuse victims in the past, yet this website and its readers love a witchhunt no matter how valid it is. That is why people show up here.
F. This girl was NOT ABUSED during her tenure at the school or in Chicago, yet that would take away the
"cover up" aspect of your story. Your "journalism" is both crooked and cunning as you edit a story to fit the platform you so desperately try to promote.

The girls real name is Shay and she is a known troublemaker and pathological liar

Dear Oy Vey,

A. True point.
B. HTC was the only school I applied to, because I wanted to be with my grandparents. They were happy to have me.
C. HTC is a wonderful school, as I wrote above. And I love how you felt it was okay to post where I live.
D. You are right. It was the second. And the school has nothing to do with my therapy. I go to NWCASA for therapy and arranged to go there before I was accepted to HTC.
F. Actually, my third sexual abuser abused me till October 17th, well into my first semester in HTC.

It's wonderful that you are able to use a pseudonym while outing my own name. I thank you for doing that; it saved me the bother of making the decision of whether using my real name was useful or not. I am very impressed with your 'diagnosis'. I've been diagnosed with major clinical depression(cured), major clinical anxiety (cured), PTSD (stable), EDNOS (stable) and selective mutism (stable). The professionals disagree with you- I am not a pathological liar. And about being a known troublemaker- that makes me think of Pitch Perfect, and no, I do not belong to any all-male collegiate a capella group.

-Shay ('Kaylie'

On your point that I use a psuodonym while outing your name; perhaps you should have thought about that before you allowed the deans name and info to be released yet you chose to hide behind the "Kaylie" pseudonym. Karma can be a bitch I know. And I wasn't trying to give people your 411 rather I am attempting to nail home the point that you publically harbor venemous sentiment against a school and it's administration and instead of throwing you out as so many insitutions would, they still continue to shelter and care for you. Sometimes ones perceived greatest enemies are truly the only "friends" they have. You list all of the sad problems you have and yet at no point does it dawn on you that this school overlooked ALL of your problems and took you in. You should be kissing your lucky stars for schools like the Blitstein institute instead of vilifying them for asking you to take down a stupid facebook post. All hope is not lost for you Shay, but snap out of the fantasia you are currently composing.

Oy Vey is one sick, demented individual.

Kaylie you are a superstar!

OY VEy, outing a school administrator for being insensitive and cruel is one thing. Publicly naming a child abuse victim is another.

As for thanking the school for taking her in, she is an adult. The school is a college, not a high school. She can choose to be wherever she wants. Clearly in this great big country there were other things she could have found to do with her time.

I think we can all tell who the known troublemaker and pathological liar is.

This is the last comment I'll make on this thread.

I didn't use my real name because I didn't want to come across as seeking attention to myself, rather then what was going on. I am merely a pawn in all this- this is about mistreating survivors of sexual abuse, not about me.

I harbor no venomous sentiments at all. I think HTC is a wonderful school. I am angry at the way the situation was handled, which is why I am persisting in trying to get HTC to change their policy in dealing with abuse.

Believe what you want about my fantasia. It's probably a lot nicer place than the harsh and one color world you live in.

Hey Oy Vey, Go fuck yourself you sick piece of human garbage!

Posted by: OY VEY | March 01, 2013 at 03:10 PM

Seldom have we got the opportunity to have a courtside seat, when a victim so methodical takes apart the instigator. Your willingness to judge the victims motives without placing yourself in their shows, speaks volumes to your motive. This is self-evident, not benefitting the victim or even the school.

Kaylie, myself as a victim of sexual molestation, I give a round of applause you yourself sacrifice, to other victims. Helping others is the best cure to could get.

Sorry should say “shoes”

Kaylee, do not answer that sick bastard Oy Vey! The fact that he listed your name and residence goes against any standard of human decency and understanding of abuse. The fact that he thinks it is the same for you to list the principal's name and for him to list your name shows that he is a vile, disgusting, ignorant imbecile!

You are a very brave courageous woman and obviously extremely thoughtful and highly intelligent.

Joe: I somehow missed your earlier response to me. I agree that Shkop is merely a flea on a rat's ass. I didn't make my point clear enough: she is symptomatic of a larger problem ; basically good people become enablers.

BTW: It takes courage to come out as an abuse victim. I salute you alongside Kaylie.

Dear Harry Maryles,
This is a letter I am sure you won't publish not your site. You had no problem rightfully naming institutions aligned with Satmar or Lubavitch or in Lakewood or in Monsey when there is scandal relating to abusor cover up or intimidation of those who have been abused. But, when it is in your own backyard, you refuse to name institutions like Skokie Yeshiva's Blitstein Institute or the Agudah of Chicago when there is a scandal relating to them. This inconsistency cannot be attribute to shmiras haloshon is not zihiros limitzvos but rather only to hypocrisy.
This type activity is not indicative of emes or emunah, but just plain sheker.

It is obvious that the reason the young girl was by implication threatened regarding her status as a student is because of a community malady. There seems to be an impression that an association with a girl who tells the truth about what went on in her community and how she suffered will result in complications in the shidduch aspirations of all those whom are associated with her. The use of the threat of shidduchim is destroying our community. It is used by the right wing to control people in a total irrational manner and now this fear has infected the left wing of orthodox Jewry. Its time to face reality and stop this madness and to do what is right and to give support to enable others to act correctly as well.

Kaylie, you are a hero! Best of luck to you!

I agree with Oy Vey and to all those who are accusing someone of outing a name, isn't this whole thing about the fact that "Kaylie" outed HERSELF on facebook. Not sure what the issue here is.

To: Dr. Shkop-By your logic Andrew Grove besmirches Imtel and Elie Wiesel desmirches Boston University by admitting to being Holocaust survivors.
To: Kaylie-You are a brave and honest woman. Try to think of yourself not as an abuse victim but as an abuse survivor!

Posted by: nebach | March 01, 2013 at 04:59 PM

Your pseudonym nebach, says it all, indeed you are a nebach.

A nebach you truly are. To have anything but compassion for a survivor such as Kaylee shows a real lack of understanding and empathy. What and when Kaylee reveals should be om her terms ad not on the terms of a sick vindictive person such as oy vey, yimach shimo.

Dear Harry Maryles,
I have noticed that you have edited or deleted almost all posts that don't agree with you. Were you trained by the Soviet Union's KGB regarding freedom of expression....this is almost as bad as Agudas Yisroel. Even the Catholic Church today is better that you, the Agudah, and HTC.

ps. This is a post I know Harry would not post on his site.

I would like to recommend to the Catholic Church that they seriously consider Dr. Esther Schkop to be a candidate to become the new pope. This would also prove hoe progressive and ecumenical they have become.

By this activity of intimidating a victim of sexual abuse she is clearly better qualified at this activity than most of the cardinals today (who have changed their attitudes, somewhat.)

This appointment would contribute greatly to the fostering of better relations between the Jewish People and the Catholic Church.

College of cardnials I would advise you to perhaps shore up your spelling and grammar if you want to be taken seriously. Than again on this website, all you need to comment, is a half brain and a vendetta.

To many of the people that posted on this site:
as kaylie herself said:I harbor no venomous sentiments at all. I think HTC is a wonderful school. I am angry at the way the situation was handled, which is why I am persisting in trying to get HTC to change their policy in dealing with abuse.
this page should be filled with people supporting kaylie, not bashing every jewish institution. it is not a chilul hashem for kaylie to put this up; is is a chilul hashem for everyone else to react by using this as an impetus for their own battles against jewish institutions. you are not helping kaylie, you are only causing more hate in the world

Dear Sinas Chinam
Is it really sinas chinam to criticize people who are victimized and intimidated. The proper thing would be for the Hebrew Theological College to apologize for its impulsive mistake and to make sure that blunders of this type will never be committed again. Until they adopt the mature approach, HTC has identified themselves with those who enable molesters to destroy our precious children. I do not think that HTC should receive any special treatment when it intimidates the victim just as special treatment should not be given to people who do similar activities in the Lakewood, Satmar, Monsey communities as well as Charedi communities in Israel and Agudas Israel Communities Worldwide.
To equate enablers of molestation as well as those who victimize and intimidate the victims (who should also be considered enablers) with those who have sinas chinam is the ultimate absurdity and in and oof itself a form of a cover-up.
Is enabling the molestation of jewish children to be considered chinam, as if it is nothing! You should be ashamed of yourself, and, if you have children, you should be doubly ashamed. You appear to lack proper values and adequate concern for your fellow Jews. Concern for Jewish Institutions cannot and must not come before the concern for Jewish Children. One wonders what were the values imparted to you by your parents and teachers...either they failed to teach or you failed to learn or a combination thereof. V'hu rachum yichapair avon vilo yash'chis. Apparently our community is much sicker than I thought. The lives of Jewish children cannot be treated as if they are hefker. If this post is written in anger its only because the anger is warranted in not recognizing how acceptance of molestation have affected the institutions of our community. To not speak out about a cover=up and/or intimidation of the victim is equivalent to not speaking up in the face of murder when one realizes how many suicides have resulted from molestation. You are either very stupid or lack any morals whatsoever.

"It shows how deeply ingrained is the corrupt Orthodox public culture where concern for the supposed reputaion of the institution takes precedence over basic human sensitivity. "

Lawrence Kaplan on http://haemtza.blogspot.com/2013/03/a-sex-abuse-victims-challenge-on.html#disqus_thread

yes because in this case dr esther shkop speaks for the entire htc faculty, and everything that has to do with it right? and this was not a message to kaylie, but to everyone in any way involved in HTC right? wait...it wasnt
if there was a person in the institution that molested someone, then i would agree why it would be a terrible thing to keep them. but dr shkop didnt molest anyone. noone in htc did. the sinas chinam aspect in question is certain people who decide to add HTC as part of a list of "child molesting institutions." i am not arguing that dr shkop overreacted and erred in this aspect, but like i said before, this should be about supporting kaylie. i agree with her on her decision to go public about this. but to vilify the institution is something you have no right to do. again, as kaylie said before "I harbor no venomous sentiments at all. I think HTC is a wonderful school. I am angry at the way the situation was handled, which is why I am persisting in trying to get HTC to change their policy in dealing with abuse." her words, not mine. bring kaylie up, dont bring everyone else down

Agree with "sick of sinas chinam".
It's sad to see how many responders here apparently don't give a damn about kaylie, but are using her as an opportunity to take out their aggression against a religious institution, of which kaylie herself wrote is a wonderful school. The dean made a mistake in judgement (I don't know if she discussed it with a professional beforehand), and hopefully this will be rectified. But the venom spewed here certainly won't help kaylie.

In response to some of the non-sense posted in defense of the attempt to threaten a young girl who was a victim of molestation, it is important to note the following things:

1. If a dean notifies a student that she is not in comliance with the rules of the school, and the school is aware of that notification, and the school does not disaccociate itself from the statement of the dean, any bar-saichel (few as they might be) understands that apparently the dean's action reflect the policies of that school and cannot be a treated as a statement of just that one person.

2. Penn state is one of the outstanding educational institutions of our country. Nevertheless, their mistakes regarding molestation could not be ignored and were not ignored. The same should be true regarding Jewish institutions.

3. Agudas Yisroel has never had any of its leading members being accused of actually being involved in molestation. Nevertheless, many have spoken against them because of their actions which enable molestors to not be identified and taken to justice. An organization, even if its staff was not invlolved in molestation, has to be held accountable for not permitting someone who was molested to go public. They are following the path of Agudas Yisroel. In doing so, they have been following the path of Agudas Yisroel who probably has been the greater enabler of molestation in the orthodox community.

4. Throughout the years, many in the orthodox community did not reallize the consequences of their attitudes and lack of action concerning molestation. However, with the passage of time, there has been a new approach. Consequently, it is difficult to find fault with someone who who in the past did not understand the consequences of their actions. But today, when we are aware of the tragedy caused by molestation and of our non-actions relating to it, it behooves educators and community leaders to openly say we have to change our attitudes.

5. It seems that the most appropriate course of action for the school and its dean is to publicly issue a statement that they no longer find fault with what the girl did. This will show not only sympathy for her situation, but it will help the greater community to understand the seriousness of interefering with the fight against molestation.

6. In addition, it would be a good lesson for students to learn, that even though everyone makes mistakes, it is ok to publicly recognize that reallity. Our entire community made a mistake in their lenient atttitude towrds molestation for many years (perhaps because they were not educated about molestations impact on the younger generation), but we can change our attitudes now.

7. For too long, halachic terms such as mesira, lashon hara, and sinas chinam have been used as a smoke screen to allow molestors to continue to cause great harm to our children. This falsification of Torah must be eliminated, and, those who use these terms, must be recognized as enablers. It turns mitzvos in avairos and avairos into mitzvos. It offers an institution and its dean (through a public apology) to turn the tide in our community. They have to decide what is more important - obstinance, arrogance, and egotism - or the welfare of our younger generation. We hope that they will place the welfare of our children as their primary concern.

Why are you assuming that this is the first communication Dr. Shkop had with the student? Knowing Dr. Shkop I am positive that there was previous dialogue between Dr. Shkop and the student and this is the response to previous conversations.

David 5,
I don't care how many times they communicated about this. Calling a student "sick" and "pathological" among other nast things is uncalled for and unprofessional. It's a personal, venomous attack on her character, and shouldn't be part of any dialogue between an administrator and student.

Shosh, Either you are the sick and pathological one or you need reading glasses(or both). Fabricating things won't make your statement true. Read the letter that Dr. Shkop wrote and find one time that she calls this student pathological or sick. Once you are done and can't find it, perhaps find the courage to say sorry for being a bullshit artist extrodanaire. This website isn't about facts, it is about Sociopaths like yourself having a platform to spew whatever non-sensical bullshit comes to their uneducated heads at that second.

From Harry Maryles' blog: Dr. Shkop offers an apology and Kaylie's response. And a public state from HTC.

Dr. Shkop's letter:

Dear Kaylie*,

Over the last number of difficult days, regret and a stirring sadness have overtaken me because of the insensitive and harsh email I recently sent you. I ask for your mechila [forgiveness] and extend you my deepest apology.

Inasmuch as [Torani L'Banot] has always endeavored to provide all of our students with full academic, emotional, and spiritual support - taking into account the variety of life experiences - it has become clear to me that we must do a better job in creating both the appropriate environment and the systems necessary to support our students in their greatest hour of need. I do maintain our position that it is not in keeping with the standards of Tznius [modesty] and fundamentally unsafe to post intimate information about oneself and others on social media. [Torani L'Banot], therefore, provides a private and safe forum for support and guidance.

We know that the Almighty places tests before us not only to draw closer to the Creator of the World, but to bolster our capabilities in improving the lives of His children, particularly those that are in great pain and in need of our help and support. We will be assembling the expertise needed to make recommendations to the Board and to me on the resources and support systems we must improve to serve our cherished students to the fullest extent of our capability.

We as Jewish educators of young adults are on the front-line of life’s many challenges. Tragically, the scourge of sexual abuse and misconduct has not spared the Orthodox community and its precious children. We, therefore, must continue to be an institution that sets the standard in helping and supporting our students as they demonstrate the bravery and fortitude required for the healing process. This is the test the Ribbono Shel O’lam [Lord of the Universe] has clearly put before me in the wake of my private email to you.

Sincerely,

Dr. Esther M. Shkop

*pseudonym

Kaylie’s Response:

I’ve been told to keep quiet for as long as I can remember. My rapist told me not to tell. I could not, but I needed to. That night, I stood in front of my father and tried to tell him what had happened — tried to find some way to explain what went on while he and my mother weren’t home. I had no way to explain what my rapist had done. I could not put terms to the body parts, and no one ever warned me that what had happened was wrong. I only knew that my rapist had tried to manipulate me into stripping for him by telling me he would give me eight dollars and that, after he raped me, he did not pay up. I told my father that I was owed eight dollars… but I could not explain why. I was 7, and these were things that were not talked about.

That silence, that tugging feeling of anguish in my throat with no words to set it free, has stayed with me for years. I was told to not tell my parents. When I finally started speaking about any of the pain within me, I was told to not talk about it to others.

Over the years, I have made a tremendous amount of progress with my therapist. There are many organizations that can help survivors, but they can only help the ones they know about. What about the ones they do not know about? Who will help them? They can only be helped once they reached out... and they can only reach out when they know it is possible to. I came out because I had been one of the girls which were under the radar. They had no way of knowing about me. They have no way about knowing about so many. That's why I came out.

Silence is overrated. There's nothing golden about it when it's hiding the worst pain.

I was shocked because of the underlying message of the first email — that we, as survivors, are somehow the bad ones. That was the very same attitude I had taken a stand against in coming out as a survivor; it breeds silence and allows the attitude to fester from the silent anguish inside victims. This pain and the fear of being expelled from college was what drove me to contact Chaim Levin.

By bringing public attention to what was happening at school, I hoped that this attitude might be reexamined and that I would be able to remain in a school which I had come to truly love. HTC is a wonderful place — the faculty is professional while retaining a level of friendliness towards the students, and every single professor is genuinely interested in the welfare and the progress of the students, as is Dr. Shkop.

The choice Dr. Shkop made when she emailed me her beautiful apology was a wise one — she put her institution at the forefront of schools taking steps to protect and support survivors of sexual abuse. I greatly admire her strength in admitting to her mistakes, and I am very happy we were able to reach a détente. The compromises we both made were not necessarily enormous, but the ripple effect of her actions will, God willing, make an effect which is more than enormous. Pain and darkness can only be fought with a passion for the light, and that passion is something Dr. Shkop exudes in abundance. The darkness every survivor has lived in can only last so long, and, with every step forward, another bit of pain is alchemized into something truly precious — hope.

Update
The following statement has just been released by the Hebrew Theological College.
Tragically and painfully, sexual abuse and misconduct is a plague in our world and our Orthodox community has not been spared. Throughout its history, Hebrew Theological College has always provided caring support and guidance for its students. We are proud of this tradition and are committed to continue to actively demonstrate the highest ideals of Torah and Chesed. Regrettably, in a recent communication with a student who enrolled in our school with a past history of being a victim of sexual abuse, we failed to exercise appropriate sensitivity. As a consequence, we regard this as a catalyst for immediate action, growth and institutional improvement.
Our Board and Executive Leadership are now in the process of identifying a cross section of experts to present recommendations to us that will enable us to develop the resources and support systems needed so that we are positioned to the fullest extent possible to help our students through the healing process.

I posted the 'apology' two hours ago.

Do you have some illness that prevents you for acknowledging that?

My "illness" was going back to the place I had set a link to. Your illness is being mean-spirited for no reason that I can fathom.

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