Breeding Violence Against Women

Hadassah Shalom, the in-house social worker in charge of children's therapy at this Bat Melech shelter, says ultra-Orthodox children often have special problems: "It is hard for these children to say bad things about their father: They are educated to respect their parents no matter what their behavior. A lot of the children blame their mother for the violence. They say if Mom doesn't do what Daddy wants, if she put the pan down in the wrong spot, then he hits her. Why doesn't she do what he says? The kids tend to identify with the strong parent."

 

Ha'aretz has an article on the creation of a shelter for haredi women who are victims of domestic violence:

…Hadassah Shalom, the in-house social worker in charge of children's therapy at this Bat Melech shelter, says ultra-Orthodox children often have special problems: "It is hard for these children to say bad things about their father: They are educated to respect their parents no matter what their behavior. A lot of the children blame their mother for the violence. They say if Mom doesn't do what Daddy wants, if she put the pan down in the wrong spot, then he hits her. Why doesn't she do what he says? The kids tend to identify with the strong parent."…

"The women here have already tried everything. They've turned to rabbis, who have told them to go back and make peace in the home. They know that life as a divorced woman in Haredi society will be terribly hard, harder than for a secular woman. If a Haredi wife and mother takes the radical step of leaving her husband and coming to a shelter, the situation is extremely bad."…

Actually, "Mom" is taught to be subservient to "Daddy," and that is what haredi children are taught in school, as well.

When either parent hits them, they understand it as punishment from a superior – just as they understand it as punishment from a superior when "Daddy" hits "Mom." That's why they think "Mom" is wrong and "Daddy" is right.

That also means that "Daddy" is by definition the "strong parent" Hadassah Shalom disingenuously talks about.

Couple this institutionalized misogyny with domestic violence and you have disasters, not only in this generation, but in the next.

Comments

[jancsibacsi]

Just like by the fanatical muslims some hassidim terrotize the wife into submission by emotional or physical abuse and of course the chidren a scared of the father,this kind of behaviour is endemic in their lifestyle anything to protect their cult

[S M L]

More of the same behavior, always ultimately hurting the women and children. Not much of G-d's mercy evident here, is there? Lots of 'religion' but an absence of morality.

[S M L]

This is from JPost today:

Wednesday Dec 19, 2012

Being a woman is deadlier than terror in Israel

(By Laura Rosbrow)

I can’t count the number of terror related articles I have read in the last year about Israel. On the other hand, I’ve probably only read a few dozen articles over the same period of time about Israeli women facing domestic violence.

With this kind of media focus on conflict many Israeli women, myself included, are more afraid of terror than their intimate partners. However, the data reveals another story.

The Women’s International Zionist Organization announced that the number of women that have been killed by partner violence in Israel so far this year is 19. This is more than nine times the number of Israeli women that have been killed in terrorist related incidents in 2012, including Operation Pillar of Defense. Only two women have been killed in terror attacks so far this year. Furthermore, the number of people in general that have been killed in terror incidents in Israel in 2012 is 14 - this is five people less than the total number of women that have been killed by their partners.

As a journalist and a woman, this gives me a lot to think about.

[S M L]

Re: my previous post

There's a rebutting comment following that post that claims that most of the women referenced in it were not the usual run of Jewish Israelis but were Eritrean, Filipino or others. Perhaps so. Regardless of what they were the numbers hold up.

[Moishe Kaptzan]

CASE IN POINT: You claimed to be in the know about the Chaim Halpern case, information that no one else knows (only the victims are not prepared to go on the record). You cite lots from other websites but come up with nothing of your own but in each and every instance claim to know more only you can't say. I used to do that when I was in the third grade. You need to grow up, get some sunlight (get out of your Mom's basement), deal with your Hardei issues and move on in life. There's a reson guys your age are not married / can't hold a relationship together. Take a long look in the mirror and you'll see the answer.

[Aaron]

, if she put the pan down in the wrong spot, then he hits her.

How many haredi men care where a pan gets put in the kitchen, if anything the kitchen is the womens domain. Something is fishy in this report

[Better than you]

Moishe Kaptzan:
You are condoning violence; should he take a glimpse at the mirror, he will break it to pieces...
I enjoyed every word you wrote ;-)

[Runner1983]

The haredi cults are not practicing Judasim, but something else. Given the deviant culture they have created, they should be prevented from calling themselves Jews.

[Atheodox Jew]

Does anyone know stats on this - is there a higher rate of domestic violence in charedi communities over other communities?

[Adam]

is there a higher rate of domestic violence in charedi communities over other communities?

Posted by: Atheodox Jew | December 23, 2012 at 01:11 AM

No.

[Runner1983]

Adam, please share the source of your data that indicates that the rate of domestic violence in the haredi communities is not higher than in other communities.

[Runner1983]

Adam, Let's assume the rate of domestic violence is the same. Why can't haredi victims of domestic violence get support from the haredi rabbis and the community. Why must they suffer with no help?

[Adam]

Adam, please share the source of your data that indicates that the rate of domestic violence in the haredi communities is not higher than in other communities.

Posted by: Runner1983 | December 23, 2012 at 04:36 AM

How about showing a source that shows that domestic violence is higher in the haredi community than in other communities.

[Runner1983]

Adam, unlike you, I never said it was.

[Feminista]

Adam and Runner1963 - the rate of physical violence is almost irrelevant when the culture condones and encourages the treatment of women as property of the husband or father. Haredi women are little more than domestic robots and walking wombs in the eyes of their families. That is, assuming their husbands work to bring in any income. If the husband is a bocher, it's even worse, since Mama is to blame for not making enough money to finance the husband's standing in the community (or visits to prostitutes) and to "educate" the boys. Moreover, I would be willing to bet that they receive less medical care than the men, unless they are pregnant.

This too is violence, but it is more spiritual in nature, so nobody is as concerned although it is just as destructive in its own way. In such households, the attitude towards women is passed down, and even when members leave the cult it is difficult for them to treat women as equals with their own sense of self-determination. So, the (reported) domestic violence rate, while possibly significant, tends to be only a part of the consequence of a frum lifestyle on women.

[Runner1983]

Well said, Feminista, well said. Thanks for bringing the exchange of views back on point - the marginalization of women and their poor treatment within the haredi cult. I feel sorry for the children born into this cult - they will never develop the interpersonal skills to effectively deal with others.

[Yoel Mechanic]

I've seen a number of community activists and organizations & academics and professionals dedicated to solving the problems of domestic violence, and gender inequities and injustices. But I have never seen any of them resort of community wide slanders and misinformation in the name of that goal.

[spacedout BT]

What about the spread of HIV virus to the wives of these men as a result of their "visits"? Do you have nay data on that?

[No_Light]

Yoel - women and children are being abused, made homeless, and being cruelly shunned for daring to seek help or refuge.

I wouldn't expect you to understand this, but here's the deal - telling the truth is not slander. Speaking out about rape, abuse, and neglect does not make someone a moser.

It's a very telling indication of your true nature that you place the image of your people over the mental and physical health of women and children.

Funny though, I've never noticed you complaining about representation of other communities, such as the Falashas, Israeli Arabs, etc.

Abuse (be it domestic, physical, sexual or psychological in nature) destroys lives. Young children witnessing domestic abuse can never hope to learn healthy relationship models, or develop appropriate coping skills. The effects get passed on through generations.

As Feminista says, the haredim are prime examples of this. It's as if the system is designed to produce dysfunctional people who cannot cope in the outside world, or make decisions for themselves.

Oh, wait...

[a fellow Jew.]

Personal experiance- a woman who leaves her abusive, drunken illiterate husband must be in the wrong!!
I left my ex- who is all of the above, over a year ago, not only is he not given me a penny towards the children, but the community supports him in EVERY way and will not help me at all, labelling me a trouble maker!

[a fellow Jew.]

p.s he is also being encouraged not to give me a GET. I believe the theory is, make her life difficult and she will see 'sense' and go back for more abuse.

[Runner1983]

No Light: You state "It's as if the system is designed to produce dysfunctional people who cannot cope in the outside world, or make decisions for themselves."

You have just described the haredi culture perfectly. The culture is designed as cult, led by rabbis accountable to no one, and who are only interested in power and authority over their followers. The marginalization of women amd the rejection of themmodern world by this cult grows exch day, through fatwas issued by various rabbis in this cult. Due to their relatively high growth rate, I fear for Israel's future.

[Runner1983]

FellowJew: So sorry that you are going through this. It is time for the get to go. Unfortunately, even if is clear that a practice is completely unfair and detrimental, the haredi rabbis would never consider changing it, ever.

[a fellow Jew.]

Runner, seriously a woman needs a GET to move on with her life!What do you suggest?

[Runner1983]

Fellow Jew, a change in paradigm is needed. Neither the husband nor the wife should be able to unilaterally prevent a divorce. Too often it is withheld to extract revenge, money or child custody by the husband, more so in bet dins, then in civil courts.

[nk]

Let's see how many domestic violence incidents involved Arab men and Jewish women....

[A fellow Jew.]

Runner- civil courts in England can not help with the Jewish side of things but can sort out finances. What do you suggest? It is as you say a power thing, it is my exs only control in life. I have not stopped him seeing the kids, asked for money etc funnily enough he wants control so badly, he took me to court with wild accusations but is being prooven a lier over and over which does not help him. All I want is him out of my life with a GET!!

[Runner1983]

Fellow Jew - Your situation is the perfect example of why Jewish law needs to change, so a get granted by the party withholding it is not necessary to finalize a divorce. Of course, the rabbis will not recognize the issue and change the law, because they are anchored in the past. My best to you as you work through this issue.

[A fellow Jew.]

Runner- actually the beis din is the biggest problem, because they want power and if a man won't listen to them then they turn thier back on the woman because it hurts thier pride to admit they actually have thier hands tied!