Before You Pray, Bidet

"Endorsed by Gedolei Yisroel as THE MOST EFFECTIVE form of personal hygiene."

[Hat Tip: HeathenHassid.]

Comments

[R]

Did some frum plumber have a job lot that they needed to shift?

[Jack]

Before You Pray, Bidet
"Endorsed by Gedolei Yisroel as THE MOST EFFECTIVE form of personal hygiene."

Any way we can get the list of gedolim who endorsed this?

[David]

Good to see the frumma taking an interest in personal hygiene.

But to use a bidet before one davens, that is a new concept. Don't most frumma men go to the mikvah in the morning? So would using the bidet come before or after that? And what about mincha and maariv?

Yes, as R said, someone had a job lot that needed to be shifted.

[avi]

they cost only 30 NIS in Israel, and they are very easy to install.

[David]

The frumma are increasingly adopting Moslem practises such as extreme "modesty" and extreme separation between the sexes.

Among these are ritual washing before praying.

The concept of using a bidet before davening is new to Judaism and I don't even think Muslims do it (but just wash hands and feet).

Next the frumma will adopt the frum Muslim practise of shaving pubic hair (although, increasingly standard practise among the general female Gentile population below about 35 years), underarm and anal hair at least every 40 days.

Beyond that, let's hope the Charedim don't start suicide bombing to achieve their objectives.

Perhaps they could try just learning and being Jewish instead?

[gopjew]

The ironic thing is that if Orthodoxy adopts Islamic modesty laws then Islam will in fact be the less strict religion due to more chilled out dietary laws and no sabbath.

[Eli, what me messiah?]

Possible slogan:

"GO WASH YOUR HAIRY BUTT!"

[gopjew]

when you are stricter than Islam you know you got a problem. XD roflmao

[Turd Degree]

If the Gedolim themselves would use the bidet, it might provide a much needed check on the those odious chumras they regularly pull out of their ass.

[zibble]

I don't believe in a print endorsement. I want to see real photos of the endorsers using the product. A youtube video would be best.

Thank you.

[Lubavitchers are Christians]

All rhetoric aside, this is an extreme case of OCD. Those frumma that suffer from OCD in the area of cleanliness, will most definitely buy this product. In effect, A-Z Plumbing is preying on the vulnerabilities of OCD sufferers in the frum community. This is outrageous.

[lion]

i actaually called them

they said rav elyashiv endorsed bidet's

[Yanky]

You're not allowed to carry on shabbos, pieces of toilet paper getting stuck.

[Bassy the Haredi Slayer]

although, increasingly standard practise among the general female Gentile population below about 35 years

Yes, even MILFs are shaving their pubic hair now. If you have a fetish to be with a woman with a pubic hair you will have to hit the nursing homes...

[Pokey]

Old news - I've been straddling the kitchen sink for years.

[Nigritude Ultramarine]

"Next the frumma will adopt the frum Muslim practise of shaving pubic hair ..."

My wife tells me that this has become de rigueur among young kallahs today. There is a cottage industry of frumme ladies doing "Brazilian" wax treatments for kallah before the chasunah.

[Nigritude Ultramarine]

"If you have a fetish to be with a woman with a pubic hair you will have to hit the nursing homes..."

In my gym, the 40-year-old women have adult pubic hair; the twentysomethings have all been trimmed and styled.

Naomi Wolf. Feature: The Porn Myth
In the end, porn doesn't whet men's appetites—it turns them off [to] the real thing. New York Magazine: Oct. 2003.

[WoolSilkCotton, rock star and sports superstar]

Nigritude,

Off topic, but I remember not long ago we had some discussion here about cancer screening, and how aggressive screening does not necessarily improve cancer results.
Here is a recent article I thought you'd find interesting, in support of what you were saying (although I believe the topic we were discussing was colon cancer).

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/22/opinion/
cancer-survivor-or-victim-of-overdiagnosis.html

[Yochanan Lavie]

Apologies to: Four Tops - Walk Away Renee

And when I hear about new chumrot every day
The latest ones cause me to say “Oy vey!”

Chorus:
Before you pray bidet
You won't see me with a soiled backside
The empty shteiblach on my block are not the same
The smell is slain

From deep inside the wetness I’ve gotta dry
From deep inside the places tzniyus makes me hide

Before you pray bidet
You won't see me with a soiled backside
Now as the water drips upon my weary thighs
“Gevalt!” I schrei (2x)

G-d’s name I say when I daven at the Wall
Still gotta clean my Johnson, though it is so small

Chorus

[Eli, what me messiah?]

YL, will you PLEASE do a book of your parodies? I'm in need of some Xmas presents for my Lubavitch friends and would gladly donate to FM for copies. It would be a perfect stocking stuffer.

[Yochanan Lavie]

Actually, I'm thinking about it. I need a block of time to compile it, and I need to know how many would sell.

[Wigmore]

"Before you pray, bidet."

Forget the fact that "bidet" is not a verb. From the standpoint of halacha as viewed through a warped mind, why doesn't it say instead,

"Before you pray, colon cleanse?"

Or is that for the next scammer?

[Pokey]

Nigritude - it is also a way for the kalla's family to defray the cost of the chasson's shtreimel (beaver fur).

[Eli, what me messiah?]

YL,
If you price them at $20 apiece, put me down for 5 (or 10 at $10). Figure il buy as many as I can for $100.

[Alter Kocker]

Nigritude - it is also a way for the kalla's family to defray the cost of the chasson's shtreimel (beaver fur).

Posted by: Pokey | November 26, 2012 at 11:57 AM

Brilliant! LOL

[Lubavitchers are Christians]

YL,
If you price them at $20 apiece, put me down for 5 (or 10 at $10). Figure il buy as many as I can for $100.

Posted by: Eli, what me messiah? | November 26, 2012 at 12:37 PM

Will you do 1 @ $100?

[Nigritude Ultramarine]

@WSC "Off topic, [...]"

At least obliquely related -- as far as anatomical sites go.

@WSC "Here is a recent article I thought you'd find interesting, in support of what you were saying (although I believe the topic we were discussing was colon cancer)."

Thanks. I just pushed it my eReader. I'll be sure to read it.

The topic that was under discussion -- at least in my mind -- was colorectal cancer.

[Nigritude Ultramarine]

Beyoncé Knowles' second solo album B'Day was released on September 5, 2006 in the United States, to coincide with Knowles' twenty-fifth birthday.

I wonder if the A & R people at Columbia thought to run the album name in front of any focus groups before its release? Or at least change its name for the European market?

[David]

I would like to see the men start washing their beards.

[Eli, what me messiah?]

LAC, yes I would do 1 at $100. It's a lot but I'm less worried about my future now that the economy is safe with Obama. So I can splurge.

[Yochanan Lavie]

Thanks, Eli, LRC. If there's a real interest, I might do it.

[David]

Thanks, Eli, LRC. If there's a real interest, I might do it.

Posted by: Yochanan Lavie | November 26, 2012 at 05:57 PM

Yes, there is a real interest. Perhaps you could also make music videos and put them on a YouTube channel?

[Yochanan Lavie]

David: I don't play an instrument, but I can carry a tune.

[Anti-kike]

I'm pretty certain that bidets are Euro-Christian in origin. They have nothing to do with Judaism or Islam. Some posters here are Semite-centrics. Bidets are considered by some as an upscale bathroom feature.

[David]

I'm pretty certain that bidets are Euro-Christian in origin. They have nothing to do with Judaism or Islam. Some posters here are Semite-centrics. Bidets are considered by some as an upscale bathroom feature.

Posted by: Anti-kike | November 26, 2012 at 07:54 PM

Anti-kike, you probably were a bidet in a past life. Most likely you still are.

[Anti-kike]

I'm not sure what your response is about David. What part of my post triggered your comment? Several posts above seem to think bidets were invented for religious observances of Jews and Muslims. No such truth. That's the point. Help me understand why posters seem to think that they were. Whether or not Jews would need a bidet for hygiene purposes is another issue. By the way, do people know bidets are really intended for use by females, not males. I'm not so sure.

[Anti-kike]

By the way. I checked-out AZ's website. the plumber business is in Ohio and appears to be owned by someone named Eitan. No mention of bidets were evidenced--just typical plumbing services. There are coupons for various services if anyone is interested. Is it possible this bidet ad is a forgery. Perhaps Dave could call to confirm the ad and get the full story from Eitan.

[danny]

When I was in Egypt (1994), most of the toilets had these little bidet spigots built into the toilet. All you had to do was turn on the water to get a welcome shpritz up the tuchus.

I recommend it HIGHLY. It really gets you so much cleaner than paper alone.

YL... I'd buy your book.

[David]

I'm not sure what your response is about David. What part of my post triggered your comment?

Posted by: Anti-kike | November 26, 2012 at 08:58 PM

Umm... The bit where you call yourself "Anti-kike"? This is not Stormfront you know.

[MosheCohen]

The Steipler, at the back of his Sefer Krayna de Igresa, has some very interesting letters. Among them, one written to a charedi clearly suffering from ocd regarding being clean enough anally to Daven. The Steipler warns him in no uncertain terms that it's a mental health problem and to stop worrying about it.

[anti-kike]

Thanks for clarifying David. I do suppose that "anti-kike" could be taken the wrong way. (As it should.) It is a reaction to the number of self-hating Jews that post here. I love Jews. I hate kikes. Many posts on failedmessiah.com fit in nicely on stormfront. So "anti-kike" in my own personal way is an expression of disgust at how much my fellow Jews can hate each other.

[Yochanan Lavie]

I don't hate anybody personally. I hate malfeasence and fanaticism. I will not be silent in opposing odious practices and ideologies in the name of "unity." And I fear for the good name of the Jewish people when these things exist in our name.

Finally, as one of the few regulars here who is somewhat observant and goes to shul, I do fear the wrath of God coming upon our people for the many chillulei Hashem being perpetrated in His name by people who are visibly "religious."

[tushy the bassie slayer]

i dont know whats so bad with a bidet... i hardly use toilet paper anymore... i mean who wants to smear crap all over the tush? washing with water is so much more healthier and feels refreshing! and to bassy i dunno about u ..but i like my women and my wife with a nice bush.... if i wanted to have sex with a bald vagina ill go for a 10 year old. im happy with bush and im happy with bidet :) . so the plumber shouldnt of wrote that ad but hey it is cleaner and back in the olden times i doubt they had rolls of charmin. everyone washed the tush!

[tushy the bassie slayer]

and i agree with anti-kike!! alot of jew haters here... but in the end they will get whats comming to em. they belong on stormfront or on a bus with chompskins err chomsky and the naturei karta folks going to tehran.

[anti-kike]

Straightup, I apologize for the following poor writing sample I just don't have the time to respond any better at the moment:

I personally agree Yochanan. I hate it when I hear of all of the scandals perpetuated by "frum" people. I hate even more the reactions by Orthodox Jews that I speak to about such corruption. "It didn't happen" "They (the authorities) are just like nazis" "Business is business" "Everyone does it." They don't get it. You and I do.

I don't know how accurate you are Yochanan concerning your belief that you are "one of the few regulars here who is somewhat observant and goes to shul" (I fall in that category too by the way.) Assuming however that your perception is true---I always thought so myself i just can't prove it---drives home my point even harder. The posters here seemingly are secular Jews who have no particular attachment to the Jewish community. They just want to Jew bash. Secular Jews also cause damage to the image of Jews and bring forth the wrath of Hashem. (Some say G-d's love will even be stronger as observance decreases but that's for another post)

Perhaps we could perform a Kiddush Hashem if instead of only criticizing we offered solutions.

[anti-kike]

One additional comment. I don't want to be obsessive about this...BUT. The ad for the bidet does not currently appear on the company's website. Does anyone know where it came from? Their hours of operation are 24/7 which would suggest that it is not is Orthodox owned. Does that make a difference to anyone?

[Yochanan Lavie]

AK: The seculars here my friends. I may not agree with them in all things, but they are sincere and have a strong ethnic Jewish identity. IMO, a sincere, ethical secular Jew is not a chillul Hashem and certainly not a hypocrite.

As for solutions, that would be the subject of a different blog- this is a news site. I have my ideas on that subject but I'm no expert so I may be wrong. I tend to identify with maverick Modern Orthodox thinkers.

Meanwhile, intellectual honesty, ethical behavior, and freedom of conscience are not negotiable to me.

[Sarek]

YL - another good one. I hope the readers of this blog are familiar with the oldies that you and I use.

[Yochanan Lavie]

Thanks, Sarek, Danny.

[seichel]

hey there I was thinking to go through the blog and collect all those songs and put it out myself-- so you ought to do it first. But dont count on big bucks... this is the internet age. You tube isnt the answer-- the chochma is how those songs lyrics fit with the news.