"Turn Off" The Evil Eye For Only $50 – Haredi Rabbi Approved!

"Turn off" an "ayin hora," evil eye, for only $50 dollars, says an ad in a Monsey, New York Jewish paper. And its haredi rabbi-approved!

Comments

[Eli, what me messiah?]

$50?! Hello opportunity!!

Abu, we gotta reconsider our scams, err... our kosher product lines. There's more money to be had in services. No supply chain, high margins, and just our non-unionized call center in KJ. And no more awkward defective kosher zipper warranty returns...

Rebbe Shmarya, we'll cut you in, say 10 percent of net, if you'll declare haredi rabbi approval accompanies the Abu/Eli Evil Eye ($50) and Abu/Eli Evil Eye Remover ($100). yeah, yeah, technically this might be what some would consider a stretcher or boldfaced lie, but you think anyone actually checks this stuff?

[Eli, what me messiah?]

I HAVE AN EVEN BETTER IDEA!

Shmarya, forget what I said about lying. I was disingenuous. We'd sell oodles more if you just did what you always do, report the truth. A declaration from you that it's "not approved by a haredi rabbi" would be MUCH more persuasive to our potential marks, err.. consumers.

Hee hee... 15 percent of net?

[Dovid X]

I note your donation page. I'd like to donate 500 dollars..towards your circumcision costs

[Ynot]

Eli, what telephone poll is this hanging on?

[Ynot]

Oh I see, which newspaper, I want to read it?

[Eli, what me messiah?]

Ynot, for now our offer is just here in the comments section of FM. You gotta pay if you want the real thing. Unfortunately it will take us a few weeks to set up for the new service. (you have no idea how hard it is to train our call center employees on the English. we've brought in cheap tutors from New Delhi to train them on Midwestern intonation...)

In the meantime, we can take orders via the donate button on the FM page. Just tell Shmarya it's for the evil eye services and we'll square up with him later.

[Abracadabra]

ANNOUNCING The First Unofficial Failed Messiah Get Together - THIS SUNDAY, August 12th

A bunch of us commenters on Failed Messiah are getting together this Sunday, August 12th, for an evening of live, face-to-face conversation, discussions and just some good ol' shmoozing. Come and chat with some of the regulars and meet like minded people.

If you are interested in attending, send an email ASAP to either APC: ahpeechorus@gmail.com or to Abracadabra: zehtov2@yahoo.com

You MUST include in the email your Failed Messiah screenname and email address you use for posting comments. Once we verify that they match up, we will send you the time and place of our gathering which will be in the greater NY/NJ Metropolitan Area.

Trolls Be Warned: We will have a bouncer at the door who means business, as well as the 3rd Billy Goat Gruff, and trolls will not be tolerated.

The Small Print: This event is not endorsed or sponsored by Failed Messiah, and Shmarya, who regrets that he will not be able to attend, will remain in his mother's basement.

[Abu Jihad Schneerson]

Eli,I have a new and bright idea:I could walk through frum neighborhoods in a black suit and start staring at people untill they get scared of the ayn ha ra and then you show up and tell'em you have the power to ward me off for a donation by using a wooden cross with Yoshke on it(I doubt the frumma we'll have anything against it,since he resembles M.M. Schneerson).We could work in pairs and split the money we make;personally,I think I'd dress like this:

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wlE0nK8Rn0o/T0uK3SIUhoI/AAAAAAAAAbs/jWyAnH4Ne5o/s1600/toto-la-patente_t.jpg

[anuran]

Dovid X writes:
I note your donation page. I'd like to donate 500 dollars..towards your circumcision costs

Not the mohel who did yours. He threw away the wrong part.

[anuran]

Have I got a deal for you! I'll get rid of the Evil Eye for $30.

[Eli, what me messiah?]

Abu, like pre-historic hunter-gatherers?you're so brilliant, you're even more of a genius than me!
The Totò outfit is great - for a minute, I thought that was really you!
We gonna be so rich! But how come Shmarya hasn't said anything about his cut? you think he's holding out for 20%?

[Brian]

If I'm not mistaken these guys were unceremoniously booted out of London.

I asked for a Haskamah from the Rabanim who approved it.

Instead, I got a letter from some American woman waxing lyrical about how this guy had saved/changed (I forget which) her life.

IMO anyone silly enough to use a Mekubal with a Credit Card machine deserves to lose their money. Then again, here in the UK we have CC Protection - if you get scammed the CC Company will (sometimes) reimburse you. Maybe not such a bad thing after all?

[Abu Jihad Schneerson]

Brian,anyone actually believing in that collection of avodah zarah and darkhe haemori called the Zohar is capable of believing any kind of superstition and sorcery!

[Apostate]

Palm reader, Gypsy fortune teller, evil eye remover. It's all a carny business.

Cheap ads + cc processing = profit

[PeninaD]

All this evil eye, casting lead and other crap is so pagan. Over the centuries they abhored their goy neighbors, but absorbed all their crazy notions and twisted it into some crazier notions...not even original.

[Jerry]

Oh brother, another silly small town story. We are really on a roll here!

[Abu Jihad Schneerson]

Eli,let's make harav hagaon Shmarya Rosenberg shlita our wunder-rebbe!We could give out one dollar notes on his behalf at the price of 10 bucks each and we could start palmistry,fortune telling,astrology and selling his used clothes as miraculous as Catholics do with the shroud of Turin!

[ruthie]

this is not at all funny. the evil eye concept is at least as old as the yiddish language. it's a custom and it should be respected. they're making a mockery out of it. shame on them. stupid. idiots.
on second thought....credit cards accepted?
i suppose they're trying to make money.
i just feel sorry for the person that actually sees an ad and buys one.
credit cards accepted Lol

[jomadar]

ruthie-They stoped most of sec.8 so they have to make money somehow by hook or by crook.

[jancsibacsi]

Abu en vagyok jomadar.

[WoolSilkCotton, rock star and sports superstar]

NOTICE:

Invitations to the Failed Messiah Asifa are going fast. DO NOT show up at the Stadium without one.
The NYPD has been instructed to turn away anyone who is not on the Guest List. Wait behind the velvet rope.

BEWARE of scalpers. I have been informed of counterfeit tickets being sold on Lee Ave in Williamsburg.

The kosher falafel truck on 33rd St by Madison Square Garden, even though it has the best falafel in NYC (that is a known fact to everyone who works at MSG and Penn Plaza, and I have eaten one, and I agree, and the frum guy on the truck is one of the nicest people you'll ever meet) is NOT an authorized dealer. But go to him for a great lunch.

[Sarek]

They say they take credit cards, but that means they'll net only about $47.50. Will the curse remover still work if they don't net the full $50? Or will 5% of the curse still remain?

Also, they need to list all the credit cards they accept. Some cards (e.g. Diners Club) may actually contribute to the ayin hora, so they need to be specific.

/amusement off

[rebeljew]

I have seen this scam many times. First there was the $200 refrigerator. Then the $150 sofa bed, and now the $50 ayin hara removal. DO NOT BE SCAMMED!!! No legitimate kabalist will be able to remove the ayin hara for less than $250 in costs alone. Yes, folks, it is hard to believe that others landsmen would try so blatantly to slough off a cheap product of inferior quality as if it were genuine.

However, because of our volume, we are able to offer this amazing ayin hara removal for just $225. Again, this is not the cheap imitation but the real thing, endorsed by celebrity Haredi rabanim from Lakewood to Jerusalem. You don't to pay for cheap ayin hara removal only to have your ayin hara back in a few days do you. Invest in Rebel's Ayin Hara Removal. Absolutely guaranteed that your ayin hara will come off and stay off.

[Office of the Chief Rabbi]

We are pleased to announce that the OFFICE of the CHIEF RABBI will be issuing te'udot (certification) to properly credentialed evil-eye removers.

To receive your suitable-for-framing certificate, send your FREE-WILL contribution to Shmarya, then scan and e-mail your receipt to OfficeOfTheChiefRabbi@nycap.rr.com .

FAILED MESSIAH KINNUS SPECIAL - include your receipt from Sunday's asifa to receive a special link to purchase Evil Eye removing jewelry. Guaranteed to placate your wife or girlfriend.

[Eli, what me messiah?]

Posted by: Office of the Chief Rabbi | August 10, 2012 at 08:56 AM

Abu, we've been brilliantly out-scammed. Chief is selling a credentialling service.

Oh well.... back to the kosher zippers. Next guy who comes in, you gotta fix, though. I'm starting to think they're getting it stuck there on purpose.

[Bassy the Haredi Slayer]

Evil eye removal is not a haredi thing,although haredis and BTs are very gulliable about it. There are other way to remove evil eye:

http://astronlogia.com/2010/08/08/evil-eye-remedies/

Evil Eye Removal

What is Evil Eye?
Evil Eye is an envious look directed at a person that can result in misfortune, disease or severe injuries. Evil eye is not a superstitious belief rather its a scientific fact which works on the principle of thought waves. When a person direct his negative thought waves on other person, the forthcoming life events of the victim is delayed or denied. The power of human thought is so immense, as it can break or make a society.
Symptom 1: A particular member in the family suffers from chronic illness? The reason could be very well due to evil eye of neighbors or relatives.
Remedy: Take sea water in a bottle or can and distill the water using a white cloth. After distillation, take the distilled water and mix a small proportion of komiyam (cow’s urine). Store it in a bottle and spread the water inside every rooms of the house during Tuesday, Friday, Full moon day and new moon day. This remedy will burn the evil eye and its resulting illness.
Symptom 2: Frequent illness and loss of appetite for livestock’s.
Remedy: Do you know evil eye can also affect domestic animals? yes, evil eye can cause illness and loss of appetite for cows, dogs, lambs and other livestock’s. One of the way to remove this evil eye is by bathing the affected livestock’s using turmeric powder mixed in water.
Symptom 3: Is your business running a bad patch, not getting the deserved success in business? Then it might be due to the evil eye of your business competitors.
Remedy: To ward off evil eye by business competitors or neighbors, place lemon in a glass full of water. Make sure the glass is a white transparent one. Keep the glass in a place which is very visible to people who visit your place. Also, change the water every day. On every Saturday, remove the lemon and replace it with new one. By doing this, you can ward off evil eye that affects your business or profession.
Symptom 4: Is valuable things in your house getting lost or broken quite often? It may be due to evil eye of person who are envious of luxurious items in the house.
Remedy: To remove such evil, keep colorful beads or stones in a white bowl or jar.
Symptom5: Evil Eye can affect babies, which can produce sudden illness to babies. This is a common sign after some one has visited your house to see your new born baby.
Remedy: Take a pinch of salt in your hand, close your palm that has salt and move your palm around babies head three times clock wise and anti clock wise, and dissolve the salt in your palm with water. All the evil eye on baby gets dissolved like salt.
Symptom 6: Is your children suffering from constant stomach ache? It can also be due to evil eye.
Remedy: Take a small amount of sand from street corner, and mix it with mustard. Gently apply the mix on your children stomach. After applying the mix, take it and put in fire. This will burn the evil eye effects on your children.
Symptom 7: Misfortunes, Bad luck, loss of fortune and jobless situation. These are some of the common evil eye effects.
Remedy: One of the common and well known method to remove evil eye is by keeping an aquarium in the house. Aquarium should be kept in the Hall of the house, and should be placed in the south side of the Hall.
Symptom 8: Evil eye can easily affect pregnant ladies when they go out of the house, and such envious thoughts can affect the health of pregnant women.
Remedy: While going out, take a two to three neem tree leaves and keep it with you. After returning to home, burn the neem tree leaves, thus burning the evil eye that was cast on you.
Symptom 9: Are you a public speaker ? and are you suffering constant throat problems? then this might be due to evil eye.
Remedy: Take a twig of Peepal tree (ficus religiosa) and tie it in front of your house. Take one more twig, break into three pieces and keep in your pocket. This will keep the evil eye at bay.
Symptom 10: There are evil eyes, which can cause problems between husband and wife, obstacles in studies, and frequent quarrels.
For such problems, Dry roast alum, red chilly, green chilly, large sea shell, and lemon are the common elements used to remove evil eye in a house or a person.

[Gevezener Chusid]

It's ok - the Monseyites will figure out a way to pay for it with food stamps.

[Gevezener Chusid]

These guys better be careful, or Macbeth's witches will get them:

Round about the cauldron go;
In the poison'd entrails throw.
Toad, that under cold stone
Days and nights has thirty-one
Swelter'd venom sleeping got,
Boil thou first i' the charmed pot.

Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.

Fillet of a fenny snake,
In the cauldron boil and bake;
Eye of newt and toe of frog,
Wool of bat and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg and owlet's wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.

Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn and cauldron bubble.

Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf,
Witches' mummy, maw and gulf
Of the ravin'd salt-sea shark,
Root of hemlock digg'd i' the dark,
LIVER OF BLASPHEMING JEW
Gall of goat, and slips of yew
Silver'd in the moon's eclipse,
Nose of Turk and Tartar's lips,
Finger of birth-strangled babe
Ditch-deliver'd by a drab,
Make the gruel thick and slab:
Add thereto a tiger's chaudron,
For the ingredients of our cauldron.

Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn and cauldron bubble.

Cool it with a baboon's blood,
Then the charm is firm and good.

[Brian]

Brian,anyone actually believing in that collection of avodah zarah and darkhe haemori called the Zohar is capable of believing any kind of superstition and sorcery!

Posted by: Abu Jihad Schneerson | August 10, 2012 at 06:03 AM

WTH???
Please elaborate, with quotes. I have literally no idea what you are referring to.

[Reb Chaim]

As the immortal Texas Guinan used to say: "There's a sucker born every minute." Aber vie sagt men dos auf Yiddish?

[seymour]

if they take credit cards it will not work since most credit card transaction get processed via the internet which is assur

[maven]

Reb Chaim: the answer is: "trust me"

[Bas Melech]

Maybe somebody should buy Shmarya a gift certificate. Then he'll be able to afford to move out of his mom's basement, afford a personal trainer, lose weight, and not receive any more death threats.

[Reb Chaim]

Whoops, my mistake. It wasn't Texas Guinan or P.T. Barnum. It was David Hannum who said "There's a sucker born every minute". None of these three was Jewish, but that doesn't matter. When it comes to naronim, we have no shortage.

[Shragi Getzel]

Only the most important information was printed in English so that there would be no mistakes.

[dh]

You're all wrong. The real money is in selling authentic miniature and, of course, empty, Rebbe chairs. They sell for $39.99 and you get a dollar back.

[jancsibacsi]

Reb Chaim-I agree with you when it come to narunim there are no shortages,but i think its a rather self imposed narishe thing people are in contest with each other who can be a bigger fool its a macho think with hassidim,the tragedy is that they fool themselfs themost.

[Abu Jihad Schneerson]

jancsibacsi,I guessed jomadar was you!
Brian,what I am saying is that kabalah is a 12th century forgery and a book of magic(which is forbidden in the Torah with no link to pure monotheism whatsoever).What is that you don't get?

[Abu Jihad Schneerson]

Have a look at Sefer Raziel hamalakh if you don't believe me.You'll not believe what you are reading!!!

[Joshua]

You should do more research.
This works, if you believe the evil eye can't affect you, you can't be.

[David]

What do they do with all the removed evil Ayin Hora energy - it can't just disappear. Will it be stored in something like the Ghost Busters Ghost Containment Unit? And wjhat happens to it once it fills up?
http://ghostbusters.wikia.com/wiki/Containment_Unit

[Radical Feminist]

Yes it is approved by several Rabbis; I know because I personally know women doing this in the Mea Shereme neighborhood. When I was a frumie I had this done about 3 times (though back than it only cost around 30 dollars). When I was in Israel 12 years ago the procedure was still going on in the Mea Shereme neighborhood; where a Rabbi's wife offered the service (but never to gentiles). I was traveling with a friend of mine, who is not Jewish, and she was not allowed to get the evil eye removed. No joke.

[Abu Jihad Schneerson]

Radical Feminist,sometimes I immagine the scene of Moshe rabbenu having to deal with women/men like these in his times:I am quite sure,he would have gone to ask Hashem what to do,and would have come back with the answer:"Tell the children of Israel that they shall not practice ANY kind of sorcery;if they do,execute the putz guilty of this crime on the spot!"

[Apostate]

Does the evil eye wear those fuzzy glasses?

[Abracadabra]

LAST CALL for anyone still interested in joining:

The First Unofficial Failed Messiah Get Together - TODAY - SUNDAY, August 12th

A bunch of us commenters on Failed Messiah are getting together today, Sunday, August 12th, for an evening of live, face-to-face conversation, discussions and just some good ol' shmoozing. Come and chat with some of the regulars and meet like minded people.

If you are interested in attending, send an email ASAP to either APC: ahpeechorus@gmail.com or to Abracadabra: zehtov2@yahoo.com

You MUST include in the email your Failed Messiah screenname and email address you use for posting comments. Once we verify that they match up, we will send you the time and place of our gathering which will be in the greater NY/NJ Metropolitan Area.

Trolls Be Warned: We will have a bouncer at the door who means business, as well as the 3rd Billy Goat Gruff, and trolls will not be tolerated.

The Small Print: This event is not endorsed or sponsored by Failed Messiah, and Shmarya, who regrets that he will not be able to attend, will remain in his mother's basement.

[Sue]

http://failedmessiah.typepad.com/failed_messiahcom/2011/11/evil-eye-removal-50-credit-cards-accepted-234.html

$50 seems to be the standard rate for evil eye removers.

[Reb Chaim]

Actually this service is not as kooky as it appears to be on the surface. After all, an ayin hora is something you imagine is plaguing you - it is a self-made phenomenon which you yourself have constructed and planted in your own mind. So if you believe that, all you have to do to get rid of it is to donate $50 to this service and so that in your mind, it will be money well spent.

Of course, for the other side of this picture, it's an easy way to make 50 bucks while essentially not really doing anything.