Evil Eye Removal $50, Credit Cards Accepted

Just in time for Black Friday and Cyber Monday, haredim can now get a deal on evil eye removal. Do you think the machashayfa next door is hexing you? You're a phone call away from removing her curse. A mere $50 will do it. And your kabbalist savior even takes credit cards.

[Hat Tip: 613 Enforcer.]

Comments

[Proton Soup]

didn't people used to get stoned for practicing magic?

[Yissy-CA]

Taliban. Witchcraft.

[Steven]

I am trying to come up with a witty quip because the only words in English are: "Credit Cards Accepted" but I am laughing too har[e]d[im].

[under duress]

This is why there's an internet ban. They don't want frum yidden to know that it can be photoshopped out in a jiffy.

[Fleishike Kishke]

What else can I do to remove the evil eye? Buy a Kabbalah Center string? Fax Rabbi Schneerson's grave? I no longer own a fax machine.

[baba]

like BABA ABUCHATZIRA......

[western jew]

If you think that you are being followed by an evil edict, give to charity. Don't let someone steal from you. Charity is rewarded.

[Abracadabra]

Hey - I'll remove your Evil Eye for $40. Cash, Paypal AND Credit Cards Accepted.

That's a 20% Discount over the competition! Hu-rry Hu-rry Hu-rry! This is a limited time offer that will not last long!! Grab the opportunity while you can!

Remember, for $40 you get ALL Ayin Haras (Evil Eyes) removed.

But wait - there's more! We will also throw in an extra Ginzu II knife. Oh, scratch that, wrong advertisement.

So Come On Folks! Get your Discounted Ayin Hara Removal Price of just $40 before it's too late!

[Barry]

This Rabbi is ineffective. The Evil Eye has struck the printers of his notice in two ways.

Firstly, mention is made of an approbation from the late Rosh of Yeshivas Sha'ar HaShamayim Rabbi Ephraim Fishel Eisenbach. Everyone knows that Rabbi Eisenbach's Christian name was Yechiel not Ephraim.

Secondly, the Rabbi's fee is $500. The Evil Eye knocked off the last zero from his fee.

[Ish Boshet Schneerson]

I have always thought in my naivety and foolishness,that one has to seek ONLY Ha Shem's help and not that of any human(even if the term 'human' is too much for haredim....)

[Office of the Chief Rabbi]

Will my health insurance cover this?

[BeenThereDoneThat]

Anything to to with swinging a chicken around my head?

What's new?

[BeenThereDoneThat]

Point is, once you start with the strange practices, where does it end?

[Anon]

I want you all to stop making fun of this. Last week I had an evil eye removed. This week, I'm 20/20 in both eyes.

[p]

Do the accept PayPal?

[Steven]

It's really not right. Theres a 2% surchage for Amex.

[Dusiznies.blogspot.com]

there is actually a kiruv organization practicing witch craft
www.quebecjewishnews.blogspot.com

[jancsipista.]

before my evil eye removal i used to be indecisive but after removal i was not so sure anymore get the joke? i used to be indecisive now im not so sure:)

[FirstGenerationBavarianAmerican]

After just getting through reading a chain email with a photo of three guys with moose masks on in a car and one guy spread-eagled on the roof with a bogus caption for the photo, I have to ask if this flyer was printed as a prank, or if they are really looking to fleece people.

[Junarchist]

g-d damn it, why could it not have been me who thought of this scam. I bet this dude is raking it in.

[seymour]

the only think I can say for people who believe this and feel that they have been given an evil eye it can help physiologically

[Yissy-CA]

Posted by: Office of the Chief Rabbi | November 29, 2011 at 05:30 AM

Haha.

[Gevezener Chusid]

reminds me of Johann Tetzel's sales pitch selling Indulgences in the 15th Century to help the Archbishop of Mainz pay off the debts he incurred in bribing the right people so he could become Archbishop.

"wenn die Münze im Kästlein klingt,
die Seele in den Himmel springt."

When the coin in coffer rings
The soul straight into heaven springs

Too bad Tetzel didn't take credit cards.

[jack me off]

I just paid and spoke to a big busty blond worth every penny!!!!

[rebeljew]

I laughed so hard I hurt my back. So I had go to the guy who sticks needles in your arm to increase the flow of qi. He then told me to take a pill that was really only water and sugar base, but which has something (that doesn't cure back pain, but does cause pain in healthy people) dissolved 1 in 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 parts .

Witchcraft is so silly, you could hurt yourself for real.

[meyer]

look at 5town news, there is arebbetzin [sic] from EY doing the same using the "molten lead" technique

[Yochanan Lavie]

Apologies to Van Morrison (Brown eyed girl):

Hey, where did we go
Days when deranged came?
Down in the yeshiva
Playing a shell game,
Laughing and a-ruining, oy, oy,
Scamming and a-judging
In the mystical brain fog with
Our, our chests a-thumping
And you, my evil eye guru,
You, my evil eye guru.

Whatever happened
On Shabbos it's so slow
Going down to shul with a
chumra new low.
Standing in the sunlight praying
Hide behind the Western wall,
Schuckling and davening
All along creation's fall
With you, my evil eye guru,
You, my evil eye guru.

Do you remember when we used to ask a
Shay la la la la la la la la la la dee dah
Just like that
Shay la la la la la la la la la la dee dah
La dee dah.

So hard to find my way
Now that I'm all on my own.
I saw your ad the other day,
My, your business has grown!
Cash or credit cards, L-rd,
Sometimes I'm overcome paying for it
Making amulets is a gas
Behind the Soton's back
With you, my evil eye guru,
You, my evil eye guru.

Do you remember when we used to ask a
Shay la la la la la la la la la la dee dah
Laying in the green grass
Shay la la la la la la la la la la dee dah, etc. to fadeout.

[ah-pee-chorus]

great comments and great parody YL .

Days when deranged came?

brilliant!!

[Yochanan Lavie]

Thanks, APC. Yur support is appreciated.

[..]

Can someone please translate the poster?
Thanks

[Shlomo1]

I've also seen adverts in chareidi papers by other mekubalim saying that for a fee of course you can visit a prestigious Rabbi who will read your palm and advise you how to increase your luck (or Mazal). I am not kidding and their were printed many approbations from other famous Rabbis and that this skill has been passed thru generations
I am certain that both these cases violates explicit lavim D'Oreiasa (forbidden acts explicitly written on the Bible). Obviuosly not as bad as sitting next to a woman in a bus

[rebitzman]

Silly, but harmless.

[Guest]

Excuse my ignorance; Does a psychis do the same thing? Mind reader? Palm reader?

I once got a call from a psychic from LA who told me that she will look into a special candle and tell me my future. I just needed to pay for the candle ($80 and up, depending on type of candle).

She was Asian.

[Adam Neira]

Where do I sign up ?

I am a sucker for these online deals. It all started when I sent off the coupon from a comic book for Sea Monkeys as an 8 y.o. I progressed to toy soldiers, tank models, balsa wood planes, Mad Magazine subscriptions and many years later, when truly addicted I signed up online for the "2002 Double Combo Spiritual Deal - The Scientology/Kabbalah Course for Enlightened Consciousness from the University of Esalen." For $900 per month all I got was : A very large envelope to contain the heading; A wall size L.Ron Hubbard/Madonna montage poster; Seven magical red pieces of string (one for each day of the week); An "Auditing Machine"; Lot's of junk mail and harassing telemarketing phone calls at dinner time from a girl called Trixie trying to up sell me because I stupidly gave them my phone number.

I am seeking help for my problems. I wish FM would not post such juicy offers.

P.S. My neighbour has an evil eye, so this will be a good Hannukah/Christmas present to lob over the fence.

[Adam Neira]

To Yochanan Lavie,

Excellent !

[Yochanan Lavie]

Thanks, Adam. Good parody post from you, as well.

[Abracadabra]

Yochanan - Great!!

[Yochanan Lavie]

Thanks, Abra.

[Adam Neira]

To Yochanan Lavie,

Unfortunately it is not parody. Why just yesterday I couldn't help myself and went a little crazy. Bought the whole Bert Humperdinkle Box Set, the Readers Digest “Great Stamps of Upper Volta” Series and a “Magik Attraction Stick” from the Wild Wiccans of Wandsworth. Thank you for your concern.

"In emptio speramus"