Meeting The Mental Health Needs Of The Ultra-Orthodox, One Non-Kosher Toy Animal At A Time

"The kids are frightened of dogs, bees, wasps, anything that's not kosher. So we give them plastic lions and tigers. I say to parents, 'It's plastic, you don't have to eat it.' Challenging is very important. It might have four legs and fur but HaShem created it. We challenge social norms but not beliefs." 

 

An unorthodox way to talk it over
How do you persuade an ultra-insular community to speak out?
Jessica Elgot • The Independent

In the world beyond the kosher bakeries and Yiddish supermarkets of Stamford Hill in Hackney, London, a blue hat isn't a great cause for concern. But in this strictly Orthodox Jewish community where friends wear black or brown hats, agonising over a blue one can be enough to drive someone to seek help.

That's the tip of the iceberg, says José Martin – founder of Talking Matters, a unique counselling centre for the Stamford Hill community. Other widespread concerns include reductions in housing benefit and funding a private, religious education for between six and 10 children.

Ms Martin says: "One lady was really troubled by whether she could wear a blue hat. That to most people would be a non-issue but in this community it can be huge."

And it can have major consequences, Ms Martin explains. "There are arranged marriages, shidduchim. If little Moishe starts acting differently, people start saying, 'Don't marry into his family.' The pressures to conform here are double anywhere else."

Talking Matters, based on the top floor of Stamford Hill's library, was set up in 2001 to help people to face their fears of doing anything outside the norm. Although no real figures exist, the impoverished, secretive community is thought to be 20,000-strong with 50 synagogues in two square miles.

Many of the clients, especially children, are still unable to vocalise their issues. Therapies now include art, acupuncture, reflexology, reiki, shiatsu and music.

The centre aims to deal with anxiety before clients have breakdowns. Ms Martin says problems go back decades. "We have Holocaust survivors who didn't talk and, now three generations down the line, people have learnt certain behaviour."

Ms Martin, previously Hackney Council's Orthodox liaison officer, realised no help existed for this community. "Everyone was too scared to set something like this up because people would say, 'What's wrong with them or their family?' I don't have those issues."

Now the organisation helps 1,500 people a year, including children.

"Ninety-nine per cent of our counsellors are Orthodox Jews, but our dance therapist is Eastern European, our shiatsu therapist is Lebanese Muslim. I think we are the only Orthodox Jewish group around which is that integrated."

Tova Charazi, the group's previous female outreach worker, said the group commands a unique trust. "Here we understand the faith issues but because we are not really ultra-Orthodox, they trust us. They can talk to us and not everyone else will find out."

Humanistic counsellor Ronen Naor says most of the problems he encounters have never been voiced before. "There's a lot of conditioning in this community. And then they grow up and start to have doubts."

Phobias can be a major issue. "The kids are frightened of dogs, bees, wasps, anything that's not kosher. So we give them plastic lions and tigers. I say to parents, 'It's plastic, you don't have to eat it.' Challenging is very important. It might have four legs and fur but HaShem created it. We challenge social norms but not beliefs."

Ms Martin was originally advised she would be lucky to get a 10 per cent quota of male clients. But now, 67 per cent are men. "The reason is, girls bake challahs together and then they talk," Ms Martin says.

"For men, if you're not learning Talmud well enough, or if you've got bills to pay, there's no one to confide in. Your wife, the rabbi, they all have expectations."

But the organisation has funding concerns of its own. Funded by the local Primary Care Trust, operations in north-west London must shut down, after a grant was pulled. Ms Martin says: "We spent three years building it up and we were just starting to get GP referrals.

"Fundraising is a non-starter. People here don't donate money for counselling. We've tried it twice and got nowhere fast.

"The Government want groups like ours to start charging for their services, but for six years, we've been charging £5 per person per hour. It's going up to £7.50 next April and even then it doesn't cover the loss we will make.

"But I have emunah, I have faith. We keep having great successes. If you work hard, God will make sure it happens."

About The Wyn Harness Prize

The Wyn Harness Prize for Young Journalists was established in November 2008 in memory of The Independent's former assistant editor Wyngate Harness, who died from an inoperable brain tumour in 2007.

Jessica Elgot, 24, was awarded the 2011 Wyn Harness prize for this piece. The judges said her piece "treated a serious subject in an entertaining way, without losing sight of the underlying issues".

Jessica is a reporter for The Jewish Chronicle, and a graduate of the Cardiff School of Journalism and the University of Nottingham. She says: "I've always been fascinated by the strictly Orthodox Jewish community in Stamford Hill, a community which even mainstream Jews have little insight into. I first encountered Talking Matters writing a piece on an award they won from Hackney Council, and was struck by this tiny little charity who are dealing with these issues of repression in many families, which can date back to the Holocaust. It's tragic that it's these smaller, specialist charities whose tiny budgets are being slashed to ribbons by local authority cuts, who now have no option than to charge their struggling clients more money."

Comments

[David]

Phobias can be a major issue. "The kids are frightened of dogs, bees, wasps, anything that's not kosher. So we give them plastic lions and tigers. I say to parents, 'It's plastic, you don't have to eat it.' Challenging is very important. It might have four legs and fur but HaShem created it. We challenge social norms but not beliefs."

So the Charedim have promoted another lie - that Halacha prohibits the representation of non-Kosher animals. Jews MUST stand up and take a stand against these imposters that are corrupting our religion. We must not be afraid to stand up and say NO! this is not Judaism. These people are not authentic Jews and bring shame upon us all.

I have personally seen Charedi kids that are terrified of dogs. Are their parents such morons that they don't understand that showing fear in front of animals is a sure way to get you attacked?

[David]

Strange that they are afraid of bees - a non-kosher animal that produces a "kosher" product. Too bad that the rabbis of old thought the bees only "collected" the honey and did not realize that they actually processed it with their own enzymes to produce the final product.

[yidandahalf]

These people are a mass of dysfunction and eventual self-destruction. I say let them go about it like there's no tomorrow. Eventually natural selection will have its way and they will cease to exist in any numbers that affect the rest of society.

[PulpitRabbi]

I don't know whether my kids qualify as Charedi (as an FM reader, I probably fail that qualification on the spot ;-)), but they love dogs, and my much more definitely Charedi neighbors have cats (and want us to have some from the latest litter). It really depends from neighborhood to neighborhood and subgroup to subgroup. Stamford Hill is very Chassidic, and there are indeed a lot more anti pet and pro conformity attitudes among certain Chassidim.

[seymour]

That's the tip of the iceberg, says José Martin – founder of Talking Matters, a unique counselling centre for the Stamford Hill community. Other widespread concerns include reductions in housing benefit and funding a private, religious education for between six and 10 children.

have less kids

why no funding for this do they want everything for free or are the powers to be afraid of there power hold on people

[seymour]

I have personally seen Charedi kids that are terrified of dogs. Are their parents such morons that they don't understand that showing fear in front of animals is a sure way to get you attacked?

Posted by: David | May 11, 2011 at 06:08 AM

I have dogs and when I visited my parents in Boro Park and walked my dog it was amazing how the sidewalk parted from people. most where terrified of the dogs.

However I solved the problem my teaching my dog to give paw when one says geit Shabbos the kids thought it was funny and now play with the dogs and even gave them shemura matzohs

[jay]

You let them feed your dogs shumra matzah? Those poor dogs :-P

[WoolSilkCotton]

A frum dog will only eat shmura matzah, and not the machine made.

[jay]

I'd hate to be the groomer who had to disimpact that dog the next day.

[seymour]

my dogs loved it

[Jeff]

I really don't think there's any saving these people, however noble their intentions. You can help the few who have the courage to leave; for the rest, it can never be more than band-aid therapy.

However I solved the problem my teaching my dog to give paw when one says geit Shabbos the kids thought it was funny and now play with the dogs and even gave them shemura matzohs

That's a great idea.

[Alter Kocker]

I tried to give my cat some matzo. The cat batted it away. Intelligent creature!

[Lamed Vovnik]

How can the therapists identify mental problems in a community where being delusional is the norm?

[yidandahalf]

I put the leftover matzah out for the squirrels and birds. It is a trip to watch a squirrel get hold of an entire one and make off with it. I used to break them up first but when I saw the lengths the squirrels and jackdaws would go to, I left them whole.
I left off supplying matzoh brei when everyone got constipated.

[seymour]

what was funny the kids really liked the dogs

one kid named his teddy bears after my dogs

and this little baby who barely spoke could say my dogs names.

One time when I was walking and an elder chussud calls to me and my talks. I was thinking he will complain to me. Just the opposite he says he loves dogs and does not know why people do not have dogs since in the alter heim people did have dogs and it was no big deal

[WoolSilkCotton]

++in the alter heim people did have dogs and it was no big deal ++

My father (OBM) used to say the same thing.

[justayid]

I think the fear of dogs thing is a broader cultural thing among east european jews - maybe not all (i have also heard that some had them in europe, but still). My wife attributes it to the use of dogs by eastern european police, antisemites, etc. By the same toke, I know "americanized" modern O who keep dogs, and of course in the Cons/reform world they are as annoying about the wonders of fido as the gentiles are ;)

The idea that treyf animals are bad OTHER than for food is of course silly. YU needs to start a football team to show that.

[corn popper]

However I solved the problem my teaching my dog to give paw when one says geit Shabbos the kids thought it was funny and now play with the dogs and even gave them shemura matzohs

Posted by: seymour | May 11, 2011 at 07:08 AM

Invite them to the BARK mitzvah - they might shower you with some decent gifts.

[yidandahalf]

Yes, in the alter heim people had dogs but that was before they got to experience the Nazi dogs up close and personal. Much hatred of dogs stems from this.

[esther]

"So the Charedim have promoted another lie - that Halacha prohibits the representation of non-Kosher animals."

not only charedim... some chabad families follow this rule as well. i had to take back 2 presents i had given to friends of mine... a stuffed lion and a giraffe... because these friends said "our children is only allowed to play with kosher toys"

insane.

curious thing is that this "law" did not come from the rebbe. they do not know who invented it, but that's what they're gonna keep.

[jay]

There have been incidents where Rabbis banned representations of traif animals for their community. No more teddy bears, for example. I

[Gevezener Chusid]

This might explain why someone who lived through it was afraid of Alsatians and Dobermans, but doesn't work for their great-grandchildren having problems with chihuahuas.

That is the excuse I have heard - all of the dysfunction, from ultra haredism to ethical dishonesty to rabidly belligerent Zionism, that Jews engage in today is blamed on the Nazis. I doubt that even the nazis had very fierce chihuahuas and shih-tzus.

(On a personal note, I can't stand the snippy little dogs and would much prefer to interact with a St Bernard or a Golden Retriever.)

[seymour]

There have been incidents where Rabbis banned representations of traif animals for their community. No more teddy bears, for example. I

Posted by: jay | May 11, 2011 at 10:18 AM

my friends wife who applied as a teacher in chabad school was told bluntly no discussion about any animal that is not kosher cannot even mention it

[seymour]

the frum really are idiots wasn't Moshe
a sheperd. what do shepherd have DOGS.

in addition there are many rishonem who says if a dog is a pet it is NOT mukzha but who ever said that the ultra Orthodox have any clue about halacha

[yidandahalf]

Of course GC, you are correct on this point. On an aside note, has anyone noticed how HUGE they are breeding Dobermans and even Great Danes these days? Today's Dobermans are the size of yesterdays Danes.

[Teddy]

Esther, but giraffes ARE kosher...

In the concentration camp Westerbork the Jewish dogs were murdered, because one of them had had the guts to fight the Nazi dog of the camp commander. 'nuff said.

[jay]

Many members of my family survived the Holocaust. A number of them have been enthusiastic dog lovers and owners. The idea that there's a generational trauma related to Nazi dogs sounds absolutely ludicrous.

[effie]

I like dogs. Therefore, I prefer that the hasidic stay away from them.

[masortiman]

so can we say something positive about this program, instead of getting hung up on dogs?

[David]

How can the therapists identify mental problems in a community where being delusional is the norm?

Posted by: Lamed Vovnik | May 11, 2011 at 08:59 AM

The ones with the mental problems are the ones without the delusions.

[David]

i had to take back 2 presents i had given to friends of mine... a stuffed lion and a giraffe... because these friends said "our children is only allowed to play with kosher toys"

Strange that they claim to be so observant of Halacha and don't even know that giraffes are in fact kosher. And even though they are endangered (more so than people think because even though they all look the same, genetic testing has now proven there are a number of genetically distinct subspecies) I am confident that the average black hat would be prepared to eat the very last one of them if there were a market for giraffe meat and it was practical to shect them.

[Gefilte Fish]

If Lubavitch can pray to the Rebbe, I can give a teddy bear to a Jewish child.

[BBF]

You could have pointed out that Shules often have depictions of lions on the Aron Kodesh as well as on Torah Mantlen (Torah Scroll Covers). Jewish names such as Dov (bear),Zev (wolf) and Ari (lion again) are also common. Perhaps your friend does not allow her children to play with anyone so named and of course to go to Shule!

[David]

If Lubavitch can pray to the Rebbe,

What, is there anyone else to pray to?

[Adam Neira]

This article wins the gold medal for "Most Unusual Media Headline 2011"

The silver medal went to "Elvis seen with Bin Laden watching the monster surface at Loch Ness".

[Crystal Boyle]

Plastics are very dangerous to the health of everybody especially to the kids'. We should, as parents, be more careful with this news.