« Satmar Rabbi Wearing Police Badge Is Not A Cop | Main | Parents Protest Barrier Between Secular And Haredi Kindergartens »

March 06, 2011

Comments

Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

Gevezener Chusid

despite the snarky title of this article, it is a GOOD thing that people within the religious community will be able to get help within the parameters that they feel comfortable dealing with.

And PLEASE don't start with the "so the rabbis can molest kids" shit.

jancsipista

chusid shoite- this wont make a difference fo those who molest

Jeff

The course, called "Advice on sanctity in marital life"... will train marital counselors and rabbis. It grants its students a "sexual counselor" certificate.

Oh, yes - this has success written all over it.

There are things which are permitted according to Halacha, but in different communities they are forbidden

This is pretty much all one needs to know about Haredism.

All this sort of thing does is to validate their lifestyle - "There's nothing wrong with the way you conduct your lives or indoctrinate your children; we're just going to teach you how to make it more enjoyable."

WoolSilkCotton

Legitimate marriage counselors in the real world need years of training.

"...and send them to a therapist who usually wasn't religious..."

So how about letting people go to college and get a degree in psychology, so they can become a legitimate psychologist to serve the religious community?

Oh yeah, going to college means taking Biology 101. You might also see teachers in sleeveless blouses.

Nigritude Ultramarine

Yay! Now there are three options for frum people who need this type of help.


Kosher Sex (Shmuley Boteach)
Kommandanten (Gerrer Hasidim)
Advice on Sanctity in Marital Life (Puah Institute)

Well, this really "ices" the romance cake for me.

Bring me my breeding pants!I have a biological imperative to uphold.

Radical Feminst

I read "Kosher Sex", and frankly got grossed out. These men should get tips from feminist erotic writers like Erica Jong and Anais Nin (just a suggestion).

Devorah

First rule: Shower more than once a week.

David

I know of several cases where the rabbis have knowingly married off homosexual men and have not told the future wives thinking that they would be cured of their condition through marriage. Needless to say, the result was ruined lives. I expect these counselors will give more of the same advise.

Yoel Mechanic

>I know of several cases where the rabbis have knowingly married off homosexual men and have not told the future wives thinking that they would be cured of their condition through marriage. Needless to say, the result was ruined lives.
-----------------------------------
This is a really excellent point David.
The way to handle this is to ask the Rabbi,
"Would you do this to your own daughter". Then watch what he says! Now, if there was any evidence at all that this methods works we could have a conversation about it, and have Rabbis and therapists attend a conference to compare research studies. But this is the real issue: a know it all kind of attitude leading to advice dispensed without any concern for evidence. that is the heart of the matter. One should not make fun of a Rabbi because a mistake is make; rather lets examine *why* the mistakes were made.
Maybe then some progress can be made.

> I expect these counselors will give more of the same advise.

It would be interesting to actually know what their training will be concerning these situations.

Yoel Mechanic

>get a degree in psychology, so they can become a legitimate psychologist to serve the religious community?

Very good idea; and it can be done w/o sleevless blouses: students ought to have some say about a comfortable environment (and there are schools that can accommodate that)

Now, I've seen mistakes of a major sort made by PhD therapists and counselors too. But here I would like to know if their training (and clinical internships?) are adequate. Also, professional therapists are sensitive to the cultural needs of their client. Sometimes the hareidi patient might be more comfortable with a neutral non-Jewish health care professional.

Finally, I would be very disappointed in a Torah hashkafah that could not handle Bio 101..... or Calc 102 ....or Celestial Mechanics 103 ... etc. I hope you get my drift.

A. Nuran

Half an hour reading Susie Bright or Nina Hartely would do more for these couple than weeks petitioning the rabbis for advice.

Adam Neira

Sex between a loving heterosexual married couple is not rocket science. There has to be some precursors to make the chemistry work. Here is the timeline of a happy marriage...(This applies to both partners)

(1) Alive and Kicking
(2) Out and About
(3) First Sight
(4) First Words
(5) Physical Attraction
(6) Flirting
(7) Trust Building
(8) Courtship
(9) Boundary Testing
(10) Proposal
(11) Engagement
(12) Marriage
(13) Conception

The key to a happy step twelve stage are the first eight stages. Many marriages are rushed affairs because people get married because their parents force them to or they feel they have no other option. Mania in the realm of love is not healthy.

BTW, passion is not mania.

A E ANDERSON | Christchurch, New Zealand

What problems? Just bring 'em a yeshiva boy and they can have a happy threesome in the mikvah!

Nigritude Ultramarine

First rule: Shower more than once a week

Whether you need to or not.

Adam Neira

BTW, it doesn't matter if the first meeting was a set up via a shidduch or things were spontanaeously sparked after a "chance" encounter. The main thing is that there must be a "zing" between the man and woman. Love of another can change the universe.

Radical Feminst

This is so naive. I have so many friends that rushed into marriage after a few months at yeshiva only to get the "spark", with the guy next door who is married with 7 kids. Seen it more times than I can recall. one of my friends actually did run off with him--they are both secular now.

Yoel Mechanic

>I have so many friends that rushed

male or female friends?

so many = how many?

Dave

Thanks for this excellent article it was very informative

Radical Feminist

YM Uh that would be a women's yeshiva. They ran off with men or didn't but wish they had. They married young got trapped the kids came and than they got stuck in a marriage to a stranger. They fell for the guy next door...Though I do know one former Neve woman who left her husband of ten years took the 5 kids and moved in with her female lover to Tel Aviv...They became modern hippie Chasidic tradition/lesbian couple..whatever works.

Yoel Mechanic

RF: sad news. not sure what your point is, but sad news. But I hope it all works out for them.

Michelle

B"H

RF--Maybe there is a reason the guy with 7 kids gets the spark going! (Maybe he should be in charge of the marriage therapy!)

:)

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Working...
Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been posted. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.

Working...

Post a comment

Your Information

(Name and email address are required. Email address will not be displayed with the comment.)

Search this site with Google:

Comment Rules

  1. No anonymous comments.
  2. Use only one name or alias and stick with that.
  3. Do not use anyone else's name or alias.
  4. Do not sockpuppet.
  5. Try to argue using facts and logic.
  6. Do not lie.
  7. No name-calling, please.
  8. Do not post entire articles or long article excerpts.
***Violation of these rules may lead to the violator's comments being edited or his future comments being banned.***
6a00d83451b71f69e201b8d1656462970c-250wi

FailedMessiah.com in the Media