Haredi Parents Force 13-Year-Old Daughter To Marry As "Penance" For Flirting

A rabbi in the West Bank haredi town of Modi'in convinced the girl's parents that a kabbalistic text prescribed matrimony to atone for their daughter's "misconduct."

 

Haredi parents marry off 13-year-old daughter as 'penance' for flirtations
Rabbi in West Bank town of Modi'in town convinced parents that Kabbalist text prescribed matrimony to atone for 'misconduct'.
By Chaim Levinson • Ha’aretz

A 13-year-old girl from the ultra-Orthodox town of Modi'in Ilit was married to a 16-year-old this week, after religious activists in the town told the girls' parents it would be penance for her romantic involvement with the boy.

About a month ago, the girl, an eighth-grader at the Netivot Da'at school in the West Bank town of Modi'in Ilit, told other girls in her class that she had become engaged to a 16-year-old boy from Rehovot, and that the two intended to get married soon. She also showed the girls clips of the engagement on her cellular phone.

Gossipers spread the story through the town, and an investigation launched by the welfare department discovered that the girl had become involved with boys over the past year, conduct that is prohibited in the ultra-Orthodox world. The parents, who are poor, approached a local rabbi, known to be involved in kabbalah, who told them that according to the kabbalistic work "The Zohar," the girl could atone by getting married. Six weeks ago, an engagement ceremony was held for the couple.

The wedding was set for the Purim holiday on Sunday. However, when the story became known, other rabbis of the town, led by the city's chief rabbi, Meir Kessler, began a campaign to call off the wedding. Kessler said that if the local rabbi and the parents had married off the young couple, he would call for that rabbi's excommunication. Kessler told Haaretz: I am utterly against the wedding. Marriages must not take place at that age. The marriage will not succeed."

The welfare department also began to monitor the girl closely. Municipal leaders also involved the police, who launched an investigation into suspicions of statutory rape and illegal marriage. The police also asked for a court injunction against the marriage, and warned the father not to go ahead with the marriage.

Over the past week, the parents they said they would call off the engagement. However, the welfare authorities said they had reason to suspect the wedding had in fact taken place in the presence of a rabbi, two witnesses, the parents of the bride and the parents of the groom. According to a senior official in the municipality, the individuals who had been pressuring the girl's family to marry her off told them this was the only way for the girl to supposedly atone for what they said was her sin, and the family was unable to withstand the pressure.

The Benjamin region police, headed by Chief Superintendent Yoram Akua, will now be launching an investigation against the parents and the rabbi who performed the ceremony. Their alleged offense carries a two-year jail term.

The law in Israel prohibits marriage under the age of 17, except by special court permission. According to Jewish law, marriages usually do not take place before the age of 18, except in the most radical sectors of the Bratslav Hasidim, where couples can marry at age 15. In the strict ultra-Orthodox Eda Haredit in Jerusalem, the custom is to get engaged at age 16 and wait two years until marriage.

A spokesman for the Modi'in Ilit local council said: "Due to the social workers' strike, the response of the welfare department is unavailable."

The girl's mother declined to comment, as did the rabbi who urged the family to marry off the girl.

Comments

[David]

A shocking case of child abuse, but from the frumma perspective, she'll be able to start generating her litter earlier than most. At this age, assuming she is physiologically capable of chilbirth, she might be able to pop out 20 or more for her Rebbe.

[Maskil]

The girl had to be married off at 13 as penance. What great act of good did the 16 year old bachur do to be rewarded with a marriage to a na'ara betulah (quite a fine prize)?

Conversely, if this fooling around rendered her a non-betulah odds are high that this young man was involved in the unduing of her previous status, and there is some sense in pairing the two together.

Also, since the boy is under Israeli law's age of consent he can't be nailed for statutory rape, even if he nailed the girl. By the time he's 17 she'll be 14 and they'll be within the age proximity allowed by law to exempt the legal party from statutory rape in an act of consensual sex with no abuse of authority. If the court wants to rule that a husband has authority over his wife like in ancient Persia (and most of the middle-East) that would be quite a dangerous precedent for the country.

According to Jewish law, marriages usually do not take place before the age of 18...

A mistranslation. "ben shemoneh esreh la-hupah" is classicly defined as one in his eighteenth year, thus 17 years old, and not 18 years old, but is also classicly mistranslated (and this is even though in the same narrative ben shlosh esreh la-mitzvot is thirteen complete years, Chazal distinguish between instances of obligation (complete years) and recommendation (in the Xth year).

[Josh W]

Your title made me laugh. Living in Modi'in, I can picture the uproar from the ultra-secularists who founded this city at being classified as a "West Bank Haredi town". :) I know you meant Modi'in Illit (as the article says), but it still made me laugh.

[ruthie]

1. the girl flirted...whatever she did...doesn't matter. in a very real sense marrying her off....it's as if she were an object and not a young lady who maybe just needs some attention?
2. romeo and julet?
3. i would think someone who is wise enough to know and understand kabbalah ...would have given the girl's parents some emotional support and suggested something other than marriage!

to be fair....there are 13 year old girls and there are 13 year old VERY mature with big breasts and raging hormones who are clearly physically older than 13...still love and support from family and neighbors would be nice.
BUT THAT, ALAS, IS JUST A DREAM....only one way out marriage at 13. can i be considered a rabbi? i would have given better advice.

[soso]

As opposed to modiin illit, modiin is not in the westbank. It is within the green line. Please correct title.

[soso]

But if she remains engaged, she has about the same problems as if she is married...

So I think the intervention was too late: they should have prevented the engagement too, and law should prohibit engagement for the same age group...

[jay]

Maskil, your attempts to rationalize and defend the actions of this rabbi are appalling. She's too young biologically to reproduce safely, no matter what you in your perverse outlook may believe.

[Jeff]

According to a senior official in the municipality, the individuals who had been pressuring the girl's family to marry her off told them this was the only way for the girl to supposedly atone for what they said was her sin, and the family was unable to withstand the pressure.

This is the main problem with that world. They live in constant fear - of one another, of their holy gedolim and of God.

And still they crow that their way of life will outlast ours - a chilling thought. If it were true, it would be better for the Jewish people to simply come to an end.

[moom]

The girl told her friends she wanted to get married to this boy. As punishment the parents told her to get married to the boy. Huh? How is that a punishment? Or a case of being careful of what you wish for?

[william e emba]

a local rabbi, known to be involved in kabbalah, who told them that according to the kabbalistic work "The Zohar," the girl could atone by getting married.

could

the individuals who had been pressuring the girl's family to marry her off told them this was the only way for the girl to supposedly atone for what they said was her sin,

only way

I wish they'd get their story straight.

And whatever happened to Yom Kippur?

[Yissy-ca]

Kabbala and chassidus is the problem (along with the culture).

[Garnel Ironheart]

Do you have contact information for the family? See, I've got this land in central Florida I've been looking to sell...

[Ovadia Ben Zona]

Dysfunctional religious morons living in a dysfunctional country. Social workers are on strike? Idiots!

[Alter Kocker]

The Chareidim are showing that they are just as low as so-called white trash. The old saying applies in this so-called culture:'Old enough to bleed-Old enough to breed'

So sad!

[Alter Kocker]

My sincerest wish for the young couple is that they wake-up, discover that their religious beliefs are mere smoke and mirrors and go right off the derech. They call the authorities and rat out their parents and rabbis for promoting this behaviour. The kids find a life for themselves and the parents/rabbis find a prison cell.

[martin nerl]

if this is standard haredi procedure, why haven't we heard of more cases? plenty of haredi youth have been involved before this. or do you people really believe this has happened many times before and we've able to keep it quiet?

[Yochanan Lavie]

Apologies to Ringo Starr:

YOU COME ON LIKE A GOLEM, KISHKE AND TCHULENT,
LIPS LIKE KEDEM WINE.
YOU'RE 13, SO FLIRTY AND YOU'RE MINE. (mine, all mine, all mine)

THE RABBI'S A CHURL, OY, WHAT A GIRL,
EYES THAT ARE FANATICALLY BLIND.
YOU'RE 13, SO FLIRTY AND YOU'RE MINE. (mine, all mine, all mine)

YOU'RE MY BESHERT, YOU'RE MY TCHOTCKE,
WE FELL IN LOVE WHILE WE ATE SOME LATKES.
YOU TOUCHED MY PAYOS, MY HEART WENT PLOTZ,
OY, WHEN WE KISSED, I LEARNED A BLATT.

YOU WALKED OUT OF 8TH GRADE AND INTO MY ARMS,
NOW YOU'RE MY MALACH DIVINE.
YOU'RE 13, SO FLIRTY AND YOU'RE MINE. (mine, all mine, all mine)

YOU'RE MY BESHERT, YOU'RE MY KALLAH,
WE FELL IN LOVE NOW YOU'LL BAKE ME CHALLAH.
YOU'RE UNDER THE CHUPPAH, THE GLASS GOES POP,
OY, WHEN WE KISSED, A TCHINEK I HOCKED.

YOU WALKED OUT OF THE MIKVEH AND IT'S SO BIZARRE ,
NOW YOU'RE MY CHILDHOOD BRIDE.
YOU'RE 13, SO FLIRTY AND YOU'RE MINE. (mine, all mine, all mine)

YOU'RE 13, SO FLIRTY AND YOU'RE MINE. (mine, all mine, all mine)

YOU'RE 13, YOU'RE FLIRTY AND YOU'RE MINE.

[Western Jew]

With stories like this and many I know from the "religious" jewish community, is it any wonder why there are Reform Movements. If the people who call themselves a Torah community would REALLY ACT WITH TORAH AS THEIR GUIDE, there would be no "breakaway" movements. Just a thought!

[Western Jew]

To be consistent with Torah Values, it might seem that a girl may choose her punishment. I have never heard the term "non-betulah" before but perhaps someone could explain. The girl appearantly did not have intercourse which I do not know the exact details but would certainly put her in another status as far as Torah is concerned. (Isn't that the case where she might be forced to marry, though clearly at a later time would be preferred. Had she had sex with someone when she was betrothed to another, I can not recall all of the detail but that person would have to owe her father an allotment of silver.) But that aside, just 'flirting' is not promiscuous sexual intercourse and this young woman should be given the change to change her ways through teshuvah. Marrying them does not ensure that she is going to behave appropriately even when married. So, I guess on this topic, I'm going to have to disagree with the "discipline" afforded. If my own daughter was flirting, I might ensure that she does not leave the house often. I would not be ready to marry her off so fast. Thanks!

[Maskil]

jay,

Maskil, your attempts to rationalize and defend the actions of this rabbi are appalling. She's too young biologically to reproduce safely, no matter what you in your perverse outlook may believe.

I did not try to rationalize anything, I just made some observations on the story and on the article. I did not defend the rabbi. As to your claim though that she's too young to biologically reproduce safely: I know a girl (not Jewish) who in 2007 at the age of 12 heard a classmate say that her mother got pregnant to keep her husband from leaving her "because a baby saves a marriage." In her simple mind this girl, whose mother and stepfather were about to break up (and it was the most stable environment she had ever lived in) gave a handjob to a classmate at his house and when he wasn't looking took his shirt on which he ejaculated and pushed as much sperm as she could into herself. The police and child services got involved when she was found to be pregnant, her story stood up - she was still a virgin - she was too shy to tell the father or even put his name on the birth certificate, but she gave birth at 13 in 2008 to a healthy baby boy. She herself was born when her mother was 14 and got knocked up by her mother's boyfriend. The girl ultimalely became sexually active after returning to school. She was found mentally stable, but her mother was not, in the end the couple did split up and the girl lives with her mother under the care of the mother's older sister (who took responsibility for her and her yonger brother because of the mother's mentally unstable condition). So don't lecture me on who's "too young biologically to reproduce safely" as it varies from person to person.

Again, I have no idea what the situation with the girl in the story is, as I gave numerous speculations, I only made some observations but did not try to condone anyone's behavior in this matter. I don't know enough about the personal details to have an opinion on the matter, but I do know Israeli law and my addressing of that matter is valid.

[ah-pee-chorus]

a chilling thought. If it were true, it would be better for the Jewish people to simply come to an end.

Posted by: Jeff | March 25, 2011 at 06:22 AM

no doubt.

[Rochel]

Western Jew wrote: With stories like this and many I know from the "religious" Jewish community, is it any wonder why there are Reform Movements.

Yup. That is why I left orthodoxy and became secular/liberal/reform/whatever you want to call it. I am much happier this way.

[Adam Neira]

This is medievil behaviour.

The girl is now more entrapped and disempowered than she already was. This is one case where the State must overrule the sect.

[effie]

Maskill: Keep your gross made up stories to yourself.

[jay]

Maskil, your one isolated, questionable and disturbing example doesn't change the fact that a 13 year old girls pelvis, musculature and cervix aren't sufficiently developed to give any certainty of safe pregnancy and childbirth. The rate of maternal mortality, miscarriage, infant mortality and birth defect is much higher then it is after age 18. While there are exceptions, some children mature more quickly, low gynecological age is a major risk factor.

[The Non Believer]

These parents should just move to the US and the kids can get married in under some state law.

[A E ANDERSON]

For thousands of years, people aged 13 to 16 have gotten married. In this modern age of an extended childhood, I understand youthful marriage offends the sensibilities of some, especially nanny-state social workers and their ilk who like to impose their values on others. I really don't see others need be bothered, especially if the couple manages to gain parental and court approval.

[Jeff]

Yes, and people died by the age of thirty - often in childbirth or because they were worn out from it.

Come on, A E.

[jay]

Anderson- one of the reasons infant mortality is down and fewer mothers die during childbirth is because 13 year olds are generally not marrying and (hopefully) not reproducing. You really have a problem when it comes to protecting children.

[Teddy]

Well, compared to murdering her, casting her out on the streets or marrying her off to a cousin she did not want to marry, (you know things SOME "goyim" have done in similar situations), this sounds not-too-bad, even somewhat cute.

[abcdefg]

"And if a man entice a maid that is not betrothed, and lie with her, he shall surely endow her to be his wife."

Oh right, the bible is just a fairy tale.

[muffinman]

Anderson,Maskil - Indeed, girls for thousands of years have been married off and forced to breed at young ages, and dying in the process because they are not fully grown, nor mature physically. It adds to the risk of death for mother and child, with much more suffering added to the mother because she is smaller and not fully grown. But then, maybe you jews are like the muslims - who cares about any of the suffering of these girls, nor deaths that are preventable - it's natural, after all, and all you beasts care about is your own lust - regardless of the cost to the lives of others.