Does Orthodox Jewish Life Promote Eating Disorders In Women?

In some cases, the prospective groom's family not only wants to know the girl's dress size, but that of her mother, so they can project what the potential bride will look like in 18 years. "Sometimes, they put a girl's health records online," she said. "It's like buying a horse. I think women can be silenced in that community. The eating disorder is the red flag."

Emphasis on food not always kosher

By Julia Duin • Washington Times

Eating disorders and religion? Bulimia, anorexia and other such maladies are growing among Orthodox Jews, according to a recent "Food, Body Image and Eating Disorders in the Jewish Community" workshop I attended in Bethesda, Md.

The Jewish culture is centered on food. Matzo ball soup, hamentaschen, gefilte fish, latkes, challah, you name it. Passover is built around a meal, as are the weekly Sabbath repasts.

The major Christian holidays usually include feasting, but the actual holiday rituals don't require that one eat.

"The emphasis on food in the Jewish culture is relentless," said Julie Dorfman, director of nutrition services at the Renfrew Center in Bethesda, which treats eating disorders. "Holiday tables are groaning with food. People are told to "eat, eat, eat," but not to get fat. The Jewish mother says, 'Show me you love me by eating my food.'

"At family gatherings, comments about food are incessant. People aren't talking about current events or music, they're focused on the food."

Staff members at Renfrew, where 12 percent of the patients are Jewish, said they noticed an uptick in Orthodox clients in recent years.

The main pressure, they said, is on the Jewish mother, who is responsible for keeping a kosher kitchen (a mammoth amount of work), providing a generous Sabbath dinner and dessert for not only her household, but various guests who wander in at any point during a Friday evening.

Jewish holidays are the worst, they said, as the amounts of food required take weeks to prepare. A woman's worth often rests on the quality of her cuisine.

My mind flashed back to such a dinner I attended in Brooklyn's Crown Heights section, where I was invited to a home where the table was groaning with huge amounts of food. Each course had about 10 dishes. Stacks of desserts sat in the kitchen, waiting for all the drop-in guests, who wandered in after services at the synagogue.

And the woman who oversaw it all was the mother of several children who had a sylph-like figure and a sparkling clean home. I could see what these panelists meant by the standards of perfection expected for these Orthodox women.

"Within the Orthodox community, there's matchmaking, so there's pressure on the bride to be fit," said Dr. David Hahn, who works out of Renfrew's Philadelphia center. "There's early marriage, having multiple children and the pressures of running a huge home."

Some of these women cannot deal with the pressure, and so turn on their own bodies, giving up food until they become dangerously thin. The Orthodox Union got so concerned with this trend that it produced a film, "Hungry to be Heard," warning viewers to watch for signs of these afflictions, particularly among teenage girls who feel their looks aren't good enough.

In Orthodoxy, I was told by Adrienne Ressler, one of the panelists, the Orthodox girl wants to be chosen "by the best groom and by the best groom's family."

"So the pressure is to be very thin."

In some cases, the prospective groom's family not only wants to know the girl's dress size, but that of her mother, so they can project what the potential bride will look like in 18 years.

"Sometimes, they put a girl's health records online," she said. "It's like buying a horse. I think women can be silenced in that community. The eating disorder is the red flag."

[Hat Tip: CS.]

Comments

[randomthought]

Unfortunately eating disorders are common in every community that I know of...

The only reason this could be an issue is that Orthodox Jews should know better.

[R]

Keeping a kosher home isn't that much of a mammoth task. But all the cooking for every yom tov (and there is one almost every month) and every weekend for shabbat is a real strain and hassle.
But i thought most Jews were overweight, had diabetes and high cholesterol and blood pressure along with varying degrees of depression.

[TheLoneCabbage]

A little over the top. And if all that prep work for a yom tov bothers you, move to Israel. 1 day Yom Tov.

Other problems may be that there are more women than men in the dating pool, and with women getting married latter rather than sooner. Men are OK to marry younger, but the reverse almost never happens. Keeping that youthful look and competing with younger women on the basis of appearance is always going to be a loosing battle.

[Mikal W. Grass]

It's the same way in the secular world. And, don't the brides' families care what the guy will look like in 18 years or how he will treat their daughter?

[harold]

The Italians also have this problem with the "Mangia, Mangia" cries from the (obese) Italian mothers. I also notice that there appears to be obesity problems among a lot of the Black Americans mostly I guess related to fast foods. In fact there was an article in today’s Newsday listing some fast food chains with dishes containing a gut busting 2,500 calories!!

http://www.newsday.com/lifestyle/food-and-recipes/these-chain-eateries-dishes-will-dash-your-diet-1.1953055

These chain eateries' dishes will dash your diet

Sink your teeth into a bacon cheeseburger at Five Guys Burgers & Fries and you've got yourself an award-winning dish.

At 920 calories and 30 grams of saturated fat, that belt-busting burger just received a 2010 Xtreme Eating Award from the Washington D.C.-based Center for Science in the Public Interest.

-- California Pizza Kitchen's tostada pizza with grilled steak rings up 1,680 calories and 32 grams of saturated fat. Its pesto cream penne has 1,350 calories and 49 grams of saturated fat.

-- Outback Steakhouse's New Zealand rack of lamb weighs in at 1,300 calories and 60 grams of saturated fat.

-- P.F. Chang's China Bistro's double pan-fried noodles combo was cited for its 7,690 milligrams of sodium.

-- Cheesecake Factory may be the baddest of the bad, according to CSPI senior nutritionist Jayne Hurley, who cites pasta carbonara with chicken (2,500 calories and 85 grams saturated fat) and chocolate tower truffle cake, 6 inches high and ¾ pound, weighing in at 1,670 calories and 48 grams of fat.
There's no place on a menu for a twenty-five hundred calorie entree," she said.

Unlike Jews who have a handful of holidays that are “food problematic”. The non-kosher world are inundated with daily unhealthy food choices – McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy’s, White Castle, etc.. When a kosher person goes to a mall the food court is off limits yet to the rest it is eat, eat, eat. When I visit my daughter at Stern’s in Manhattan I am absolutely amazed at what appears to be one eating establishment after another.

[Shmarya]

Unlike Jews who have a handful of holidays that are “food problematic”. The non-kosher world are inundated with daily unhealthy food choices – McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy’s, White Castle, etc..

Idiot.

People who don't keep kosher have fast food chains. People who do keep kosher have the ubiquitous pizza shops and heimishe restaurants to eat in.

Any idea how many calories are in one greasy knish, a corned beef sandwich and a coke?

[harold]

People who don't keep kosher have fast food chains. People who do keep kosher have the ubiquitous pizza shops and heimishe restaurants to eat in

True, but it is not in their faces 24/7. I work in Downtown Brooklyn. If I want to eat out for lunch I would have to take a subway to Manhattan to go to a kosher eating establishment while someone who is not kosher goes around the corner to a McDonalds. So I brown bag it and my co-workers eat a Wopper and fries.

[Shmarya]

And if you worked in Williamsburg, Borough Park, Flatbush or Crown Heights you'd be 50 pounds heavier – which is the point of the article, the point you continue to ignore.

[harold]

And if you worked in Williamsburg, Borough Park, Flatbush or Crown Heights you'd be 50 pounds heavier – which is the point of the article, the point you continue to ignore.

I live in the 5 towns where there are many kosher establishments, again, just not in my face. I guess if I lived very close to Central Ave I would have a problem. Do I go out - yes, but it is not based on impulse since it is not in my face but because "I want to go out" so I would eat out say twice a week. Much less than what I see my co-workers doing. The variety of offerings on Central Ave coupled with the fact that I am not impulse eating and driving to the eating establishment of my choice offers me a variety of eating option, some, as you mentioned, stereotypical fattening Jewish fare and some quite healthy options.

[The Hebrew Hammer]

Shmarya if you worked in Auschwitz you'd be a thin tall man with blue eyes. Perhaps wearing a black uniform with a SS lighting bolt emblem on it.

I'm sure obesity among the "Juden" would be no problem with you in charge. And even so I'm sure those ovens would come in handy.

[Shmarya]

I live in the 5 towns where there are many kosher establishments, again, just not in my face. I guess if I lived very close to Central Ave I would have a problem. Do I go out - yes, but it is not based on impulse since it is not in my face but because "I want to go out" so I would eat out say twice a week. Much less than what I see my co-workers doing. The variety of offerings on Central Ave coupled with the fact that I am not impulse eating and driving to the eating establishment of my choice offers me a variety of eating option, some, as you mentioned, stereotypical fattening Jewish fare and some quite healthy options.

Of course, the same can be said for non-Jews in most places.

[kathiego]

R: How can you say that keeping a kosher kitchen is not a mammoth task? Have YOU ever cooked 3 meals a day for a family of 5 children with a husband, making sure no meat touches milk? Have you ever stood over a hot stove all day long cooking those special holiday foods or even the larger meals for the Shabbat? Have you ever stood over a sink full of dishes having to wash them separately and dry them separately and not let the dishes touch? How about cleaning 2 ovens? 2 stove tops? 2 sets of sinks? Yeah unless you have don't talk to us about keeping a kosher kichen not being a mammoth task. Sounds like you do not appreciate your mother. I think it's really bad that young girls are judged about their potential size/dress size and nothing whatsoever is said about fat men. It's like the article said, it's as if these men and boys are buying a horse. The double standard is alive and well. It's more important about how a daughter/new bride will be treated by her husband not about her staying anorexic thin. It sounds like boys and girls need to be educated in treating all people with respect and caring because they are human beings NOT pieces of meat that "need" to stay lean for your pleasure.

[Bill]

Hammer,

That was offensive and inappropriate.

Funny, though.

[harold]

Of course, the same can be said for non-Jews in most places

Most Jews do not have nearby kosher eating options when they step out of their work places at lunch break while virtually all non-kosher people will have an eating option within a stone's throw away. Even when I used to work in Manhattan I still would have to walk quite a few blocks away to 47th St to get kosher food all the while passing one non-kosher eating establishment after another. Goodness, even the building that I worked in had a cafeteria for the building workers.

[who knows]

Harold: You keep bringing the same stupid argument - availability of kosher restaruants is low, therefore we Jews are better off.

[Izzy]

So Orthodox males are interested in, and maybe even obsessed with, the female form. Shocked and appalled. Scandalous.

[Shmarya]

Even past that, non-Jews have far greater choices – many of which are healthy.

But this is harold the troll, so logic, facts and simple honesty does not apply.

[Cheskel]

And if you worked in Williamsburg, Borough Park, Flatbush or Crown Heights you'd be 50 pounds heavier – which is the point of the article, the point you continue to ignore.Posted by: Shmarya | May 27, 2010 at 10:45 AM

You have no clue what you are saying.

Most kosher restaurants in williamsburgh,BP,Flatbush and CH as busy as you think they are,are not that busy. They are struggling and make almost a living.Unlike other places where they make good money.

And why is that?

Because they don't eat out as much

[Mr. Apikoros]

Restaurants open and close with appalling regularity everywhere. It's a tough way to make a living, kosher or no.

As for eating disorders, show me evidence that they are more prevalent among orthodox Jews than among anyone else.

[Garnel Ironheart]

Orthodoxy is not a cause of female anorexia. Men are the cause of female anorexia.

[harold]

Holiday tables are groaning with food. People are told to "eat, eat, eat," but not to get fat. The Jewish mother says, 'Show me you love me by eating my food.

…

Even past that, non-Jews have far greater choices – many of which are healthy.

My point was that the Jewish holidays are few and far between. The problems of obesity are driven more by everyday bad eating habits rather that the excesses that occur on the Yom Tovim.

Even though you say that non-Jews have many healthy eating choices it is rather blind sighted to ignore the fact that there is an obesity problem in America and it is precisely for the reasons that I mentioned.

[anoymous]

Of course we have eating disorders in our society. I thank g-d have self control but we have so many wedding and sheva brochos and bar mitzvahs and so much alte night eating it is condusive to a very unhealthy lifestyle.

[Shmarya]

My point was that the Jewish holidays are few and far between. The problems of obesity are driven more by everyday bad eating habits rather that the excesses that occur on the Yom Tovim.

Idiot.

The article talks about Shabbat meals, as well, and we have those 3x per week every week.

[Yoel Mechanic]

Men cause women's eating disorders? An interesting idea. I found the book by Joan Jacobs Brumberg "Fasting Girls" most enlightening. According to that, eating disorders in women are associated with affluence (and a complex of family dynamics centering around perfectionism and control). It's a complicated issue, but unlikely related to availability of "fast food", since fast food is available to all, just varying degrees of convenience and expense. I would suggest increased affluence, and attendant social pressures in the Orthodox world might be more relevant. I hope this blog will continue to post articles "covering the orthodox world" based on their relevancy and accuracy, and not on whether they have a good or bad spin for the orthodox world. A good editor would not do otherwise.

[WoolSilkCotton]

Orthodox girls should start turning down fat guys, or guys with fat fathers. Maybe then the attitudes will change.

Yoel Mechanic, good analysis.

[william e emba]

According to that, eating disorders in women are associated with affluence (and a complex of family dynamics centering around perfectionism and control). It's a complicated issue, but unlikely related to availability of "fast food", since fast food is available to all, just varying degrees of convenience and expense.

You are mixing up two issues--not that Shmarya was all that clear. Eating disorders (anorexia/bulimia) are associated with affluence. But obesity is associated with junk food and poverty.

The problem I find (out in Philadelphia) is that there is normally very little in the way of kosher dining near where I work, so I all too often get by on junk food.

[WoolSilkCotton]

Emba, is there a good kosher restaurant or deli in the Bala Cynwyd area? I need to know (have a trip to make there in a few days).

[harold]

Idiot.

The article talks about Shabbat meals, as well, and we have those 3x per week every week

I wouldn't call Shalosh Seudos a meal. It is usually challa rolls some salad (tuna, egg and Israeli) and some soda (at least in my shul.

----------------------------------

The third meal, eaten late Shabbat afternoon, is called Seudah Shlishit (literally, "Third Meal"). This is generally a light meal and may be parve or dairy.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shabbat

--------------------------------

According to Halakha, the meal is to be eaten in the afternoon.[1] It is usually the smallest of the three meals, often consisting of foods such as salads and gefilte fish in Ashkenazi custom and tuna, harissa, and fruits in Mizrachi and Sephardi customs.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seudah_Shlishit

[Neo-Conservaguy]

Orthodoxy is not a cause of female anorexia. Men are the cause of female anorexia.

Women need no help from men with this and other issues - they self motivate plenty enough. Surely the gains from a century of woman's rights battles also come with self responsibility. Like many things, caring about weight and appearance are not bad things at all, until taken past a healthy level. I'm not even touching the claim of posting health records - it's incendiary and hardly normative behavior.

[william e emba]

Cafe Shira (dairy) is on Bala Avenue, and it may still be open--it looked normal the other day when I passed it before normal business hours--but its website seems to have been hijacked by a health site. I've never eaten there, but it seems to be upscale.

The Acme in Narberth and the Genuardi's in Wynnewood are about a half-mile to a mile away, and they each have an in-store kosher deli counter, plus a goodly selection of kosher goodies. There is a cholov stam ice cream place in the Wynnewood shopping center, almost next door to the Genuardi's.

The Acme in Bala itself has some kosher stuff, but it no longer has a kosher deli counter (in case you come across some stale news).

There are two tiny Judaica stores in Bala (Bala Judaica and Rosenberg's). Both carry kosher wines.

About two miles away, down City Avenue in Overbrook Park is a cluster of choices, including Shalom Pizzeria, New York Bagels, R&R store, Bestcake Bakery. They were all doing fine as of last week. The holy Rebbetzin K gets her parve frozen desserts at the nearby Rita's Water Ice. I have no idea if the one there has a hechsher, or if it's simply the brand itself.

[Shmarya]

I wouldn't call Shalosh Seudos a meal. It is usually challa rolls some salad (tuna, egg and Israeli) and some soda (at least in my shul.

It's a meal which closely follows a very large meal – Shabbat lunch.

For about 1/2 of the year, most people who eat it are not even hungry.

[WoolSilkCotton]

Thanks, William E!

[Yoel Mechanic]

Yeah, the threads got tangled with all these difference eating issues: too much eating, too little eating, lots of tangent issues brought up. Another tangent issue in these tangled thread is the idea there are lots more women than men on the dating market. Now, I have no idea the real statistics (I assume on average its gotta be pretty even) but in the 30's and early 40's crowd I feel like I'm always dealing with tons of men, and ask where all the women are. It is just a feeling, of course.

[harold]

most people who eat it are not even hungry

Exactly, that is why it isn't really a meal. I usually eat a kezayis of the challah and a cup of soda.

[Shmarya]

Assuming you'd drink the soda anyway, the kezayit of halla is approximately 175 calories.

Multiply that by 52 = 9100 extra calories per year from little piece of halla alone. That equals 2.6 extra pounds gained per year.

Now add in the standard Shabbos meals 1 and 2 feasting, all the Yom Tovim, and the Polish / Hungarian preference for greasy, oily, fatty food, and you have a real problem with weight gain – even when you factor in fast days.

[endogamy]

if you are jewish the best thing to do is avoid a jewish woman altogether. inbreeding is bad and few straight men have any interest in a 45 yr old jewish hag.

so if you're a man go shiksa and be happy ...its the right derech.

[Mr. Apikoros]

Just because you keep kosher doesn't mean you have to eat like a pig.

One can always drink Diet Coke, Diet Pepsi, or if you can find it, Tab. That would make up for the 175 calories in the challah.

[Dr. Dave]

Mr. A-

Actually recent studies show that artificial sweeteners don't really fool the body. Your body feels like it should have had sugar, but didn't so it goes in search of sugars / simple carbohydrates.

Better to stick to water and seltzer.

[harold]

Harold: You keep bringing the same stupid argument - availability of kosher restaruants is low, therefore we Jews are better off.

My point was that while people who eat kosher may have one type of "problem" the non-kosher people have a different type of problem. The question is which is worse for the waistline, the two shabbos meals and the handful of Yom Tovim vs the saturation of eating establishment availability 24/7 globally. I for one feel that if I had all those eating options at my disposal I would be much heavier that I am now.

I don’t know how many FailedMessiahnites can relate since I would venture a guess that most FailedMessiahnites do not keep kosher or shabbos and think only in stereotypical terms like Scotty’s comment “Any idea how many calories are in one greasy knish, a corned beef sandwich and a coke?”

[mom5]

Having baby after baby after baby, being too overwhelmed afterwards to diet and exercise off the pregnancy pounds causes weight gain for many frum women.

[Jon]

A quick look at the phys ed program at your average bais yaacov will give you a clue as to why obesity is such an issue.

[Dave]

I think the only way the problem of over-weight people in the frum community is going to stop is if some courageous rav puts out a takanah saying that Hashem expects people to do their best to keep fit.

[kisarita]

The shidduch system promotes eating disorders as girls are evaluated strictly by external criteria (both looks and other external criteria), leading men and their mothers to expect a chick who fits some kind of theoretical ideal. However when men and women meet eachother in more natural circumstances it is more likely for them to be attracted to eachother than not.
Orthodox Judaism also promotes eating disorders because of the extreme control over its members.
Lastly because of lack of options for self expression, ambition and other things for young women to focus on and take pride, although that is changing since I grew up. At least one thing has changed for the better.

[kisarita]

Obesity is not a problems among frum women more than the general population, it is a problem among frum men who live very sedentary lifestyles and 3 shabos meals.

[Phat or Fat?]

This is very interesting..many of you are obsessed with blaming other cultures & their disgusting eating habits, making crude jokes about SS Officers & listing the umpteen places around Brooklyn to eat food instead of looking at the heart of the matter.
The article did NOT say Jews ONLY acted as such. In fact ED's are very common in many other cultures.
It is specifically talking about this culture so why don't we put away the defensive claws & talk about how to change this instead of talking about fat white,black,spanish, whatever people.
Not once did I see someone say that the article had a grain of truth in it, which it obviously does.
Why don't you go around and speak truthfully with the young ladies this article mentions & see how they feel.
As for the mention of Italians it is quite different, the men don't care (for the most part) how large their ladies become. In fact it is almost expected after they pop out a few pups & eat as they do, all they care for is their families, being scarily thin is last priority.
They also do not arrange marriges & make it so arranged wedding are the ONLY way to wed and pimp the prettier kid out over the uglier.
Every culture has issues with how women see themselves and every culture has similar articles. In fact I read one recently about black women but what I did not see was every post point out the flaws in other cultures that had similar issues. Nor did I see ppl make crude jokes about slavery or list every black eating establishment in the free world JUST to keep off the topic at hand.

[hello_world]

Kisarita, you're right and you're right to point out that it's not just that women are being auctioned off like race horses it's the fact that these human beings are so repressed that they are taking it out on their bodies.

Eating disorders are usually linked to situation problems which lead to psychological problems which lead to the eating disorder.

All of you above who tried to give cover for what orthodoxy does to women by saying "the whole world is like this", shame on you. At least in the goyishe world a woman is not pressured to give up her rights to seek the aid of the police or to sue in a court of law in favor of going before a panel of rabbis (guess what, all men).

Whoops, I mean unless she is in a patriarchal cult religion, like Mormonism, Jehovah's Witless, Catholicism (look at their ridiculous "annulment" procedure--spousal abuse is not grounds for annulment of a marriage), Mennonite (Amish), Islam, etc, etc.

The common thread is letting ORGANIZED RELIGION invade and control every aspect of life, rather than according religion a space within a secular framework.

[Anon]

I don't think shabbos and yom tov meals are the problem. It is perfectly possible to eat healthy, balanced meals on shabbos/yom tovim. Even when I don't, I tend to eat lighter meals during the week. I've maintained the same dress size I had when I became a BT (with very little effort, I might add).

Anorexia and bulemia aren't about food. They're about women who don't feel like they have control over their lives. Food/eating becomes the one thing they think they can control. I'm speaking as someone who had an anorexic roommate (who wasn't Jewish) and dated someone who worked with people who had eating disorders.

Eating disorders are found in all communities and all walks of life. If there are more Orthodox women checking into eating disorder clinics in recent years, it's probably due to the fact that we're finally starting to admit that our community is not immune to this horrible disease.