Court Rules Catholic Woman Must Live As Hasidic Jew

"I truly feel it's an intrusion on my home life. That I have to now obey certain aspects of being kosher and following Shabbat in order for my husband and I to see his son, is wrong."

US court: Catholic woman must live as Orthodox Jew

Catholic couple ordered to live Hasidic lifestyle in order to be able to see husband's son, who was born to ultra-Orthodox Jewish mother

Rebecca Bitton • Ynet

It has been centuries since the divide between church and state has been in place but recently it seems that religion has been taking center stage in divorce courts across the United States. This time, the state has ruled that ultra-Orthodox Judaism must be followed by a pair of Catholics.

Laura Derbigney, a Hispanic Catholic woman, has been placed under court order to keep Shabbat, keep kosher and live as a Hasidic Jew. This court order was carried out in Chicago and the woman is now being told she must live an Orthodox Jewish lifestyle due to her new husband’s ex-wife who is a Hasidic Jew.

Derbigney’s husband Nelson, also a Catholic, has a son by his first wife, a seven-year old who must carry out ultra-Orthodox restrictions with his Catholic father as he has with his biological mother, and this is the reasoning behind the court’s order to have the boy’s father and new step-mother live in the ways of a Hasidic Jew.

"I truly feel it's an intrusion on my home life," Derbigney said from her attorney's office Monday, according to NBC reports. "That I have to now obey certain aspects of being kosher and following Shabbat in order for my husband and I to see his son, is wrong."

These restrictions include dietary restrictions. Despite Derbigney reportedly liking to cook Hispanic foods from her childhood, she will not be able to feed the child pork. Furthermore, the court has ordered that she is not allowed to shop at her regular supermarket and must shop from a kosher supermarket, henceforth – a supermarket, according to her interview with NBC, that is located in a different neighborhood far from her home.

Along with this, she will definitely not be able to take the boy from her new husband’s first marriage in a car on Saturdays, and for the same reason no sports will be played, no electronics will be used, as she has to follow all the laws of Shabbat.

The court order was enacted under the demands of the Hasidic Jewish ex-wife who complained to court that the last time her son visited his father he was fed non-kosher hot dogs.

Attorney Joel Brodsky, who is defending the Derbigneys and has won a similar case where religion proved to be the main concern in a custody battle, told NBC that the court’s ruling ignores the First Amendment which describes a citizen’s right to live by their own religious beliefs. Brodsky said, “Just because you're divorced, the court can't say how to live your lives or what grocery store you can go to."

Brodsky’s similar case that he won in mid February of this year coincidentally involves a Jewish ex-wife and a Hispanic Catholic father. The father, by the name of Joseph Reyes, converted to Judaism when he married his ex-wife Rebecca Reyes and returned to Catholicism when they divorced. Later, he brought their daughter Ela to a church and was afterwards sued, facing prison and fines for the church visit due to allegations that the pair decided to raise the daughter Jewish; though the father denies this.

This particular case was judged by Judge Edward Jordan, member of the Decalogue Society of Lawyers (Jewish bar association) but with the request of Brodsky, the judge was changed to Cook County Judge Goldfarb who ruled in favour of the father’s right to send their daughter to church during his visitations if he so chooses.

Does divorce court have the right to determine a child’s religious affiliation based on how a child was raised prior to the divorce? Or should the divide between state and religion be firmly upholding in divorce courts today? The age-old controversy between state and religion is presenting itself repeatedly in custody battles in 21st Century divorce courts.

[Hat Tip: Maskil.]

Comments

[who knows]

Tough case

[itchiemayer]

Geez, I could go in a supermarket in Auburn, Indiana and get kosher food....in the middle of nowhere. While I can certainly understand the Court requireing them to be respectful of the boy's orthodox Judaism, it went a bit too far. I agree with not serving him treif, not driving him on Shabbos and things like that. But some of the other requirements are over the line.

[Betzalel]

It is against Jewish law for a Gentile to keep Shabbos. If she keeps Shabbos, she's breaking Jewish law.

[Mr. Apikoros]

It is unclear if Judge Jordan (who is clearly not the Michael Jordan of jurisprudence) was the idiot who ruled in this matter, or some other Cook County hack.

This woman isn't engaging in any illegal behavior by not keeping kosher or observing the Jewish sabbath, so the judge in this case is clearly and totally out of line. He must be impeached.

Kudos to Joel Brodsky for fighting this case.

[David]

Since the Charedim will not even trust other Charedim from different sects with the kashrut of their food, how can they trust the kashrut of the food from a non-Jew and a lapsed convert? The only way this could work is if either the mother supplies pre-packaged food (like airline meals) or their is a mashgiach to accopmpany the boy (or both). Also, the other problems are numerous. Is the boy expected to attend shul three times a day? Who will the boy play with as he won't be allowed to play with non-Jews? Isn't it likely that the boy will be placed in an environment extremely hostile to Judaism, especially given these sorts of demands? I agree that the boy should have access to kosher food but a fully observant lifestyle in a non-Jewish environment is simply not possible (ask Rubashkin). Also, what authority does the state have to make this sort of decree? Fair enough - in this case - it could be argued that according to the mother's religious beliefs the boy is Jewish and those beliefs should be followed but what if the ex-husband became a Muslim? Then the mother would claim the child was Jewish but the father would claim it was Muslim (since Muslims go by patrilineal descent)...

[soso]

I suppose this article is a quite biased description of the facts.

I suppose it is all about having the child keep kosher, be shomer shabbat, etc. but by no means about the catholic stepmother doing so.

[David]

The supposition that kosher slaughter is cruel is untrue. An animal’s throat is cut in one swift motion with a razor-sharp knife. This severs the carotid arteries and jugular veins and unconsciousness is achieved within seconds and death occurs soon after due to cerebral hypoxia. Further, as anyone who has cut themselves with a sharp blade will realise, pain is not felt for some time. In kosher slaughter an animal is unconscious or dead before pain could occur. There is also a great body of scientific evidence that proves kosher slaughter is humane, e.g. see “Physiological Insights into Shechita” (kosher slaughter) in The Veterinary Record, June 12, 2004, Vol. 154 which concludes “shechita is a painless and humane method of animal slaughter”. Note also the significant numbers of botched cases of conventional slaughter in abattoirs.

[David]

Shmmaya - please remove above - accidentally posted it in wrong section.

[alternative childcare]

Here, all of the "Jews" problems have been solved, Mr A and all the commentators can now rest quietly, since the Jews don't actually exist:

http://www.spiegel.de/politik/ausland/0,1518,697365,00.html

[Isa]

Something does not fit...
A hasidic woman marrying a convert? AND who converted the guy?

But this might fit...
The ex-wife becomes religious or 'religious' for various reasons whether for good or bad and this messes with his visitation rights

[ad]

Betzalel. It's against Jewish law for a gentile to keep kosher? It's breaking Jewish law?

Are you joking? If a gentile wanted to keep "kosher" will the kosher police, raid the home of these "lawbreakers." Who enforces this law and you really think a gentile would care about what Jewish law says if they want to keep kosher?

You can't be serious?

[Catcher50]

@Betzalel...

Your statement makes absolutely no sense. Since Jewish Law (whichever version of halacha you buy into) does not apply to non-Jews, how can the mother be in violation of Jewish law?

BTW, I think that the judge was absolutely wrong in this call. He/she needs to read the Constitution. Given some of the decisions by this SCOTUS, Allito, Scalia and co. have show that a judge, even on the highest level only has to know what they think that the Constitution says, not what it actually says.

OTOH, when it gets into divorces and custody battles, all of the rules go by the board. As an attorney friend of mine once said: No matter how friendly the divorce seems to be, you better bring a sponge to mop up the blood.

[Doctor Memory]

For those (especially the non-americans in the audience) who are flabbergasted by this: most state's family court judges have extremely broad authority to impose whatever insane restrictions they like on either parent when coming to a decision about how disputed visitation rights are to be portioned out. This is a particularly weird example of it, and I cannot imagine that it won't be eventually overturned, but the judge is, formally at least, operating entirely inside the law.

(The likelihood that the judge will impose a completely insane arbitary set of conditions on your settlement acts as a small built-in incentive to resolve custody disputes like this outside of the courts: there's obviously a pretty direct precedent in the Torah for it. :)

[george]

Why does this story say the step mother is being bound by the rules of the ultra orthodox? The judges restrictions impose those of normative Judaism (e.g. orthodoxy), not "ultra-orthodoxy". And no one is requiring the stepmother to observe anything - she is just required to let the boy be observant. Nothing wrong with that. And would someone site a Torah portion that prohibits non Jews from observing Jewish requirements - eating only kosher food, observing our Sabbath? Bet you can't.

[george]

Btw, the headline is blatanly dishonest and mistates the facts; either Shayma is blatantly lying or he doesn't understand English.

[Mr. Apikoros]

The judge has no right to impose ANY religious rules on the stepmother, or for that matter, on anyone else. If the birth mother became an islamofascist, would the stepmother have to wear a burkha in the presence of the stepson?

The word for you, George, is disingenuous. Actually, I have a much stronger word in mind for you.

[awesome]

this is AWESOME!

the media will pick up on this and publicize chabad vs judaism and highlight the weird and savage chabad practices so as to garner attention.

media types: talk about
-the ORAL bris (has aspect of pedophilia with oral-genital contact)
-the prohibition on mosering ie reporting wife and child abuse to the cops
-creationism is enforced as a belief
-throw in the guru faith healing thing and interview some young adults who have left the chabad cult

[alternative childcare]

Actually, Mr A, you are incorrect. The court usually takes upon itself measures to ensure minimal disruption to the child's life and social norms. It is protective of the child that on his visitation he is not fed lobster, etc. That is all this ruling states, and is common. If the child was raised Muslim and that was his normal environment they could not force him/her to become Christian. This is not Italy in the 1800s where society forces conversion on children.

[PishPosh]

Judge Roy Bean ran a bar and courtroom under the same roof. One day a salesman came in and ordered a beer, which in those days was a trifling sum.
The Judge gave him the beer and said "That will be 3.00 dollars please." The salesman turned red with rage and started shouting expletives and saying that this was highway robbery.
The Judge pulled out his revolvers, said "Courts in session" and turning to the salesman he said, "I'm fining you 2.00 for disturbing the peace and another dollar for court costs. Oh and the beers on me".

Dont ask me what this has to do with these Judges, maybe its the style of ruling, but I always did like Roy Bean. He was the lawmans Hershel Ostropolier.

[Pessie Gelb]

Have a bisil rachmunes on the yidishe kinder and let them keep their religion! Didnt anybody ever think that freedom of religion also applies to children and not just to adults?

[george]

Apikoros, the insult you really want to hurl at me, the defining word that indicates you can't stand either me or the religious or those supportive of the religious, the horrible term you really want to use is ........................................................JEW.

[harold]

It is against Jewish law for a Gentile to keep Shabbos. If she keeps Shabbos, she's breaking Jewish law

That doesn't bother me too much. I would be real pissed if I find out that shes been putting on teffilin!

[FirstGenerationBavarianAmerican]

Don't blame our moderator for that headline - blame WMAQ-TV Chicago A/K/A NBC Chicago:
http://www.nbcchicago.com/news/local-beat/religious-custody-battle-derbigney-94035614.html

Everybody who picked up this story just cribbed or rewrote the WMAQ-TV story dated May 18th.

About the original author:

Natalie is very active and recognized in the Latino community and a member of the National Association of Hispanic Journalists; UNAVOZ, a Hispanic leadership association; and the National Association for Female Executives. She also does charitable work for LOOKINGLASS and STAR LIGHT/STAR BRITE foundations among others, and frequently services as Mistress of Ceremonies.

Source: http://www.nbcchicago.com/station/about-us/Natalie_Martinez_.html#ixzz0pTfGobOZ

[Dee]

Forget the rights of the parents, if the kid most of the time is being raised Hasidic, how is nobody thinking of how this will confuse the kid to feed him pork, or lead to his feeling he did something wrong even though it wasn't his decision. The father chose to have a child in that lifestyle even though the marriage ended. Not that it should reach far enough to tell the father and new wife how to live their life but putting your kid in the middle because you changed is just wrong. Let him decide when he's older if he wants to eat pork and drive on Saturdays.

[Mr. Apikoros]

If that were the case, AC, then the kid would be with the Hasidic parents over the weekend.

Nobody here is forcing this kid to be Christian. But since his father isn't ultra-Orthodox, he's being raised in two different cultures, which, as 47% of Jews are intermarried, is the norm in the United States.

What this despicable POS of a biological mother is doing is trying to keep the kid away from the father. That's the einst and einege of this sorry tale. Unfortunately, whoever was the judge here, another miserable POS, went along with the biological mother's BS.

If I were the stepmother, I'd be in willful contempt of the judge's clearly unconstitutional order, and if I wanted to go someplace on Saturday, I would. Let the judge try throwing me in jail as another idiot Cook County judge tried with a Catholic guy who wanted to take his daughter to church. That judge was overturned, and so will this one.

[gEW]

George, go give yourself an oral bris.

[Mr. Apikoros]

How did I become gEW?

[Mikal W. Grass]

Surreal!!!

[Heart of Stone]

Wtf? The imbecilic catholic woman feels fucking constrained by being required not to feed the kid her traditional Hispanic pork recipes?? And people here are defending the bitch? Fuck her...everybody here knows that it's not all that difficult to feed someone kosher food, even in a non-kosher house...

[Betzalel]

To those who doubt what I said before, ask your local rabbi or google it. It is a fact that it is against Jewish law for a Gentile to keep Shabbos. It's in the Talmud.

[Mr. Apikoros]

Heart of Shit, this goes far beyond feeding the kid kosher food. It constrains the stepmother's behavior. SHE is not allowed to watch TV on Saturday, for example. Or ride an elevator, unless every floor is pressed (maybe).

Who the FUCK is this FUCKING judge to constrain the behavior of an adult who hasn't violated any law?

The ruling is, to the father, "You want to see your son? Obey Shariyah (oops, Haredi) law. Or else."

[Hometown Postville]

Rules, rules rules! What if the mother were raising her son as a vegan? Would she be going to court demanding he couldn't ride in his father's SUV which has leather seats? Would she insist they not go to "The Outback" for steaks? Don't feed him Aunt Millie's potato salad because she always puts boiled eggs in it? Yes I'm being sarcastic but I DO respect both sides- what a dilemma! And what's next?????

[Heart of Stone]

Apeekareis (wow, I surpass myself every time!:) ) the woman seems to be upset that she can't feed the child pork...now, if you were staying in my home, and you didn't like pork (or pickles, or eggplant) I FUCKING WOULDNT GIVE YOU ANY! Furthermore, if you were a Muslim staying in my home - presumably because I liked you, and thus wanted you there - then I would treat you the WAY YOU FUCKING WANT TO BE TREATED AND SHOULD BE TREATED .

So if the kid is, and conceives of himself as, an observant Jew, then that's how he should be treated. That's the only thing that matters - you take care of the kid in a way that doesn't cause the kid to be torn and confused....

[alternative childcare]

Mr A- did you see this? I'm surprised Shmarya is not all over this:

http://www.spiegel.de/politik/ausland/0,1518,697365,00.html

[seymour]

maybe I am stupid

is the real mother a convert or a bal thsuva
what is a frum lady having a child with a gentile.

Where they married?

[Catcher50]

@Betzalel...

You must have a very large blindspot. A non-Jew is totally unaffected by Halacha, one way or another. Your rabbi or Google can say anything they/it wants. She is no more concerned with Jewish law than I am governed by Japanese law (and, no, I don't live in Japan).

As far as Kashrut is concerned, there has actually been quite an increase sales of Hechshered food to non-Jews, in the belief that it is, somehow, more pure than non-Hechshered food.

[David]

To those who doubt what I said before, ask your local rabbi or google it. It is a fact that it is against Jewish law for a Gentile to keep Shabbos. It's in the Talmud.

Correct - that's why someone who is converting has to do something to deliberately break Shabbos - e.g. light a match.

[Mr. Apikoros]

The reason Shmarya isn't all over that, AC, is that he's not a MAVEN in German like you and I are.

Perhaps we should help him out and translate.

[Mr. Apikoros]

Scheissherz, this isn't about what the kid wants. The kid is 7 years old; his mind is malleable over what religion he wants to follow.

The issue isn't what the kid wants, anyway. It's that the miserable stinking selfish frumbag mother doesn't want his father to have shared custody. So her stinking shyster piece of shit lawyer shops the stupidest family court judge in Cook County, one who doesn't know the Constitution from a shtick halvah, and persuades him to issue a decree stating that if the kid is at his dad's house for the weekend, neither his dad nor his stepmom can eat a cheeseburger, much less drive to Mickey D's to pick one up.

The only problem with this is that this judge's kangaroo court decree is that it violates both the letter and spirit of the First Amendment, BIG TIME. Fortunately the stepmother got herself a Jewish pit bull of a litigator who'll rip this "judge" a new one.

[Hotspur]

My heart goes out to the kid. Seriously, the parents are both selfish, they should work with what's in the best interest of the child, aka parents not at each other's throats.

[Mr. Apikoros]

I did a little research. Seems the father is, and always was, Christian. He was divorced several years ago from the birth mother of this kid, whose name is Elina Margolina. According to the ex-husband, Margolina was a reform Jew who wasn't particularly religious. It's not too often that a Hasidic Jew marries a shaygetz.

Recently, Margolina remarried and became a ba'al teshuva. As such, she's trying to impose her new faith on her son, and on the ex along with his wife.

She just wants sole custody; that's what this nonsense is all about.'

The name of the father is Nelson Debigny, not Debigney. Most Debignys (and Debigneys) live in Louisiana and Texas.

[Isa]

Apikorus thanks for the research... Although this is a mess it is a whole lot better than being falsely accused of molestation. My friend got hit with that... got himself out of that mess. 25 + years later he is estranged from his two sons. But got remarried and now has three kids

[seymour]

putting the child i8n an ultra orthodox home all the time.

The judge should be held liable for child abuse. Let him free and enjoy his younger years

[george]

Proving once again that we Jews are some of the stupidest people on the planet (from who we support politically and who we don't), it is clear that many of us just can't read. The stepmother can eat do anything she would like; but she can't treat her stepson in a trefe way (e.g. feeding him pork, having him drive on Saturday). Now there are legitimate arguments on both side of whether she should have that right - but to misstate the facts and say the judge is imposing Judaism and prevent her from eating pork, etc. is just not true.

[Mr. Apikoros]

Wrong. The article clearly says that during the time the stepson is around, the Catholic stepmother must adhere to ultra-Orthodox rules, and the court even directed her to shop at a particular store.

The worst thing about all this, beside the obvious interference on the part of a family court judge, is that the mother became ultra-Orthodox after the divorce (presumably upon marrying her second husband), and the court is imposing the kid's stepfather's religion upon both the boy and his father (and stepmother).

So, among many other things, the step-parents now have to have four sets of dishes, two for year-round use and two for Passover use. They have to be kosher and shomer Shabbot in the kid's presence.

But you're right about one thing, George. The ultra-Orthodox are among the stupidest people on the planet. The most venal, too.

[Anonymous]

You guys are super-stupe.

There is nothing here about "ultra-orthodox". You're basing your boich torah on the reporting of this no-nothing graduate of some shitty community college with a "Communications" degree who knows nothing about what Judaism is; nothing about how custody works or about this situation.

From a distance this seems like a dime a dozen case where the child is being raised a certain way. In the best interests of the child, the court will do what it can to order the child be raised consistently.

Nobody is forcing La Raza to eat Kosher. Noone is forcing La Raza to cease worshipping Jesus or whichever Christo-pagan syncretic deity her latino church believes in.

All the court is saying is treat the kid like a human being and don't force him to act in contrast with the way he is being raised by the custodial parent. Sounds like a no-brainer.

[Mr. Apikoros]

Anonymous, your comment is so stupid it's beneath contempt.

And what's with this "La Raza" crap, you racist POS?

[Hometown Postville]

Attorneys out there? Logically, don't the wishes of the custodial parent take precedence? If there's issues, they need to go back to court and iron them out. If the non-custodial parent is violating the rules, then aren't they considered in contempt? As someone else stated, quit fighting between parents at the expense of the kid.

[Mr. Apikoros]

The best interests of the child take precendence.

[R]

I don't get the mother of this child in the middle of the mess. If she so cared about her son keeping shabbat while with his father you would think she would say that he can't go over for shabbat, but instead stay there the rest of the weekend. Then you won't have any problems.
As for the non jewish step mother and father, they can watch the telly all they like whether the son is in the house or not. Plenty of jews have a shabbat goy to do all sorts of favours for them which tecnhically isn't really allowed. So for the stepmother and the father to watch the TV while the child is there is allowed. Sadly this child is going to be one confused kid anyway. Pretending that his father is jewish and keeps the same laws is just going to confuse this child even more.
As for the kosher bit. They can shop where they want, but if they plan to feed the boy then they should make sure it's kosher. I don't see the hardship in that. Although i don't see how the courts or the mother can really make sure of that unless the father or stepmother care to do it for the child and judging from this article, the stepmother does not care at all.

As for the court ruling...it should have made more sense and not made a sweeping statement like it did. They ought to have people who know a bit about the religion advising on hearings like this and not rely on some hassidic chumras or BT with chumras.

[rabbidw]

Thanks to Apikorus, I can figure out what is going on. There is probably more that we do not know.
Obviously, the court can only rule on the second wife in relation to visitation. When the boy is not there, she can do what she wants. As the boy becomes older, he is going to have more say as to what he wants. For now, the boy cannot be raised orthodox and be fed treif food. The boy cannot be taught about shabat and then told it applies every other week. Think about it from the POV of the boy and you will see that the judge had no real choice.
Now the judge could have granted the father full custody, which would have a logic of its own, but the father may not have wanted it, and there may have been other reasons why, even if he wanted it, he could not get it.
The father may be trying to bust his ex wifes chops, but no one will compel him to take advantage of visitation, when he does, he must provide a stable environment, and raise the boy in a way that is consistent with what his mother wants.
And he should be thankful that he can still take the kid to the movies, and watch TV. I guess she is more orthodox than ultra.

[Mr. Apikoros]

Rabbi DW, what you say is all well and good, and there's a certain logic to it (I don't necessarily agree with it). But the bottom line is the mother, having become Hasidic (according to the article, not just MO or Traditional Orthodox), doesn't want her son to be raised by Christians, even every other weekend. And she and her lawyer, who is well-known in Chicago as a Rottweiler among the pit bulls who practice matrimonial law, are pulling every stop in order to turn the kid's father into chopped liver.

My grandparents were traditional Orthodox. When we were little, every Friday night my cousin and I slept over at their house. Both of my grandfather's sons were secular, my uncle even more so than my dad. As there was only kosher food in the house, that's what we ate. My grandmother was a terrific cook; a master of German and Hungarian cuisine. But we watched TV until the wee hours, and basically did what we wanted. And no, we weren't taken to synagogue.

One other thing: My grandparents, who were in their early 70's, lived on the 8th floor. They rode the elevator, even on Shabbot; my cousin and I raced each other down 8 flights of stairs.

[ScoobyShmoo]

The step mother should not be forced to live as an orthodox Jew. Nonetheless, she must respect the religion of her step son. No Jewish (or Muslim for that matter) child should be expected to eat pork simply because the dad decided to convert to Judaism, marry a Jewish woman, divorce her, return to his own religion (catholocism), marry a catholic and then expect the kid to just get used to it. The child is Jewish, and thus should keep the sabbath, and his traditions. If they want custody of the boy, even temporary, then they must allow for him to keep his own religion - and find a way to integrate that into their lives.

And Isa - enough with the woman blaming. The mother was an Orthodox Jew - the man converted. Men leave their wives all the time - don't you dare try to pin this on the mother, you sick little parasite.

[Mr. Apikoros]

Where do you get the idea the man converted to Judaism, Scooby Shmoo? Where does it say that in any other news story? The father here is Cajun. Not too many Jewish Cajuns.

The mother was secular, then became a born-again Jew after her divorce. And nowhere does U.S. law give the mother the right to force her religion on the divorced spouse if he wants part-time custody.

You may be thinking of another case in Chicago involving a little girl, whose father was threatened with jail by another idiot Chicago judge if the man took his daughter to church. Guess what, Shmoo, that order was overturned.

You have many situations where the divorced couple comprises two different religions. The normal situation is absent the child's wishes, to raise the kid in both religions.

[Scooby]

Mr. Apikoros

When it comes to Judaism, certain aspects of non-jewish life are not allowed - such as eating non-kosher and going to church. This is about respecting the religion of the child and not forcing him, a Jewish child, into a non-Jewish religion, or into a situation hwere he would be forced to violate his own customs. If this was just about custody, there would be no problem. But the step mother seems to have a BIG problem with simply providing kosher meals! Sorry, but the boy was born to a Jewish mother and should not be forced into another religion. Especially when those who wish to do the raising can't even respect simple laws of keeping kosher! And I mean for the child - not for themselves personally if they don't wish to! But at least respect the child's own customs! How damn hard is that? If the child in this case were Muslim and not Jewish, tehre would be an outcry, maybe even serious violence to make sure the child has a proper Muslim upbringing and wasn't forced to eat foods that are considered unclean. Yet, when it comes to Jews, no one respects that.