Civil Disobedience When In Love: Getting Around Israel's Haredi-Controlled Chief Rabbinate

Yael and Yoav are observant Jews, yet they decided to get married illegally rather than through the Chief Rabbinate.

Civil disobedience

Yael and Yoav are observant Jews, yet they decided not to formalize their relationship through the Chief Rabbinate. What does halacha say? And what pushed them to do this? Rivkah Lubitch with a true story

Rivkah Lubitch • Ynet

Mazal tov! Yael and Yoav (not their real names) married in accordance with Jewish law and are setting up another Jewish family. What’s the story? The loving couple decided that they don’t want any part of the rabbinic establishment in Israel (one wonders why?!) so they decided not to get married under the auspices of the rabbinate. However, as we know, according to Israeli law, even a couple who gets married in a civil ceremony (for example, in Cyprus) has to appear before the rabbinic court in the event that, God forbid, they decide to break up. Yael and Yoav wanted to avoid having to go to the rabbinic court at all costs, so they didn’t go abroad to get married civilly and did not register their marriage with the Interior Ministry.
 
Since the couple is observant, they wanted to make their marriage official with a chupah and kiddushin, so they asked a rabbi to hold a private ceremony for them. The couple signed the agreement provided by the Center for Women’s Justice (with the necessary changes) which provides that the marriage is “conditional” and can be declared void if necessary. And in order to institutionalize the relationship between them on a more formal level vis a vis the State authorities, the couple registered with the ngo New Family as common law spouses and signed an agreement recommended to them there.
 
In an interview over the phone Yoav explained their reasoning:
 
“It’s important to us to get married both according to halacha and in the spirit of equality, and that’s why we got married according to halacha but not according to the laws of the State of Israel. We were very frustrated, because the laws of the State have created a situation in which all of the roads lead to the rabbinic court. Our determination not to be take part, or be subject to, that institution in any way was the reasoning behind our decision to conduct our special ceremony. We created a situation in which, from our point of view, we are married according to halacha and from the perspective of the rabbinate and the State, we are essentially common law spouses.”

I wondered if the guests knew about the arrangement. “I assume that people understood on their own,” Yoav said. The rabbi who did the ceremony is not recognized in the rabbinate. Women also said “sheva brachot” and our ketubah is worded a bit differently from the standard ketubah.
 
Yael and Yoav are indeed pioneers in the religious community, but they aren’t the first, and certainly not the only, ones. Yoav himself knows several couples who married privately without registering their marriage. Yoav and Yael deliberated about their decision. They weren’t enthusiastic about doing something in violation of the law, and their parents also thought it preferable to act according to what is standard practice. But once they made their decision, their parents and friends accepted it as completely natural.
 
“We feel that the rabbinic court does not treat the difficult cases that come before them fairly,” Yoav explained. “For us personally, it was an expression of civil disobedience. We’re pleased to take part in it and feel like we’re doing something that benefits the public at large.”

A final word

I am writing about this not because I or the “Center for Women’s Justice” supports a ceremony that was carried out privately and in violation of the law. Quite the opposite – we don’t support it. But the Israeli public needs to know that young people today are saying “enough,” and are getting up and doing something in order not to be subject to an institution that they don’t want to be subject to.
 
Rivka Lubitch is a rabbinic pleader who works at the Center for Women’s Justice , tel. 02-5664390.

Comments

[anon]

According to Rivka Lubitch marriage and divorce in Israel is meant to be like marriage and divorce in Clark County, Nevada. Easy does it - no commitments. Get married by Elvis or Captain Kirk and then destroy a family - in and out in 30 minutes

[rabbidw]

Many senior citizens in America get married by a Rabbi and do not register the marriage with the state so that it does not affect their Social Security benefits.

[Garnel Ironheart]

While this couple may feel they are striking a blow for freedom, and Heaven knows there are enough reasons to be disgusted with the Rabbanut, they are potentially victimizing their as yet unborn children.
Imagine they are granted children by God. Now flash forward 20-25 years. The kids want to get married and don't care about avoiding the Rabbanut. They show up there are asked to produce their parents' kesubah (which will probably be a standard procedure by then). Imagine their reaction when they are told by some unimaginative beaurocrat that their parents were not properly married and have been living "in sin".
Is it worth the acrimony that will cause?

[rabbidw]

BTW k'daas moshe veyisrael does NOT mean the rabbanut. The Rabbanut speaks for themselves, nowhere does the shulchan aruch talk about the institution of the rabbanut.
What I would like to see is this semi-common law arrangement, with provision for a get to be drafted by a special, agreed upon bet din, or by an agreed upon Rabbi, with appropriate alternatives for non availability of the first choice. You would then have provisions for a real, halachic get, outside of the framework of the State, rather than relying on retroactive nullification, which is problematic halachically and practically.

[PulpitRabbi]

Let me get this straight.

The couple signed the agreement provided by the Center for Women’s Justice (with the necessary changes) which provides that the marriage is “conditional” and can be declared void if necessary.

No mainstream halakhist of any stripe, be he Chareidi, Dati Leumi, or Modern Orthodox, Neo-Orthodox or Chassid has permitted conditional marriage. Many halakhists have in fact raised the issue that such a marriage may very well be unconditionally valid (which is the reason why teh Chief Rabbinate requires a get from Jews divorcing who were only civilly married).

So how is the couple said to be observant, in this perspective? "Couple wants to have cake and eat it, despite the fact it doesn't work" would have been a more truthful headline.

[Yeah, I know, you will point out that some peopel, like R' Eliezer Berkovits, suggested that conditional marriage may work. There is a big difference between the academic rumblings by someone who would have wanted the poskim to agree, and implying that any serious poskim really agreed to this. Oh, Conservative scholars don't count here, either, since Lubitch is clearly inmplying they are Orthodox.]

[A E ANDERSON]

Mitzvah d'yoma: annoy the haredi rabbanut!

I hate to think what kind of marital mischief one could get up to with a couple tractates of gemara, some blank paper and 2 witnesses!

When I was 16, learning about all the halakhic naughtiness, there were times I couldn't stand up at the end of a gemara shi'ur! If I wanted to diss the haredis en extremis, I'd be meqadesh b'b'iah, with 2 'adim for the gantse gesheft. For added measure, the act would be video recorded, and I'd take my 40 makos mardus immediately following on tape, to give it an authentic S&M flavour.

You bet the rabbanut would love watching the video... it'd be like movie day at the US Supreme Court circa 1970s.

[who knows]

"they are potentially victimizing their as yet unborn children.
Imagine they are granted children by God."
No they don't. Indeed the fanatic fundamentalists of the Rabbanut will victimize their children. Does it mean that no one should stand up to the abusive Rabbis? The Rabbis certainly count on this. They have created a system with punishments both direct and indirect for the people disobeying them.

But remember that no one is ever safe against their abuse, no matter how obedient.

[harold]

I have no idea what the laws are in Israel so could someone fill me in as to what one has to go through to get "legally" married if the couple are legitimate observant Jews?

Something is missing here. I am now waiting for Paul Harvey to come out and say “and now for the rest of the story ...”.

[Forty Eighter]

My understanding is that the Neurei Karta flavored chareidim also marry totally of the Rabanut radar screen. I guess this is one thing these lefty and righty anarchists have in common.

[william e emba]

Imagine their reaction when they are told by some unimaginative beaurocrat that their parents were not properly married and have been living "in sin".
Is it worth the acrimony that will cause?

Anything is possible. It's also quite possible they will conclude the rabbanut and beaurocracy are simply worthless nutcases.

Really, the only question to ask is whether there would be negative halakhic implications. Off the top of my head, there are none.

[suzanne]

As long as this couple is really married halakhically I think this is truly wonderful. Chief rabbinate have caused untold suffering. Mazel tov to the couple and congratulations for standing up for sanity!

[kiruvman]

The marriage is halachically null and void, if they clearly understood the arrangement to be conditional per the subsequent document they signed. You cant have it both ways, they are mutually exclusive. My guess is they may be selectively observant, however, they are either misguided, cluelessly naive, or both.

[who knows]

Garnel, have you ever noticed that the common way for these people to hold their folk in line is through barely veiled threats:
1) your kids are going to suffer (they forgot to say that they will be the ones inflicting the suffering)
2)you going to go to hell (eternal unimaginable suffering)
3)your siblings are going to suffer an will not find a good shidduh (they forgot to say that they will make sure that your siblings will have difficulty finding shidduh....)

Indeed, the list of threats from the abusive old master cursers is endless.

[Mikal W. Grass]

Didn't this happen in Iraq to war widows who wanted a sexual relationship with someone but couldn't because they weren't married? Same thing here, shomer nigia until married, then a divorce shortly thereafter if they are incompatible.

[Bill]

who knows,

bravo for your comment!

Teach your children to -be- authentic and they won't have to worry about what some dark-aged, ignorant, vile, smelly, backward thinking, poor-excuse-for-a-human-being thinks "authentic" means.

Follow your own conscience and things will fall ino place in ways that are much better than you could ever have imagined.

[Jake]

Some those seniors who marry without a marriage license in NY state are married per civil law.

As long as the person who performs the marriage is one who may officate legaly at a wedding they ar emarried per the law even without a marriage license.

So when they collect their SS checks they are committing felonies.

The clergymen are committing misdemeanors for performing the weddings wiht out the necessary documentation.

Thats in the law in NY.

[rabbidw]

There is no halachic penalty for children born out of wedlock if the parents were eligible to be halachically married.

As far as the law in NY, I am aware, I am also aware that it is done on a regular basis. Like all laws, if it is not enforced it becomes a dead letter until it is enforced.

[Jake]

Rabbis dina k'malchutah dinah?

I guess I am missing somethnig,

Any will written before the unlicensed marriage becomes irrelvant and the spouse of the unlicensed wedding becomes the inheritor before the children.

the rabbi violating the law should at least warn the elderly couple that they need new wills excluding each other specifcaly from inheritance.

[Friar Yid]

anon- marriage and divorce in Israel is meant to be like marriage and divorce in Clark County, Nevada. Easy does it - no commitments.

It should not be up to the government (or rabbinate) to decree these people's commitments to each other-- or force a certain standard on them. It is no one's business whether they get married by a rabbi, a unitarian minister, or an Elvis impersonator. They should have the right to do what they want.

[Radical Feminist]

Israel is the only country I know of that has enacted Jim Crow laws against Jews, and oppresses 60% of its Jewish citizens why? Because they are female Jews.
The myth of the Jewish state is just that, a myth. I am treated better in Europe and America as a Jew then in Israel. The Israeli Marriage system is one reason Jews should NOT immigrate to Israel. If you marry there you could wind up like many of my friends trapped in a marriage unable to leave the country, or take your kids out, paying thousands to your ex husband ie bribing him to give you a Gett.
I gave up Alia after 7 years because of my second class status, by virtue of being a Jew, oh yeah and female in Israel. 60% of Jews in Israel are female.
This is a sad fact, Jews must boycott immigration to Israel until Israel becomes a place where Jews are treated with equal respect and dignity regardless of gender.

[Radical Feminist]

Maybe the skeptics on this blog would prefer the old way, bribing Rabbi's and sex scandals with corrupt Beis Din who demanded sexual favors in exchange for granting women their Getts. Evidently they think that is the moral option.

[Kensington]

"Maybe the skeptics on this blog would prefer the old way, bribing Rabbi's and sex scandals with corrupt Beis Din who demanded sexual favors in exchange for granting women their Getts. Evidently they think that is the moral option."

You mean like Rabbi [REDACTED BY SITEOWNER]?

[sophia dzonsone]

You think thats bad , think of this- the Misrad Hapnim then the Rabbanute , listened to a corrupt social worker Kate Ball from England who is not even a registered social worker. What is it, when people with such authority listen to a social worker? Then Pauline Cochraine a social worker from England and a second social worker, flew to Israel to try and kidnap my son.
The Israeli authorities kept my son here Baruch Hashem safe in the Holy land, and now he's fluent in the sacred tongue and attends school and is home.
So what of the Rabbanute? They have on file that my husband and I are what they call ''legally married'' As do the Misrad Hapnim.
Since then - because of the balagan, we had a halachic divorce not through the government. Am I going to wait untill my overies are fried to have more children by the time the authorities here realize they've been had by the uk authorities- just to get what is quite important a ''legal divorce?'
So halachically I am divorced - I can remarry - legally we are still married, untill a decision is made under a 'law' system which possibly appears to grow on a different path to Torah... As they can say what ever they want, that the marriage is still in force or otherwise revoke, on the say so of a social worker, who knows nothing about Torah.