How Haredim View Women

A snarky "open letter to seminary girls" printed on a haredi news blog claims to teach "girls" proper haredi Jerusalem etiquette.

"And if [it] really was such a life changer, you wouldn’t still be sipping that Mitz Pri as you stroll down Yechezkel. Only dogs eat/drink in the street. Not people. Or even sem girls."

An Open Letter to Seminary Girls: Etiquette in Geulah
Wednesday September 16, 2009 1:32 PM
By Yeshiva Guy • Matzav.com

In a tradition dating back to the opening of the doors of the first seminary way back when in the fifties, the second week of Elul is host to an ingathering of exiles, so to speak. I refer to the yearly migration of those known colloquially as Sem Girls. Otherwise known as our holy seminary sisters. Yes, every year around this time they invade Geulah. They take Malchei Yisroel and transform it from the once sleepy Yerushlayimer shopping and food center it was into a yearlong virtual sleepover. 

Somehow, the Ribono Shel Olam has seen fit to force us, Yeshiva Guys, and them to co-

exist in the same space. And like many other things in life, this is something I don’t understand; yet I accept it. But I do have some things I want to get off of my chest…

 Every year, us Yeshiva Guys moan and groan about these issues. We go on the same diatribes, vent recurrently to ourselves, and wish things were different. Well, this year I’m determined to change all that. So below find some of the many things that you do to tick us off- kindly take note, and refrain from doing so.

Don’t:

-Talk loudly on your pelephones about nothing. If you must do so, at least make sure to slowly and clearly, enunciating every syllable, list off your fathers’ bank accounts so I, too, can enjoy unlimited cakes from Moishy’s Bakery.

-Wear Crocs in public. This is NOT cool, and does not fit in with the Bas Melech image your teachers will be attempting to teach you over the next year.

-Daven mincha on the street because shkiah “just…happened” and you have no place to daven. Either watch your watch, like we do, or don’t daven. As much as it may pain you to learn this, females are not bound by time-related commandments.

-Loudly barter with the shopkeeper as if he were deaf in your Americanized Harry-ess Ivrit that you think you’re proficient in. You’re not. Either learn and speak the language with the local accent, or stick with the English you don’t know. Trust me, the locals understand your English better than your Ivrit.

-Feel the need to litter the entire Yerushalayim with the yellow/purple/clear plastic/paper cups that you just got from Fro-Yo or Sams or Mitzei Uri. It’s nice that you enjoy them, and it’s wonderful that you’re supporting local merchants and all, but really, what about recycling?

-Rave about Rabbi Orlofsky’s shiur last night that is definitely, positively, OMG OMG gonna change your life. We all know it won’t. And if really was such a life changer, you wouldn’t still be sipping that Mitz Pri as you stroll down Yechezkel. Only dogs eat/drink in the street. Not people. Or even sem girls.

 -Feel like you have to go to the Machlis’, the Blind Couple, and every other chavayah during your stay here. You can still be Jewish without going to those people. I know, because I still am.

-Use the default ringer on your Disposa-phone that came with your seminary’s suggested student plan. Hashem gave you kids all that creativity and individuality to be able to create all those plays and singa-thons and dances and whatever. Express it. If I hear that la-di-dah-di-dah one more time I may just…

-Feel obligated to take over Sams Bagels between 1-4 every afternoon. How about just ordering your food and taking it back to your dorm, huh? I’ll arrange for the teenaged Israeli shibob with the knockoff UnderArmour spray shirt to give you an oversized bag so everyone will know you went…M’kay?

-Be scared to take Arab taxis. Your seminary Giveret is bluffing you. The story about the girls who took one once and…yeah. It never happened. Sorry, I know Israel is much more exciting that way, but…

-Buy leather-bound Tehillims/Siddurim for all of your cousins/aunts/uncles. That creativity thing? Again, demonstrate.

-And finally,under NO circumstances are you to enter Pitzuchei Moshiach. PM is a male-only establishment. Aside from the narrow aisle issue, PM is just…well…sacred. Don’t defile it. Go to any one of the other fine nut houses.

So welcome to our town. Geulah is our turf. You can have Har Nof, Sortozkin, MInchas Yitzchak, Ramat Eshkol, and the other shchunos. But Geulah is our turf. We own it.

So adios, and seeya back in America.

Yeshiva Guy

{YeshivaGuy/Matzav.com Newscenter}

Comments

[Michael Makovi]

Funny that he makes fun of their English-accented Hebrew; I could say the same of Mr. Yeshiva Bahur's German-accented Hebrew.

[norm]

Hm-There is no mention about not giving blow jobs to the gadols-I wonder why?

[Rob Wisler]

I can add something for the yeshiva guys:

GO GET A COLLEGE OR TRADE EDUCATION AND A JOB!!!

[A. Nuran]

Definitely snotty.
If the girls were speaking English the Yeshiva Guy would be unhappy because they were acting like ignorant Americans and not speaking Hebrew.

Littering is just an American female thing? I'd bet dollars to donuts - or would that be shekels to shawarma - it's a bigger problem and crosses all religious and gender lines.

"Taking over" the bagel shop? If he doesn't like the clientele he is perfectly capable of getting his stuff to-go and taking it back to his dorm room.

As far as the "creativity" thing goes, fine. But only if it's applied with just as much vigor to the boys.

This guy obviously hasn't been around girls much and is uncomfortable with the idea. I'm sure things which boys like him do annoy the girls just as much.

[alternative childcare]

For crying out loud, this is a JOKE; its full of little in-jokes about what yeshiva kids do on their year in Israel. Really now.

Mr Wisler, I suspect that the targeted audience for this piece probably has or will have a BA, and on to tertiary degrees through law or medical school, myself getting most of the jokes here. I suspect that it is a higher level of education than you have achieved.

[Nigritude Ultramarine]

-Loudly barter with the shopkeeper as if he were deaf in your Americanized Harry-ess Ivrit that you think you’re proficient in.

He just had to drop in a jab at BTs.

[steve]

Condescending, snotty and outright disrespectful. This moron thinks he's funny. Evidently Matzav thinks it's funny also. Let's see how he treats his wife, if he ever gets married.

[Bnei Levi]

This was obviously written in jest.

[steve]

AND THIS IS WHAT THEY CALL "RAISING THE BAR"?

"Matzav.com, since its inception, has endeavored to raise the standard of Jewish online reporting, providing news in a Torahdike manner and publicizing the hashkafos and psakim of our gedolei rabbonim.

Taking a look at the large number of ‘Jewish’ sites in cyberspace, there is a disproportionate number of sites representing left-wing or fringe segments of the Jewish world. There are so few that are truly representative of the Torah world and the ideals we hold dear. Matzav.com has and will continue to maintain its strict standards, following the guidance of experts in the chareidi media world and the advice of rabbonim.

We are stepping up to the plate to provide voices of reliable Torah hashkafa to be heard and read online."

[BInyamin]

Lighten up....lighten up...this is pretty funny, and in fact, it's so good that it's hard to believe a yeshiva guy actually wrote it!

[Izzy]

A) This is clearly a joke, and I imagine most of the seminary girls who are the subject of the "open letter" will see it as such. This is probably being being forwarded around the seminaries, likely preceded by the words "LOL." Your indignation is really not well founded.
B) I doubt the writer of this "open letter" is Charedi, at least as most people use that term.

[Ben]

Poor attempt at humor. The guy seems to be quite stupid.

[LetsTryHarder]

How do we Fans of FailedMessiah view haredim? Youtube has this mocking the scheerson telethon but we need stuff that isn't so lame.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoJZMNBEgME

[Yochanan Lavie]

Shanah tovah to the entire FM community, including fans and critics.

[steve]

YL,

K'Sivah V'Chasima Tova to you and your loved ones!

[ah-pee-chorus]

YL: a wonderful year to you and yours!!

[ah-pee-chorus]

shana tova to all!!!

[Neo-Conservaguy]

Some of those jabs are pretty funny. They can poke all the fun they want at the sem girls - those horny yeshiva boys still hang out at the popular locations hoping against hope that one of the "bad" sem girls will find them and make their kippa spin.

[David Bar-Magen]

Geez, Shmarya, for a guy who has tried his hand at writing humor, you sure don't seem to recognize the concept when you see it.

It may not be to your taste, but the article will definitely elicit more than a few chuckles from any yeshiva guys who've spent more than a year in a Jerusalem yeshiva.

Say what you'd like about the need for yeshiva guys to recognize the rights of women to be in Geulah, but we both know that this article can be and already has been written in the form of scathing, illiterate and misogynistic threats against women for the crime of being female and conceivably attractive.

A little humor is a welcome approach.

Excepting, of course, those of us who wouldn't recognize a joke if it walked over and squirted seltzer down their pants.

[shmuel]

"So welcome to our town. Geulah is our turf. You can have Har Nof, Sortozkin, MInchas Yitzchak, Ramat Eshkol, and the other shchunos. But Geulah is our turf. We own it.
So adios, and seeya back in America.
Yeshiva Guy"

They own Geulah. It's their turf! But see ya back home, in America!
Funniest line in the whole thing.

[Nachum]

I'm pretty sure the line about dogs is an attack on Orlofsky, not the girls.

[Asa]

I'm not so sure it's purely jest. It's kinda funny, but this is a haredi, not Seth Macfarlane. Bullies often use humor.

[alternative childcare]

Asa, you don't have even the slightest clue, apparently.

[Asa]

Clue of what, AC? Give me a clue, then.

[shmuel]

Can't wait to see how fast this misogynist takes it all back after 6 months in a frustrating freezer. Then he'll be on his knees begging some rich girl from Brooklyn or Monsey to tell her daddy she's getting engaged to him so he can live the high life: "learning Torah" with not a care in the world, taking months off whenever he wants. And he'll become the same like the rest of us, always having the last word.
"Yes, dear."

[A. Nuran]

Actually, AC, Asa is spot on. Bullies use ridicule to dehumanize and belittle their victims. This piece is exactly in that vein. It's aggressive. It's demeaning. It demands obedience; everything is in the form of "Don't do this you stupid cooze."

It doesn't show any of the self-awareness of gentle, insightful humor. It's just mean and self-serving.

[Asa]

Exactly, Nuran. Thanks.

[alternative childcare]

Neither of you then has a clue.

[Yakira]

I honestly do not see anything funny in this article and it seems that he is just spewing out hateful rhetoric towards the women.

[kisarita]

Sure this article is funny. There are a lot of racist jokes that are funny too. If you can't see the mysogyny then just imagine: Is there anyway in hell that matzav would post something similar, written by seminary GIRLS about yeshiva guys???

See also All I ever need to know I learned in SEMINARY and Tales out of Sem

[chaim]

would not be surprised at all,if this ignorant savage who wrote this disgusting piece of trash,is himself a chareidi sexuall pervert who abuses little boys or girls

[Yoel]

Everyone here is right, so please stop picking on each other. People are complex and this little attempt at humor (and I do mean little) contained elements of satire, humor, anti-woman jabs, etc. etc. There is no way to know if humor masked dark motives or simply slight grudges unless we get inside the mind of the writer and asked extremely detailed questions over a long period of time. The only thing that seems certain is such an interrogation would be time better spent on more productive pursuits.

[S]

Lame. Misogynist. And lame.

[b/c]

Umm... if your holding you'll know this is a joke.. not any indication of worldview and such. Pretty funny too, i'd just say that you need some background to give this one proper context

[jp]

It's funny if you're "in" the context. If you aren't don't try to understand it, it's like viewing a culture you're not part of--there's no way to understand it without living init for a long period of time. To everyone who is also outside of it, you may look correct, to those inside, it is very clear aren't part of that scene.

Honestly, give SOME sort of-the-doubt-these people have sisters in seminaries and mothers too. It's humor. And yes, it's based on reality. And yes, ou could make fun of them too. And it would be funny also.