Special Award: The Funniest Anti-Chabad Line Ever Written

I have just awarded Tzemach Atlas with the newly-minted special award for "The Funniest Anti-Chabad Line Ever Written":

[Caution! This is graphic, profane and not suitable for children or graduates of Lakewood.]

"You can stick that refrigerated mitzvah tank … up your tsunami ass."

Comments

[Tzemach Atlas]

I thank the Academy!

[a]

SUCH SINAS CHINUM!!!!!

[pushkina]

i love it!

[pushkina]

with what we know of L, sinat chinam is not an accusation that should come from their side, EVER.

[Navot]

" Posted by: pushkina | with what we know of L, sinat chinam is not an accusation that should come from their side, EVER. "

From them ? How could it be ? Not unless one is Anash !
Then it's OK !

[Alex]

Why does the author of this site try to appear open-minded / honest when its clear that he hates and loves his Jewish-self so?
And for the rest of you that 'relate', ask yourselves why you are quick to make fun of yourselves?

I'm happy and feel priveleged to be Jewish. Stop trying to be the Jew the "world" of *today* will love (or so you think).

Internal Shalom to you.
And may Hashem forgive us for our behaviour.

[Navot]

Not so , Alex , not so !
Some of us feel that unfortunately , due to many historical and cultural reasons , a significant part of our people , is suffering from a "group psychosis" .
Many of us are possibly as happy or even happier than yourselves in been Jewish .
There is no motif of what you call the "world of today" to justify our Judaism . (I wonder "world of today " as distinct from what ?) .
Sure we live today , not last century or millenium .
I do not care much about what somebody wrote recently as a comment to this site : "halakha : Eissav soyne le-Yakov " . What is this nonsense ? Is this our creed and our religion ? Is our being good Jews dependant on professing this mantra. In other words, if there is nobody to hate us it would be a bad day ?
I think people who need this for their identity, are not only bad Jews -choyte u machtee- , but they are also deranged and in need of treatment .
To paraphrase your own sentence : "Stop trying so hard to be the Jew the "world" of *today* will hate (or so you seem to prefer ).

[Alex]

Navot, I'm glad someone's listening.

I'm really interested to know what you think the 'ideal Jew is'. That may better help me understand your idea of Judaism (as it should be. Perhaps our ideas are not that far apart.)

*This is not meant as an attack - I'd really like to hear your idea.*

Let me tell you what mine - though not complete - is. I'd look up to a Jew who has both love for Hashem and people. His relationship to Hashem should be real - not just a practice of rituals. His respect for all people (Jews as his brothers / chosen by Hashem, more), be real and not just a put-on as required / or for their 'love'. Additionally, his approach/interpretation to Torah is authentic yet, in touch with today world / knowlegde.

Thanks in advance

[Navot]

Alex ,
My idea of the perfect Jew / my outlook on Judaism ?
It is not important , I am a simple person looking at myself and trying to do better .
Perhaps due to my personality , I look mostly at myself, evaluating myself and my own immediate family .
My affiliation is centrist Orthodox , although that defines the rites that I follow , my religious hashkofo and where I pray .
(Other streams are totally alien to me - I believe it's probably mutual - and I will not relate to them ).
While I am also a proud Israeli and Zionist , I resent the Central role that the state is taking in the Synagogue at the expense of Judaism , I resent equally the role attributed to the Holocaust .
Don't get me wrong , I am totally aware of the importance of these 2 subjects , but I feel they both belong to the peoplehood side of our identity . The Synagogue and personally my prime concern as a Jew is more "sur mero vaassey toyv" , tora study and the obser- vance of the commandments ..
Bivrokho ,

[Paul Freedman]

Why is this funny? It's an insult. Not a funny insult. Just an insult insult. Maybe there was funnier material around the money quote--hmmm:

"Meanwhile there are six Shluchim in this little shitty, 150 Jew strong, whore house called Thailand who spam the entire universe with pleas for help. You can stick that refrigerated mitzvah tank up your tsunami ass!"

OK he also insulted all of Thailand because it is a "whore house", excuse me a "shitty whore house" "who spam the entire universe with pleas for help," except they aren't. E-mailing. Pleading. Maybe to the writer, who also believes he is being spammed by the "former Prime Minister of NIgeria..."

[Navot]

Another point that I had omitted - Alex ,
The Maimonides 13 ikorim do not mean that we should follow the commandments in order to hasten the redemption .
We follow the commandments lishma because we were so commanded . I resent the ubiquitous urging to do "just a little mitzva" to see the Moschiach walking in ! I find that to be contrary to Jewish teaching as well as an insult to the public intelligence .
Bivrokho

[Cold Water on your parade]

"Maimonides 13 ikorim"... dude, he seemd so stoned when he wrote some of that stuff. Don't his eyes look all squinty in some of those portrates? Taking those 13 statements as seriously as Torah leads to otherwise intelligent members of the rabbinate declaring books about the Aleppo codex to be heresy. Here's a hint: the codex is real, shows factual variation in Torah lettering and arrangement, and Rambam was a fallable human. Now, let's eat.

[Navot]

Cold whatever
Shal Naaleikho . Weird eyes in portraits ? The weirdest eyes I see in Jewish portraits are those of the Alter Rebbe with his eyeballs popping out .
I have no idea what is your analogy with the Aleppo Codex - and what you are trying to say , ma inyon shmito etzel har Sinai ?
I refered to the 13 principles which many good Jews proclaim in the morning prayers & brought out that belief in the Moschiach does not necessitate obssession with the subject !
Stoned , is a chassidic specialty -those of a certain variety only- , as now some of their youth find the use of drugs equally effective in reaching higher rungs than mashke .
Now go and take a cold shower yourself . By us , 9 Kabs of water is a good substitute for a Mikve for men to clear up your own foggy brain !

[yechi hamelech]

This just shows the sickness of all you snags. You swear about people who have changed the face of jews throughout the world in a possitive way. You guys are scared to argue with us, chassidim, so you instead talk about it amongst yourselves. All you snags will go to hell unless you repent immediately

[Eric Grosser]

I often accuse Chabad of over using the term "sinat chinam" for anyone who has reservations about the Chabad hashkafa, but I have to say that in this case, I think they're right! Humor is NOT funny when it insults a person or a group of people.